Why would I be sent a wedding invite when I've already agreed with Bride that I can't attend?

[RollnRock]

My niece, who lives in Ireland, is getting married in the summer.
As I'm living in the UK, she messaged me a couple of months ago to ask if I would be able to attend.
I said I couldn't as my husband, who is a teacher, couldn't get time off as the wedding is on a Friday during term time.
I could have attended with our kids but it would have cost over £2k just for the weekend (flights, car hire,hotel, food, not including present).
We are travelling to Ireland a few weeks after the wedding so I said we would see them then.

This week I have received an invite to the wedding in the post which has puzzled me.
Why would they send this when we've already told them that we can't attend?

Going LC would be a massive overreaction here, they can't go for the wedding date due to work. Not personal choice.

Because you are invited. There have been threads on here where people have been upset that they’ve not been invited to family weddings even though they could not attend (poor health etc.) I wouldn’t read anything into it like they are expecting a gift or anything probably just making it clear you are welcome should circumstances change.

Seriously?

But why? When the OP has already told her she can't go.

It's not 'a nice thing to do' or 'polite' to send a wedding invitation to someone who has already stated they can't make it. It's daft, weird, and pointless.

What planet are some posters on this thread living on? On my planet, we don't send invitations to people for an event, if they have clearly stated they can't attend (shortly before the invitations were sent out.)

This I think.
You were on her list so you are invited.
She is being polite imho but it could be a gift angle.
Only you know whether she is a grabby sort.

Jesus, what's wrong with you? 🤦‍♀️

This made me chuckle!!
What if it's then returned taped back together? 🤣🤣

Maybe it IS an attempt to get a gift. There is not a single other reason to send a wedding invitation to someone who has said they cannot make it, and are not going!

Because it's polite. They might consider it rude not to formally invite you even if you politely decline.

It's really not 'rude' to not invite someone who has stated they can't come/won't be coming.

This thread is batshit.

On my planet, wedding attendance isn't set until the formal invitation and RSVP. The bride was stressing that OP was welcome if she changed her mind about coming or the DH's work situation changed.

On my planet it would be very rude to assume she still wasn't coming based on a text a few months ago, you invite someone formally and then accept their reply.

Plus some people like to see the invitation or have it as a keepsake.

Poor bride, she's done a nice, normal, polite thing and still being slated.

As I said, this thread is batshit. Sending an wedding invitation to someone who said they are NOT able to come, just a couple of months before!

'On my planet it would be very rude to assume she still wasn't coming based on a text a few months ago?!'

LMFAO. 😆 She has said SHE IS NOT ABLE TO COME. And it was only a couple of months back when she said this, not 2019!

Batshit. 😜

Not batshit, just etiquette.

Batshit etiquette.

It really isn't.

For example, OP's DH was never going to be able to make the wedding, but OP was choosing not to because of expense. Perhaps in the interim, OP has decided she'd actually like to see all of the extended family at the wedding (I think you're Irish so you know what a big deal weddings are) and arranged to meet with a friend too. The bride is presumably fine with OP changing her mind until the formal RSVP date, so she sends an invitation to convey that. Lovely.

If you're invited to a wedding but can't go, surely you send a present anyway? What fresh tallykeeping hell is this?

Errrrrrr no.

I give a present in exchange for having been given a free knees up.
You think people give presents to congratulate two people on shacking up (probably only for about 3 or 4 years these days)?

This! Totally normal in Ireland.

It's your niece so give what you would give if you're actually attending.

As others have sai, because she has the good manners to invite you with a physical invitation. If you have good manners you’ll send a regret we can’t attend” response

@Alarmingghhh "I give a present in exchange for having been given a free knees up."

I'm assuming sarcasm.

God, some of you were dragged up. The bride’s actions are perfectly correct.

OP has declined the invitation. That doesn’t stop her being invited. The bride has not rescinded the invitation.

It’s etiquette to invite you OP - she knows you can’t attend just respond with a formal decline and a gift ( because it’s family)

Not heard this expression in years Totally agree!

To be polite?