Why would I be sent a wedding invite when I've already agreed with Bride that I can't attend?

[RollnRock]

My niece, who lives in Ireland, is getting married in the summer.
As I'm living in the UK, she messaged me a couple of months ago to ask if I would be able to attend.
I said I couldn't as my husband, who is a teacher, couldn't get time off as the wedding is on a Friday during term time.
I could have attended with our kids but it would have cost over £2k just for the weekend (flights, car hire,hotel, food, not including present).
We are travelling to Ireland a few weeks after the wedding so I said we would see them then.

This week I have received an invite to the wedding in the post which has puzzled me.
Why would they send this when we've already told them that we can't attend?

How old are your children ? Could you go and they stay home with your husband?

It’s because her husband is a teacher and can’t go in term time, as per the OP.

Maybe you could try reading my original post again, we can't go at the time of the wedding because my husband is working.
For the 2 week holiday we go on a few weeks later we will drive and stay with family.

A gift list isn't really done in Ireland, in fact a few recent wedding's I've been to had a 'No present' stipulation on the invite. I'm in my 50's and been to a lot of wedding's here and only one has a gift list and honestly it was the talk of the couples families...notions being mentioned a few times, I remember the brides uncle asking why she wanted 'a fucking Dyson when she hasn't even got carpets yet' that did make me smile at the time, it didn't help that all items on the list were expensive and the country was in recession at the time. Any one who remembered that wedding wouldn't dare use a gift list. We are an odd little country sometimes. I think the invite was sent with nothing but good intentions, it's just a formal invite and the chance to rsvp formally so there's absolutely no confusion.

It could be a hint to give her money or a gift. Or it could be that she’s ordered loads of expensive invitations and doesn’t want to waste any.

From the OP:

I said I couldn't as my husband, who is a teacher, couldn't get time off as the wedding is on a Friday during term time.

@SabreIsMyFave You would seriously cut contact with a family member because they couldn't get time off work on a specific date/had already committed to travel on a different date?

Your niece is simply following tradition. I'm in Ireland and it's polite etiquette to send out the invitations to everyone including people who you already know can't make the date.

Also, we generally do money in the card rather than physical gifts.

This.

She is being polite.

When someone posts that a relative has gone NC or LC with them for no reason that they can understand, 99% of responders will swear that the poster must have deserved it.

Truth is there are some batshitly over sensitive people out there. Like @SabreIsMyFave

It’s just being polite, in case you change your mind (because there is someone out there who no doubt would moan if they weren’t invited even if they couldn’t come).

I got married in the UK but most of my friends and family at the time were in my home country. I already knew that most wouldn’t be able to come, but I still invited them. I wanted them to know they were included even though I completely understood they couldn’t attend. It wasn’t because I was interested in gifts. I don’t really remember, but I think a few might have sent a card.

Dunno, but is there no way you could attend by yourself? She clearly wants you there.
IME most schools will give time off for weddings, though possibly unpaid. Has DH actually asked?

It’s etiquette. You have said you can’t go but you can’t decline an invite that hasn’t been formally issued.

Who is the invite from? Traditionally it should be from the bride’s parents anyway so maybe they are also unaware.

Refreshing to read wedding etiquette is still alive and well, at least in Ireland!

I think it's just polite too. I also expect she would really like you there.

Could you go to the wedding on your own? It seems a shame to miss a family wedding. And Irish weddings are great (in my limited experience!).

OP, it looks like there is a consensus that your niece is just being polite/nice. There’s no need to be suspicious or annoyed.

Are you relieved and pleased to hear that?

I'm just curious as to why it would cost over £2k to attend? Do you really need to hire a car? Could you get the ferry? That seems like an extortionate amount for a couple of nights away.

If you posted the airport you wanted to fly from and where to and the nroad wedding location, i bet that us mumsnetters coud find you a better deal that £2k!

🤣🤣🤣

Agree the bride is following standard etiquette by issuing the invitation. Go with the family and enjoy seeing them later, bring a present or take them to choose something.

For example, and i am sure that there are hidden costs, but Manchester to Dublin is £12.99 one way with 4 free children per adult. (I've allowed a more realistic amount of £300).
Car hire is approx £100 a day. I would have thought that you could do the trip for around £1000 or less fairly comfortably allowing for up to £200 a night for a hotel.

I had a relative that couldn’t attend my wedding so I didn’t send an invitation. A while later they contacted to let me know they hadn’t received their invitation yet. So it seems that some people do expect a formal invitation either way. Maybe it’s just tradition for some people?

I would still send an invite to anyone very close who couldn't attend a wedding or similar big famil event, I think it's just considered polite as a declaration that the person matters to you.

We sent invitations to couple of people who said they couldn't come when they got the save the date. But we sent a note saying appreciate they said they couldn't come, but if something had changed and they could come that would be great.

Politeness, reply politely.