Ukrainian house guest doesn't want to leave!

[reallyneedmoresleep]

We've had a Ukrainian house guest for the last six months via the Homes for Ukraine scheme. When she came to live with us, we said it would be for a six month period and at the last welfare check we confirmed that she would need to move out by mid-May.
She doesn't want to leave. She has asked several times if she can stay, we have said no. She says our house is much nicer than where she can afford to move to.

I have visited estate agents with her who advise that to rent privately, she either needs a guarantor (we are not prepared to do this) or to pay six month's rent plus the deposit up front. She cannot afford this.

What do we do?

I know the situation in Ukraine is appallling and I am writing from a position of immense priveledge but we have found it really difficult having someone else in our home. She is not an easy person to be around, does not work, has refused all offers to be taken to support groups and frequently just hangs around us when we are in the house when we are trying to work or just to chill. Our son is home from uni in a couple of weeks and we need the room back.

There has been radio silence from the council Homes for Ukraine scheme.
How can I help her to move on?

Imagine what would happen if the UK was invaded, and everyone from your town fled to another country, maybe Ukraine. Some would want to get home as quickly as possible. Some would be rich, used to an easy life, and behave in an entitled way in their new surroundings. Others would be well-off but make sure they paid their way. Some would be poor but hard-working and get jobs. Some would be disabled and unable to work. And some would just be utter, utter scrotes.

And Ukrainians would be writing online about the Brits: "Why did they come here?", "The woman I took in is making eyes at my husband", "She cooks funny food and her kids won't eat meat". And then others would say, "Huh, our Brits are great, they have been teaching our kids English and they keep themselves to themselves". Etc etc etc.

A whole cross-section of society fled Ukraine at the start of the war. To us they are all "Ukrainian" but that's just because of how we label people coming from outside. They are mostly women and children, but otherwise as different from each other as the people on this board. Some will have realised that this is not going to end soon, others prefer to cling to the idea that it will be all over by (next) Christmas. It doesn't make much sense to ask why they did or didn't, or will or won't, do this or that, because they are all individuals dealing with their own stuff, not always 100% objectively.

Except for this thing that they have in common: Every single one of them knows someone, probably several people, quite possibly children, who has/have been killed by Russia, and Russia is still bombing their cities daily. I could probably forgive people quite a lot in the face of that.

She had a few weeks’ work as a TA before coming to us but was asked to leave due to ignoring safe guarding.

I’m sorry for all the trouble you’re having OP. This really stood out for me.
How can someone arrive from a country and get a job with children? How would all the checks and references be carried out, especially in a country experiencing war where I’m sure checking someone’s records couldn’t be easy?

The purpose of the six month scheme was to allow Ukrainians to come over here and have enough time to find a job and get themselves ready to fend for themselves. She has wasted the opportunity by failing to look for work. If she can't earn her own keep then she should go home, where she will find it easier to find work and build a support network. Ukraine is a huge country and it is not all a war zone. Quite a few families near us have moved back so that their children can take exams and they can continue with their careers.

A friend of mine hosted a family and they went back to Ukraine on holiday more than they were here. It was a joke

They are just one country in that situation amongst many others.

She comes from a city right near the Russian border so can’t go back.
We are her second host family - she has been here over a year without making much effort to get a job
Her English is heavily accented but fluent. She is able-bodied so could work.

But….Zelenskyy is Jewish

You're probably unaware (even though you watch the 'news') about a recent controversy in Ireland regarding Ukrainian refugees flying home for Christmas and other holidays.

Generally speaking, people don't tend to return to war torn countries for a holiday but YMMV.

Semantics but Refugees have settlement status. They have the right to be in the country. Asylum seekers are those who are waiting for their claim to be decided.

The Home Office regularly sends asylum seekers back to their countries, informing them that they can relocate to the north, south, wherever because certain areas are deemed ‘safe’. If they are young and educated, it’s considered that they can get a job pretty much in any ‘safe’ area.

I have five clients who have been returned to the Ukraine in the last three months via VRS (voluntary return service and they get a free ticket) so the Home Office clearly thinks it’s safe for them to go back home. It appears that they haven’t bothered to inform the hosts in the U.K.

Claims so doesn't he?

He doesn't mind having nationalists in the national guard though!

Well there's no rule that says she's only allowed in her home city is there? She can go to the other 'safe' ones.
In any case none of this is your problem. You fulfilled your end of the deal. Now the council should deal with her. End of story.
Whether she chooses to return, or stay in a council BnB etc etc is none of your concern. She just needs to be out of your house.

@timenowplease there is a big difference in being somewhere for a limited time period and permanently living there.

Are you suggesting he is lying?

She is going to stay with you, forever. Unless you kick her out. Give her a date she needs to leave by, then make her leave. You could drop her off at the council house, to declare herself as homeless. They will give her emergency accommodation, until she finds something more permanent.

And I'd just like to add that, for me, the clinching argument for hosting was this - if we would want our daughters to escape rape, imprisonment and murder if our country was invaded; if I'd want a family in another country to care for them if they were in danger - surely I should be willing to step up to the plate? Our guest came from the west of Ukraine, but when she came to us, it was just after an airfield close to her city had been bombed. At that time, it seemed likely that Russian soldiers would be swarming over the whole of Ukraine in weeks. We thought she was in real danger, and in fact, some of her university friends fom other parts of the country went home and she hasn't heard from them since. They've 'disappeared'.
Not everyone can host (for all sorts of valid reasons) and some people have had bad experiences, but we have a large number of Ukrainians in our area and I haven't met anyone who has found the experience difficult (apart from the normal difficulty of living with a stranger). And as far as race is concerned? I don't care about colour or ethnic origin, but taking in someone from a completely different culture and background with different values and experiences would be terribly difficult. I like to think that people in other countries with similar cultures would help those similar to them.

Many members of Zelenskyy's family died in the Holocaust. BBB is citing well-known standard Russian talking points, for some reason. 🤔

Ukraine has never been deemed unsafe, as in you could apply for asylum because it’s dangerous though. The guidance said Ukrainians would not be given asylum as some areas are safe.
That’s on an individual basis. 6 million though have left Ukraine, with 8 million displaced inside Ukraine. It’s reasonable to say 1- Ukraine would struggle to support 14 million displaced people in safe areas during a war, 2-when the visas were created there were more unknowns regarding safe areas, they have changed and keep changing.

I don't know much about his past. If his mother was Jewish that would make him Jewish by descent.

It's just weird to me how a Jewish president would allow people with a history of neo nazism into the national guard.

What cannot be contested is that there is a lot of antisemitism in Ukraine as well as racism.

Very odd.

Yes, it’s all rather odd isn’t it?

Are you suggesting because I have an opinion on him, I am pro Putin?!! Hilarious.

Perhaps you should do a bit of research into his past then, before you make such statements…….

Have you even read up what happened to Jews in Ukraine? Go and have a look!

And likewise.

I am entitled to an opinion just as much as you are.

Go and do some reading instead of listening to BBC.

Your position may not be explicitly pro-Putin, but it helps him.

Ukraine elected a Jew as President with 73% of the votes. That is not what an anti-semitic country does.

This is also why every democratic country in the world supports Ukraine.

@BouncebackBetty I’m not a fan of the BBC, but thanks for the tip. Incidentally, I HAVE done my research so I’m confident on what I am saying. You, by your own admission, haven’t.