Ukrainian house guest doesn't want to leave!

[reallyneedmoresleep]

We've had a Ukrainian house guest for the last six months via the Homes for Ukraine scheme. When she came to live with us, we said it would be for a six month period and at the last welfare check we confirmed that she would need to move out by mid-May.
She doesn't want to leave. She has asked several times if she can stay, we have said no. She says our house is much nicer than where she can afford to move to.

I have visited estate agents with her who advise that to rent privately, she either needs a guarantor (we are not prepared to do this) or to pay six month's rent plus the deposit up front. She cannot afford this.

What do we do?

I know the situation in Ukraine is appallling and I am writing from a position of immense priveledge but we have found it really difficult having someone else in our home. She is not an easy person to be around, does not work, has refused all offers to be taken to support groups and frequently just hangs around us when we are in the house when we are trying to work or just to chill. Our son is home from uni in a couple of weeks and we need the room back.

There has been radio silence from the council Homes for Ukraine scheme.
How can I help her to move on?

Don’t even consider being a guarantor. You are responsible for much more than the rent to the end of the contract. Don’t even think about it. Is she even from an area in Ukraine that’s affected by the war? Surely if she is genuinely seeking safety she wouldn’t be so particular about the accommodation she should be given for nothing.

This happened with my neighbour - the lady (and child) had previously been with a family for 6 months, then moved to my neighbours. Neighbour gave her and the daughter a lot of support at the end of 6 months (and some more) and went through benefits etc and the lady could afford to rent a property and the neighbour helped her find a property to keep child in the same school, same area but the lady wanted a council property or to stay with another family for 6 months, even when neighbour explain you could be housed anywhere, child may have to move schools again- the lady wasn't bothered. Neighbour bought several beds for the lady - as she kept complaining current bed was giving her a bad back. Lots more which won't bore you with.

Neighbour was sad, as she said she wouldn't do it again as she felt taken advantage of, felt uncomfortable in her own home, as in the end they ended up having a few arguments and she felt the lady was more interested in getting and saving money than what was best for her daughter or supporting herself!

Fortunately for many sponsors they have been lucky enough to have hard working Ukrainian guests who have done all they can to seek employment and even higher education opportunities. As a host I don't feel like I was sold down the river because my guests haven't behaved in the way the poor OP's guests chose to. In any event she can now hand responsibility to the council and the guest having chosen to make no attempt will just have to accept it won't be the easy ride in nice accommodation she has enjoyed courtesy of OP

What that all Ukrainains are work shy? Oh dear. Its complex, people are complex.

She wants to be a Russian teacher. I have explained that there isn’t much call for this in our small village in Kent.
She had a few weeks’ work as a TA before coming to us but was asked to leave due to ignoring safe guarding. She did a couple of weeks at a warehouse but left as it was boring. She was offered a job in a local cafe but didn’t accept because she’d have to start at 6.30am. She’s pretty exasperating!

She's in a shared house right now, with you though. Why is it now something she doesn't want? Other than your home is indeed likely better than other options?
Her aspiration for a single flat is a good one, but it needs to be saved for.
I agree with other posters, you need to give a letter with a defined date. And I'd bring it forward if I were you (if your son returns on 15th for example then you need to say 7th) as I predict at least a few days of drift

She doesn’t want a room in a shared house because she says she snores loudly.

But isn't that the living situation she's in now with you?

My colleague has exactly the same problem. The lady concerned only wants to live in a certain (very nice) town but can't afford it and won't share. My colleague and the council are at their wit's end as she won't co-operate at all. Hasn't even tried learning English, despite free lessons being offered. Let alone get a job.

I'm sure there are many more positive outcomes but it's such a shame.

I think your only option, as PPs have said, is to be firm with her and the council.

(We were considering hosting but we only have one bathroom so decided against it. Pretty relieved.)

@reallyneedmoresleep

You're not being kind by supporting her poor choices!

She's had many opportunities and didn't take them. Stop supporting bad choices and get her out!!

The police won't do anything

Oh well. In the nicest possible way that's not your problem. You've done your bit

Well if they don't just change the locks OP next time she goes out. What a fucking chancer she is.

What would she do in Ukraine if she couldn't do the job of her choosing immediately. Surely she would have to consider unskilled work as a stopgap while working towards her goal? Same for housing.

That's a fair solution. Personally I'd pack her stuff up too just to make it a bit quicker

dear OP,
The usual process would be to write to your lodger advising that you are no longer able to host for personal family reasons, and of course you are very sorry you can't extend the arrangements.
You book an appointment with the local housing officer /placement officer and accompany your ward.
You remain firm and supportive and reiterate that on the last day you will be bringing your Ukrainian with her belongings to the unit.
Gently/firmly explain what is going to happen to her so it is no surprise
And tell her that it has been a pleasure to host her, but like all things, your support has come to an end and of course you wish her well...

A lot of this is about managing unrealistic expectations and misplaced entitlement as housing options are very limited for locals as well.

Spirallingdownwards · Today 15:13

Contact the council again. They have specific teams dealing with this. They may be able to place her with a new sponsor family even. Tell them you have given her notice and it expires on (date) May and that at that point she will be homeless and their responsibility.

Yes, that's good advice. We're on our second family, both of whom agreed to a year. The first left after ten months and got a decent council flat, a few miles away, she's working here and has a little online job in Ukraine.

The two we have now (mother and daughter) want to stay in the close vicinity, but only the daughter is working; her English is good and mum is learning, but not very advanced. I've explained that they'll never afford a rent on a single not very good wage. Mum won't entertain a cleaning job, she's a high ranked lawyer in Ukraine.

They're sue to leave in July and I'm not sure that it won't be problematic. They're OK, very private, but after two years, we want our own space back. Our daughter is sick of it.

@reallyneedmoresleep

She did a couple of weeks at a warehouse but left as it was boring.

Aren't all jobs boring? Jeez the sense of entitlement.

Clearly the UK is not for her if we have shared houses, and uncomfortable beds, and jobs that start at 6.30am. Maybe she could she move back to Ukraine.

@reallyneedmoresleep you have done an amazing, kind, generous thing, and it is coming to an end. Lots of excellent advice from posters as to how to manage this.
But please don't feel bad. You are one of society's stars. You went above and beyond and you have nothing to reproach yourself for.🌟

As others have said, contact the council stating you can no longer host her. Keep a record. Tell her the date she needs to be out and put it in writing so there is no ambiguity. Point her in the direction of the housing office and / or any local support organisation as she needs to apply for housing and benefits.

She has no rights to remain in your property.

There may be somewhere that offers a rent deposit guarantee scheme - we have a local charity linked to Citizen Advice who do this for low income single people and childless couples.

You kindness is being exploited.

Thanks all I appreciate the support, truly. I was half expecting to be told I was being horrible for turfing out a refugee but she’s been in the UK for well over a year and is treating it like some sort of holiday

Well, you're not horrible! By taking her in, you've proved that you're the opposite of horrible.

I’m really glad you’ve been lucky, and I’m also humbled by your kindness and willingness to open up your home. But people are people, we’re all different, and these are potentially traumatised people who have had to flee their homes in the face of conflict. They deserved a considered, professional refugee response initiative, not a bed in someone’s spare room.

I was living in a European country when this all kicked off, and there was never any suggestion there that arrivals from Ukraine would be billeted with private citizens for any length of time. There are too many things that can go wrong, including vulnerable people not getting the appropriate support. I know it’s not the point of the thread though, so again, props to you and the OP- I wish you the very best.

Wait until she is out and change the locks. Bag her stuff up and leave it all outside

Is the snoring new or did it exist before??