Ukrainian house guest doesn't want to leave!

[reallyneedmoresleep]

We've had a Ukrainian house guest for the last six months via the Homes for Ukraine scheme. When she came to live with us, we said it would be for a six month period and at the last welfare check we confirmed that she would need to move out by mid-May.
She doesn't want to leave. She has asked several times if she can stay, we have said no. She says our house is much nicer than where she can afford to move to.

I have visited estate agents with her who advise that to rent privately, she either needs a guarantor (we are not prepared to do this) or to pay six month's rent plus the deposit up front. She cannot afford this.

What do we do?

I know the situation in Ukraine is appallling and I am writing from a position of immense priveledge but we have found it really difficult having someone else in our home. She is not an easy person to be around, does not work, has refused all offers to be taken to support groups and frequently just hangs around us when we are in the house when we are trying to work or just to chill. Our son is home from uni in a couple of weeks and we need the room back.

There has been radio silence from the council Homes for Ukraine scheme.
How can I help her to move on?

I'm not going to argue with you on here.

Personally, I don't want to take part in anything that has racism at it's core.

Carry on your naive thinking that Ukraine and it's president is totally innocent.

Next time I'm at the hairdresser I'll remember to ask her if she's going anywhere nice for her limited time period.

My friend did this- they really struggled at the end with the family they had - but at least their family moved out. Well done for hosting, it's a noble act. It's also fine to set boundaries and a moving out date.
Interesting that the government is categorically refusing an identical scheme for Palestinians because they're Arabs and not white.
Good luck with your situation.

I”m not arguing with you. It’s a talking point. The fact you think different is quite telling. As it happens, your last sentence tells me all I need to know.

We were the same. Considered it, but decided the support wasn’t in place, and we would be left to manage problems alone

You do that, and be sure to leave a good tip too 🙂

The fact I think different to you is 'telling'. 😆

Yes, it really is telling when it comes to apportioning blame for this terrible war.

Your story is similar to most people around us who hosted . My friend has so many issues with her guests . They complained endlessly about the house ( despite having a separate anex with bathroom living room and a room ) they complained UC wasn’t enough and got really upset when they where pip denied as they where traumatised , this whioe vibrantly returning to Ukraine for dentist appointments, boob job and a friends wedding . It caused so much stress and financial issues .

There's no way simply by saying you're happy to take someone in becaue you are familiar with their culture that , that makes you safe. You could take someone in ,anyone, from any background or religion even your own and it goes wrong, I wouldn't say that makes you racist but i would say it makes you sound naive and judgemental. I do understand you saying not wanting to take in a man on his own but what makes you think a man from a family is any safer just because he's from your idea of an acceptable background?

You are nuts to let a stranger in to your house. A woman at that ... are you married? I have no idea how you get out of this bonkers situation.

What?????

So somehow from....

'I don't really trust Zelensky' we have come to I think Ukraine is to blame for this war and I sympathise with Putin.

You really do like to put words in other peoples' mouths.

Have you ever lived in a house share?

It is a very difficult situation but I must admit I did wonder how this would all pan out when they announced the scheme. My DH is from a neighbouring country to the Ukraine. I think a lot of Brits assumed because Ukrainians look the same as many of us (not me though! Lol) that their culture would be the same or similar enough and it’s not. I’ve struggled enough in the early days of my marriage with the different ideas about gender roles and drinking alcohol to make just two examples… I couldn’t cope with being outnumbered!

Obviously Ukrainians are as complex a people as any and will all differ in their individual views, but it is a very different culture.

I don’t recall saying anything about Putin, but you crack on 🙂

You only hear about the cases where refugees have refused work, not about the hundreds of thousands who are now working. So no, not cultural.

People who took a Ukranian guest were incredibly generous but I did think at the time there were risks like this involved. It should now be the Councils problem to re-house her. Ring them up and say you are no longer in a position to offer accommodation. I'd give her say two months from now to move or else the police will be involved. I know you will be reluctant to do this but it might be the only way.

It’s not a Police matter!

I co-hosted an absolutely wonderful Ukrainian family (mum and 3 children, one of them a young adult) for a year.

The mum and the young adult were incredibly hard working from the first day, and have continued to be so to this day. The two younger children attend school every day and then do online Ukrainian school every night.

They now live independently, pay rent, bills, taxes etc.

I'm horrified by some of the appalling racist comments on this thread. Absolutely vile generalisations. Heaven forbid some of you find yourself in the same situation as these women and children.

As with every country, there are some people who work hard and some who don't.

The OP has asked for specific advice which has been given by several knowledgable people.

Stop the racist insults please.

What if they have trauma of MH problems - surely you can't just kick them out if they can't work? Apparently 12 months isn't enough to find work.

It is if she tries to re-enter after being kicked out. She's an intruder and has no legal right to be there.
@eise Of course the OP can kick her guest out MH issues or not. The council will rehouse her. Just not somewhere deemed erm up to her standards.

Refugees (Ukrainian or otherwise) aside homelessness is on the rise in most parts of the country with entire families in BnBs...

Pretty glad you weren't around when mass evacuation took place in WWll. ! Equally glad you weren't asked to house the Jewish mothers and kids fleeing the Nazis. !

I have had a Ukrainian lady with me for two years. I have a tiny 3 bed terraced house and 2 girls one of whom is at Uni.. the other lives in London. I asked if they minded if I offered one bedroom to a woman in need and I am proud to say they didn't hesitate.. and are happy to share a bed when they are both home.

My guest is super hard working and part of our family. We have also placed 24 other children and mothers in our immediate villages and only one has left to go back home and that is because her husband was injured in the war.

For us and my neighbours it has been a really positive experience and I hope if God forbid we were ever in the same situation we would meet the same kindness and compassion.

Don't judge everyone by the poor behaviour of a few. You also have e to consider that many lept at it because of the money on offer.. without thinking of anything else. - and that they are hosting people who have lost everything .

Fortunately we don’t have your problem. Ours are lovely and we all get on - even after a year.

We have a lot of support - but haven’t had to use it - from local council and county council.

They have said that they will pay deposits for private rentals and, I think, act as guarantors too.

One of the refugees’ future housing problems is that they are virtually all women, those with children are effectively single parents and have limited earning potential, not enough to get much more than very basic housing.

Our guest also had some wonderfully optimistic ideas that she could move into social housing when and where she wanted it, that it would have a garden, be near her DD’s school etc.

I hope your, and their, situation resolves itself soon.

Have you tried contacting any local groups or charities that support refugees? There must one that can advise.