Ukrainian house guest doesn't want to leave!

[reallyneedmoresleep]

We've had a Ukrainian house guest for the last six months via the Homes for Ukraine scheme. When she came to live with us, we said it would be for a six month period and at the last welfare check we confirmed that she would need to move out by mid-May.
She doesn't want to leave. She has asked several times if she can stay, we have said no. She says our house is much nicer than where she can afford to move to.

I have visited estate agents with her who advise that to rent privately, she either needs a guarantor (we are not prepared to do this) or to pay six month's rent plus the deposit up front. She cannot afford this.

What do we do?

I know the situation in Ukraine is appallling and I am writing from a position of immense priveledge but we have found it really difficult having someone else in our home. She is not an easy person to be around, does not work, has refused all offers to be taken to support groups and frequently just hangs around us when we are in the house when we are trying to work or just to chill. Our son is home from uni in a couple of weeks and we need the room back.

There has been radio silence from the council Homes for Ukraine scheme.
How can I help her to move on?

Some of the comments are pretty depressing esp the really tone deaf one about non white refugees having an easy time of it. I mean, half of them drown in the sea before reaching the shore. And comment above, fair enough. I'd rather host Afghans or Syrians as I share their culture over Ukrainians.

I do agree this is entirely the government's responsibility. They have a stake in stoking up this war and have thrown the Ukrainian immigrants and the host families under a bus.

She sounds very entitled and lazy. Like anyone else who chooses not to work or make any effort, she can live as a lodger or in a house share, not in a taxpayer funded property of her own. I and many others had to do this in the past at the start of our working life and did not go round whinging and expecting to be subsidised. Cheeky mare.

Who in their right mind thought this scheme was a good idea.

No one with half a brain, that’s for sure.

No one who thought they would have to do it.

Let some other poor schmo do it.

Thanks @samarrangeand @Menomeno for explaining.

If it's not safe to go back for the forseeable future, then I would have thought you'd act as if you were staying in the UK long-term. Work, learn the language, save with the view to be on your own feet after the six months, try to make a life where you are. Yet there are so many stories of people acting like you would if it was a temporary six week problem, not two years and counting.

I can tell you first hand about this if you are interested.The so called hotels are unofficial refugee camps. Abuse and exploitation is rife.

The whole country is not a war zone I don't think. I teach Ukrainians and almost all of them have gone home for Easter. In fact they go home a lot. Christmas, summer etc. I'm sure they wouldn't return home if it wasn't safe.

I don't know is which part of Ukraine they're from as don't ask them any personal questions but they frequently go home.

I mean, half of them drown in the sea before reaching the shore.

Pretty mental taking that level of risk to leave France.

Legally you can ask her to leave and call the police if she refuses. Morally…this is what comes of ‘charity’, you’ve learned a lesson.

If she wants to be a Russian teacher she could look for jobs online, my German (and Russian tutor) is a woman in Ukraine teaching online.
you’ve helped her for 6months and it doesn’t feel like she wants to help herself, as others have said firmly tell her the date and the council etc

I mean, half of them drown in the sea before reaching the shore

I assume this is hyberbolic? Whilst every death is highly regrettably the risk is low enough for so many to make the crossings. Since 2018 there have been approx 70 deaths. It's not known how many do cross successfully but it's close to 5000 since start of 2024. Numbers will rise when the weather improves. The main difference is that these refugees do go through safe countries so are making choices and with knowledge. Ukrainians woke up in Feb 22 to an invasion so their lives were upturned immediately.

I have hosted Ukrainians and so have family. I have nothing but admiration for those who moved to the UK to protect their children. I know of women who have been separated from husbands and male relatives for years. None that I know, want to remain here. There is often survivors guilt especially when the war shows no sign of ending.

I think the UK government assumed Russia would relent after a year, especially with backing of the allies and NATO. Sadly that now seems overly optimistic.

The biggest reason they got help is because they’re white. They’re plenty of Syrians and Aghans without help. It’s not only “the Ukrainians” who need our help, sadly.

They’re plenty of Syrians and Aghans without help.

People will be far more reluctant, understandably, to host solo men in a family home environment than mothers with children, particularly from cultures with very different expectations of the role of women and girls.

When the world was chipping in to help get Ukrainians out of their country in the early days, Ukrainians were actively stopping students who were not white from leaving, too and leaving them to their fate. You can’t make it up.

Yes, I agree with this. As a single woman with an almost adult son at home, I'd still only feel comfortable with a boy under 16, not a man.

Maybe also a young man caring for a young teen brother. I think that would make me feel safe enough, not that I have the space, but hypothetically.

What did you and other people expect? These are complete and utter strangers but because they are from a country where the population is white, the outpouring of sympathy for them in this country over other refugees was disingenuous. Now the chickens are coming home to roost when people realise that they have zero in common, different language and culture and most of them are taking the piss expecting everything for free.

Same here. I totally agree with those saying this. I remember questioning what would happen after six months when this hairbrained scheme was first set up.

I did give some money to the charities supporting Ukraine, but no way would I host.

As some are also saying, no good deed goes unpunished.

We've had 3 guests for 2 years now BUT we like them, they work / go to school, they contribute to the household, clean up after themselves / generally help with housework, help with dog walks etc., sometimes cook for us, make amazing cakes and have more or less taken over the gardening. In fact I sometimes wonder what we ever did without them . The dog is now bilingual and takes instructions in both English and Ukranian.

BUT we've been astonishingly lucky. There are niggles - of course there are but we get away with it as we have a big busy house hold with people in and out all the time.

It dosen't work for everyone though and we've seen plenty of people in your situation. In the end most of them have had to contact the council and give a date they want them out. Two of them had to get someone from the council to come and collect them - they did go but it was bitter. I know how relieved they felt once they got their homes back though. If you want them gone, be firm with the council who are obliged to either rematch them or find them accommodation of some sort.

Let’s hope that some of the posters on this thread never need help, or to rely on the kindness of strangers.

Hmm indeed. I’d save judgement once you can say ALL humans regardless of race, colour and religion are looked after in the same way because we all know the answer to that don’t we.

As for Zelensky, he is far from innocent and I don’t trust him one bit.