Bleach and other been swallowed.

[Intheair24]

Dd on/of boyfriend. Has swallowed bleach. And clothes washing tablets and fabric conditioner. We don't know how much. We know he's gone to hospital. He done it because dd said he can't go on holiday with her because of how nasty he has been to her.

How dangerous could this be dd feels awful

Yes but there is a difference between abusive behaviour that someone is making as a choice to act a certain way, and abusive behaviour that is happening due to a medical / developmental condition that someone can not help and has very limited control over.

My point is not that this isn't abusive because it may have been caused by autism, it is abusive behaviour regardless. My point is that if this has happened as a result of emotional dysregulation due to autistic meltdown then no the man is not a "low life" or a "prat" or "scum" or a high class manipulator as many people have called him in this thread.

That doesn't at all mean the DD should stay in the relationship at all, it just means the man shouldn't be villified with out far more information.

There is a big difference between swallowing bleach in extreme distress and raping someone Jesus wept. The guy is in hospital after seriously hurting himself.

Also a big difference between "forgiving someone's behaviour" and acknowledging that there are factors at play that mean that they are not a villain.

I don't know why Mumsnet has such a big problem with people finding it so incredibly difficult to see nuances in situations they are only given small amounts of contextual information on.

The OP is concerned for her DD and GC. Whether we have empathy for her former partner or think he is a disgustingly manipulative shitbag doesn't change the safeguarding.

OP's DD needs to end the relationship and avoid him.
Ex partner needs support from professionals.
Any contact with children needs to be supervised. Ideally at a contact centre where they will have seen it all before. What cannot happen is for an unstable man to be left alone with the children.

The Autism is relevant to how professionals work with him, not to OP's DD's actions or the safeguards now required.

No it doesn't change the immediate safeguarding no.

But it does impact longer term because they have a child together so unfortunately this isn't a walk away and never deal with or see this person again situation unfortunately. The DD will have many more interactions with this person moving forward.

So whether he is someone who experiences extreme emotional dysregulation on occasion due to his disability or whether he is a calculated manipulator are quite different things that require different responses in the long term.

For me, it’s both/and, unless he has a cognitive issue that means he can’t understand and can’t change. Short of a significant learning difficulty, it’s his responsibility to manage himself and his actions.

I agree that name calling is never helpful. Calling out behaviour is better, regardless of the cause.

How is he this morning OP, heard anything?

He did not have to stay on over night. Because he only had roughly a cup of bleach.the other stuff was not mentioned. I do find it odd that he collapsed in the ambulance then fainted in the hospital. Plus the bleach thing but sent him home on the same night. But I know nothing about that sort of stuff . Does seem odd though.

Dd is pretty stressed over everything

I would have thought he would be needing some sort of psychiatric evaluation at minimum.

I hope your daughter knows this isn't her fault, and that she isn't responsible for his actions. Has she ever looked at the Freedom Programme?

If he drank a cup of bleach he would have burned his mouth, throat, and probably nose as well because it would hit his stomach and he would throw it back up again.

They would be running tests as well to make sure he didn't damage his stomach, throat etc.

That's just the physical stuff, I can't imagine that they wouldn't have got him seen by the crisis team.

It sounds to me like he's made up an illness, got taken to hospital, realised that they will find out he's bullshitting about whatever he said to get the ambulance, and fake fainted.

Your dd should be getting people involved for the safety of her dc at this point. If he's willing to hurt, or pretend to hurt himself to punish your dd, then what will he do to the kid? She needs to cut contact, report this to everyone she can, and insist on supervised visitation.

This. I don't believe a word. If that had really happened his Mum would not be worried about her child's bedtime, he'd be screaming in agony she would be with him and they wouldn't have discharged him the same day. It's dramatic bullshit.

I drank bleach when I was around 8 years old (neighbours kept bleach in a lemonade bottle and their son invited me to a glass......)

Had my stomach pumped in hospital but didn't suffer any burns, nor did I faint or pass out at any point.

I reckon he was milking it for all his worth.

I'm not sure what you mean about thr bedtime thing.

I'm a bit suspicious about the situation though

I think a cup of bleach would do harm to mouth, throat, stomach. I’m sure someone who had done that wouldn’t be well enough to be sent home within hours. Like a pp I think he faked the faint then realised he’d be found out.
He sounds very unstable. Manipulative, attention seeking, who knows?
Hopefully your dd will access some help , maybe the Freedom programme and separate herself from him.

Tbh I was willing to give the guy the benefit of the doubt before due to my own experience of very dangerous behaviour during meltdowns but I'm pretty sure he'd need a stomach pump if he drank an entire cup of bleach. If the hospital considered him to have consumed safe levels he could well be discharged but absolutely would have crisis team involvement. This does now sound manipulative

I totally agree.

I used to work in psychiatric hospitals where most of the patients had tried to kill themselves. While UK crisis services are stretched beyond all that is reasonable, I find it very surprising that he was not assessed and/or detained, if he did what he claimed to have done. Not impossible, but unlikely. Small amounts of caustic chemicals may not cause damage so if he did not need any treatment, it sounds like if he swallowed anything, it was a token amount.

Token/gestures - sometimes these happen because the person really thinks these things will kill them (think of a child who jumps out of an upstairs window, fully expecting that will be enough) but mostly it is a cry for help or a manipulation. It is seeming more like manipulation given the fainting etc.

BUT - none of the opinions of why he did it matter. What does is that OPs DD MH is on the line, and therefore the welfare of her child. Any relationship which reaches this height of toxicity needs to end and each person needs to distance from the other. It will be better for him too, in the long term.

@Universalsnail I've never cut myself having a meltdown. That was a very deliberate act in order to hurt myself when I was younger and suicidal. I've had therapy and been on antidepressants several times in my life on order to never feel that bad again, and I haven't cut myself in years. I am sorry you're experience of meltdowns is so much worse than mine, and that your family is unsupportive.
I know when I'm feeling overwhelmed and on the edge, my usual response is to cry at that point. If I or someone else pushes me beyond that I will have a meltdown. Most of the time I can avoid it if I get out of the situation. It's exhausting trying to control myself, but somehow I manage it, at least until I get home and no one can see me. Pregnancy has made some of my symptoms worse as well. Other autistic people are different though.
I do stand by my comments about people excusing bad behaviour, and that I think this guy tried poisoning himself deliberately, which you now think is the case as well. I've had relationships with guys like that, who will hurt themselves or threaten to as a manipulation tool, and I'm kind of done with it. They're both still alive and well.