Bleach and other been swallowed.

[Intheair24]

Dd on/of boyfriend. Has swallowed bleach. And clothes washing tablets and fabric conditioner. We don't know how much. We know he's gone to hospital. He done it because dd said he can't go on holiday with her because of how nasty he has been to her.

How dangerous could this be dd feels awful

Autism is not an excuse for his behaviour but could be a reason - autistic people and those with ADHD/BPD often feel rejection (even only perceived rejection) very deeply and irrationally and can make dangerous and impulsive decisions on the back of that. I speak from experience.
This does NOT mean that your DD should feel that it is in any way her fault - he needs a lot of help to manage those emotions.
A very difficult relationship for her at a young age especially with a child to consider.

Of course - if he is lying that's a whole other issue!!

Bit harsh, the phosphates in the solutions can be life threatening so if its true then he should get medical help, his mum isn't helping but dd needs to get away from him and keep herself and the baby safe.

Yes. Does not mean he is an abuser. Does not make it right, but doesnt make him an abuser in this case.

Your daughter needs professional help to break the habit of moving from one abusive man to the next. Did she witness abuse growing up? OP, can you support your daughter and grandchild to get away from this man and to gain self confidence in her ability to be a hood parent alone?

I should think she called an ambulance before messaging dd. He had told dd he was going to hurt himself in some way. So she told his mum. So his mum went home. To see what he was upto.

He needs never to be alone with your dd or the baby....

So mum doesnt really know what, if anything, he took.

I really don't understand this assumption. A couple of people have said this now.

If he has actually done this then, apart from urgent medical help, he needs help from the mental health crisis team. Hopefully, they can help him in hospital with the physical side of things but he also needs assessing mentally as he has attempted suicide. He may be admitted to a mental health unit to be assessed when he has recovered physically. I really hope he recovers as what he has done is seriously life threatening. I would definitely keep your daughter and her child well away from him. If he's so volatile and unpredictable to do things like this, then your daughter and her child could be in danger from him, who knows what he'll do next?

I disagree that autism has nothing to do with this. I have behaved very dangerously and have taken over doses and all sorts during autistic meltdowns triggered by perceived rejection. It has never been to manipulate someone, I've just got so distressed with the situation I've had a meltdown and then been so desperate for the meltdown to stop I've behaved in really scary and dangerous way and hurt myself as a result . This can be a part of autism that doesn't get talked about as much. People like to talk about autistic quirks but not extreme meltdowns. If he is autistic I don't think it's fair to jump to the conclusion is he a nasty manipulative abuser like some people are refering to him as. This could very well be extreme emotional dysregulation he has little control over.

That said that doesn't mean she should be staying with him. This will fuck her up. It sounds like she needs support in leaving him and realising his behaviour isn't her fault and he needs some major support in learning to keep himself safe if he feels himself becoming emotionally overwhelmed and unregulated.

Of course it could be that despite the autism this is a controlling conscious manipulation on his part, but we can't be sure of that considering the autism

I really don't understand this assumption. A couple of people have said this now.

If you thought your daughter had consumed bleach, would you insist she gets urgent medical help?

Dd just this moment messaged me . He apprently collapsed in the ambulance then fainted in the hospital. They have taken him else where within the hospital. And they have taken bloods .

NOT her fault and NOT someone to be involved with.

What part is unclear op? What does the mum have to gain from messaging DD apart from making her feel bad?

Edit to say I've just seen your update
I can't actually imagine carrying on a running commentary if my child was having a medical crisis, the phone could get fucked. Yet I know these people exist 🤯 I'm not suggesting the mum is lying, just that her motivation is not in the best interests of your DD.

I'm not going to get into this debate. Where did I say that his mum was messaging dd (before) calling an ambulance.

Sounds horrendous. All of it.

This.

At best he has serious MH problems at worst he’s a manipulative arse who will threaten stuff like this every time your dd doesn’t do as he asks.

Really Hope you’re teaching her this isn’t acceptable behaviour and she’s in no way to blame. I’d be furious.

It was dd who messaged his mum to say he was threatening to hurt himself etc . Dd told his mum to let her know what's happening etc .

His mum is the one that told dd it was not a good idea that he gos away with her and she herself has told dd the relationship is not good etc etc. Her son is a ahit. That does not mean his mum is.

Dd just this moment messaged me ...

If possible go to your DD. She needs your support, your grandchild needs your support. Is it possible for you to get to her house ASAP?

Fair enough op. x

Regardless of his mother’s actions. You need to encourage your daughter to stay well away from him and to protect their child.

He has done something really extreme to punish your daughter, it’s not ok. She isn’t to blame.

I really do feel like you're focusing on the wrong thing here op.

Your dd is in, at the minimum, a coercive controlling relationship.

She did something 'wrong' he has punished her by, apparently, drinking bleach.

This is not normal on any level.

The fact the mum is managing to message your dd while dealing with her son who, apparently, drank bleach makes me concerned about her level of involvement here too. Surely she would wait until he was at the hospital and stable before messaging. Would she really be messaging while her son was potentially dying.

Regardless your dd needs support in getting out of this mess and away from this guy. That should be your focus right now.

And yes it’s very dangerous- I know someone who died from swallow bleach (suicide)

I agree with PPs who say your DD should stay away from him.