Who should pay for this funeral?

[aquestiontoanswer]

This man was a father to 3 adult DC, but very distant and largely absent from their early teens onwards, (ran away from the family home with another OW, whom he later married). In last few years he saw his adult DC at Christmas for a couple of hours but otherwise never kept in touch. Kept emotionally distant and DC didn't know where he lived or the name of his new wife.

The man was declared bankrupt a couple of years ago. Apparently he has left nothing behind, no property, no pension, and his wife is left penniless. His ex-wife (the DC's Mum) also facing financial hardship. All 3 DC are adults in their 20's, working on normal / average incomes.

Who should pay for the funeral? Should the DC's pay for the funeral?

Would you not feel more uneasy about the fact that your children had basically been cut out of this man's life from the moment he felt like going after another woman? Would you not be angry with him for doing that to your children? If he couldn't be bothered to support them as a father in life, why should they be expected to produce one penny on his behalf after his death?

It sounds a little as if the ex would like to take over the funeral as a sort of two fingers up to the OW. Fair enough, but only if she wants to pay herself.

No. Isn't she actually technically his NoK?

The reality is that there is a difference between the safe disposal of human remains and a funeral. The government will step in and take care of the former, but a funeral is for the surviving family and friends. Any kind of memorial is entirely optional.

when someone says, who should pay for the funeral, I take that to mean a service or memorial of some type.

Re Bereavement Support Payment, I believe it is the age of the surviving spouse that is relevant. Is the current wife/widow under retirement age?

The kids should not pay. It’s up to the current wife and if she can’t pay then the local authority will manage it.

Personally I think nobody involved should be expressing an opinion on who pays unless they are also contributing. It seems like the adult children are getting pressured to pay by people with no intention of paying themselves.

The wife needs to sort it out. If she can't pay I'm sure the FD will tell her what to do next. When DFiL died the FD was very helpful in signposting.

However, if there is NO MONEY AT ALL yes, go for bereavement benefit, it's easy to find on .Gov.Uk.

The DC shouldn't pay, unless they want to, which I doubt very much.

@aquestiontoanswer actually, legally, the person who organises this funeral is the person who is liable to pay for it!! the next of kin is the current wife so she should be putting her hand in her pocket but she can apply to the dss for financial assistance for financial assistance then they will pay for the cheapest cremation with absolutely no frills. the family friend should be wary of what they are organising

It’s perfectly possible to feel all those things.

You can be aware someone behaved shittily and still have fond feelings about the good times. Especially if you made three kids with them.

I’m not saying the mum is right to pressure the kids. I was protesting some of the harsh language used against someone who has recently lost, forever, the father of her children, along with any hopes that he might get back in touch with them etc.

My great uncle was a sexist so and so, he was also a talented painter, an interesting conversationalist, a former RAF pilot… I mourned his death and I am glad he got a funeral. Those we love, or loved, leave us with many emotions.