Who should pay for this funeral?

[aquestiontoanswer]

This man was a father to 3 adult DC, but very distant and largely absent from their early teens onwards, (ran away from the family home with another OW, whom he later married). In last few years he saw his adult DC at Christmas for a couple of hours but otherwise never kept in touch. Kept emotionally distant and DC didn't know where he lived or the name of his new wife.

The man was declared bankrupt a couple of years ago. Apparently he has left nothing behind, no property, no pension, and his wife is left penniless. His ex-wife (the DC's Mum) also facing financial hardship. All 3 DC are adults in their 20's, working on normal / average incomes.

Who should pay for the funeral? Should the DC's pay for the funeral?

The wife

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The children and ex have no obligation and the wife is cheeky to consider it.

If the state pays, they usually do a basic service you are allowed to attend, but there is no grave and the ashe’s aren’t returned.

Assuming the children won't go to the funeral then I think its perfectly acceptable for them not to contribute

His current wife will be his NOK and should be making arrangements, using government grants if need be.

To be clear, his ex-wife is the one he left some years ago, and the mother of his DC. She feels a sense of duty and is invested in what happens. The widow is apparently penniless, although relations are bad generally so none of the DC have spoken to her or met her, and would not know how to contact her. A family friend seems to be co-ordinating things at the moment and has assumed that the adult DC will contribute (helped along in this assumption by the ex-wife).

The DC are clueless about where things stand / the right course of action.

Estate then wife then council…

As many pp's have said his wife is NOK and is responsible. If she or they have no money she has to apply to the local authority where they live and they will arrange what used to be called a paupers funeral. The adult children and ex-wife should not feel obligated to help out the wife with this cost nor allow themselves to be guilted into paying.

It's entirely the DC's choice. If they feel they want to give him a "proper" funeral they can and should. If not, it's the wife's problem to work out with the help of the local authority, if needed.

I think many adult DC would want to do it, even or even especially if the realtionship was poor, and depending on their own financial position, split 4 ways it need not be a lot of money.

The wife will get bereavement support payment, which is £2500 lump sum and £100 per month for 18 months, more if there are children under 18yo, so there is "some" money.

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But that's you and me as tax payer. I don't think that's fair personally unless the person genuinely knew nobody.

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Does he have parents/siblings that could shoulder the cost?

It's a much smaller burden shared with all of us. Why should I pay a significant portion because I knew someone?

If she has no money, she might be eligible for a bereavement support payment, which should cover the cost of a no-frills cremation/burial:

https://www.gov.uk/browse/benefits/bereavement

Legally nobody has to pay for a family member's funeral. The estate pays. If the person died without a penny and nobody wants to or is able to pay, the local authority arranges it.

They should not feel guilted into paying anything.

All bereaved spouses and civil partners are entitled to it, it's not means tested.

It's not really intended for funeral costs though. If the estate can't pay for the funeral the LA arranges it.

There is also funeral expenses assistance, which can be claimed if the widow is on benefits: https://www.gov.uk/funeral-payments

Does he have possessions that can be sold? A car? Jewellery? Electrical items? Books/records? Belongings? If he has they should be sold.

Not applicable as far as I understand as he was over state pension age

@aquestiontoanswer His current wife should pay for the funeral. My adult sons were in a similar situation when their dad died only last month. There was no new wife but they paid £1800 for a direct cremation.

Adult children are under no obligation. They should only contribute if they want to. (If I was a spouse of one of those children I might bristle at family money being used for a father that abandoned them.....however.....my view is that funerals are for the living. So if my spouse needed a funeral then the money spent is really on him and his feelings and it's not about the father really.)

The current wife was his next of Kin so she should pay. Adult DC shouldn’t have to pay especially given the lack of contact. I have little contact with my DF but no bad blood but no I wouldn’t pay.

The ex-wife has no standing in the matter.