Who should pay for this funeral?

[aquestiontoanswer]

This man was a father to 3 adult DC, but very distant and largely absent from their early teens onwards, (ran away from the family home with another OW, whom he later married). In last few years he saw his adult DC at Christmas for a couple of hours but otherwise never kept in touch. Kept emotionally distant and DC didn't know where he lived or the name of his new wife.

The man was declared bankrupt a couple of years ago. Apparently he has left nothing behind, no property, no pension, and his wife is left penniless. His ex-wife (the DC's Mum) also facing financial hardship. All 3 DC are adults in their 20's, working on normal / average incomes.

Who should pay for the funeral? Should the DC's pay for the funeral?

The ex wife believes the "family" should pay, out of a sense of duty and sentiment but doesn't have the money herself.

Either the wife/his estate or a paupers funeral. If he's been declared bankrupt then probably the latter.

Nobody else should pay unless they really, really want to.

Current wife pays for basic direct funeral, or if she proves she cannot pay she might get support from government.

Nothing to do with the ex-wife or dc if they don't want to be involved.

No one. There are options with the council of people genuinely can't pay.

Sorry but duty is a bullshit concept intended to impose guilt and manipulate people.

What's your relationship to him, if there's no money then no one can pay

There are benefits available to help pay for funerals, the wife needs to claim them.

I would suggest that the children and possibly the ex-wife gather at someone’s home for a family dinner. Everyone can contribute to defray the costs. They can spend the evening talking and processing his life and death.

what the current wife does is up to her and her issue financially.

The ex wife is wrong. The DC have absolutely no duty or obligation to pay.

Ex-wife should decide for herself what she wants to do, but everyone should leave the adult dc to make their own decisions too without guilt tripping either way.

For example the wife of one of the adult dc, you should also let their dh make their own decision.

Who are you in this scenario OP? Makes these things easier to answer instead of being coy.

Yep, I think they’re called ‘direct’ cremations?

Well she's his family so she should pay in that case.

who should pay?
i presume the wife and less so the children.
i copied and pasted the below from internet:
In the UK, there are legal obligations and responsibilities associated with paying for a funeral. The primary responsibility lies with the deceased’s estate – or the next of kin. If there are sufficient funds or assets available, the funeral expenses should be paid from the estate.
However, if the estate lacks the necessary funds, the responsibility may fall on the deceased’s family members. In short, the next of kin are responsible for the funeral costs if the deceased does not have sufficient finances to cover the funeral.
The order of priority for responsibility goes in the following order:

1. The deceased’s estate,
2. The deceased’s spouse or civil partner
3. Children or next of kin
4. Parents of the deceased
5. Other relatives

the ex wife is not a relative.

It's his wife's responsibility to arrange what happens to his body. A simply commital at the crem would be fine.

If his wife is penniless, as she claims, I'd assume she is in receipt of benefits so she may be entitled to help with the cost from the government. He hasn't been a father is any sense of the word so she has a cheek to assume his children should pay.

I think Direct Cremation still costs about £1,000 if you organise it - I’m not sure how that differs from what would happen if you just did nothing.

Good luck with that. She can’t make you and I’d rather take the noise.

I think the children should contribute exactly the amount of sentiment and duty their father extended to them. Maybe £2.50 each?

He will have a perfectly respectable cremation even if the council have to pay - wife can still attend. There is no responsibility on his children, especially children he walked away from, to pay.

She can get help with funeral costs if she is on benefits.

I bet she wouldn't be as keen to include his 'family' if he'd left millions!

She can believe whatever she wants, doesn't mean it's going to happen.

Paupers funeral paid for by the local council. But don't expect any input to it or in some cases to even be allowed to attend.

If there is no estate and the current wife has no money then the council pays.

If one or more of the children feel like clubbing together then they can do so, provided the current wife agrees.

Ex-wife is entitled to her opinion but nothing else, she isn't part of discussion due to 1: having no money and 2:being an ex.

Nobody that dies will be left on top.
They’d begin to stink.
They’d be disposed of in some way.

Process what? He was an absent father who ran off with OW. The best way to proces that is to by giving him in death what he gave them - nothing.

As he clearly felt neither duty nor sentiment towards his family, that argument goes nowhere.