How would you react if you saw a 3 yo trying to deliberately step on a cat's tail?

[TotesDelulu]

For context, child is 3.8 (4 this summer), the parent is my friend who was out of sight at the far end of the garden (it's a big garden) making a phone call. Cat is 15 with arthritis and was snoozing in the sun.

I was inside washing up and looking out if the closed kitchen window when I saw child looking down at floor and moving strangely. I stood on tiptoes and moved to the side to get a view of child's feet and realised they were trying to step on the cat's swishing tail. I yelled "[CHILD] STOP IT, YOU DO NOT STEP ON THE CAT'S TAIL" extremely loudly through the window just as the child's foot came down on the end of cat's tail. Child jumped backwards then looked round to see who had shouted. I went and opened back door, crouched down and said "[Child] I need to talk to you" at normal volume and in a normal tone of voice but child ran off toward friend who had heard me shout and come to see what the problem was.

Friend has now got the hump and gone home because a) they don't shout and b) child claims not to have been stepping on tail. I don't usually shout either especially not at other people's DC, but child was outside, no parent in sight, windows and doors shut, and I was worried for my poor old cat and wanted to intervene fast enough to prevent a tail injury!

I am absolutely 100% certain that's what child was doing, I would never have shouted had I not been certain.

So how would anyone else have reacted?

FFS, stop being so bloody ridiculous. There are many instances where shouting is absolutely necessary, especially if it involves the safety of a child or animal and there is no other way to immediately intervene.

Yep, I'd have shouted.

The parent is being a bit silly. Three year olds often do things they shouldn't so it's pretty much impossible to be sure the child wasn't trying to step on the tail without having actually been there. Plus, at worst you've given the child a bit of a shock. They will get over it.

Yes but if you count the children who harm animals (on a low level - stepping on tails, pulling ears etc) and work out the number who would turn into serial killers it would be tiny. For the most part it’s basically just curiosity - what happens if I do X, if I’m stood on the tail can the cat still walk? - because empathy doesn’t develop until 4/5.

Mutilation and torture are totally different.

Obviously you were completely in the right. I shout all the time at my toddler if he is out of reach and about to do something dangerous. How else will they stop in a split second?

I don’t understand the current thing where only the parents can tell kids off. I’d love it if someone else told my toddler off if they were being naughty. Tends to be a lot more effective from a stranger.

I'm willing to bet there's more people out there that did something mean as a child to another child or animal and didn't grow up to be serial killers than did

Yeah it may be true that most serial killers hurt animals as kids, but it's not true that most kids that hurt animals turn into serial killers.

Exactly.
My dh as a 3 year old was caught using a knitting needle to poke the cat who had v. wisely hidden under the sideboard.
When said cat died 11 years later dh was devastated.
Dh is softer with animals than anyone else I know.

You did nothing wrong. Little children can sometimes hurt animals or scare them, I think that’s pretty normal, their empathy and understanding isn’t at a point when they comprehend that their actions have a co sequence to the animal. That’s our job as parents and adults, to prevent harm and to teach them how they should behave.

I would have done the same. I have told off strangers children in public on several occasions for similar behaviour. One day I'm sure I'll get a thump but it hasn't happened yet

what a load of bollocks
also with the Ian huntley nonsense
as a pp said, the child may have been 'trying to stop the tail swishing'
or just 'I wonder what will happen if...'
A 3 yo doesn't reliably empathise with humans, who look more or less like them, not at all surprising if they can't yet empathise with a cat
this is why we teach them fgs

The child is three ,it's far more likely that he's just a,Little over indulged and does not fully understand the consequences of his actions, yes the behaviour is unacceptable as is the behaviour of many three year old, the vast majority do not turn out to be serial killers .

I think your reaction in this situation would very much depend on what kind of person you are. I would do the same as you, I would only think about my goal : stop the cruelty and would do everything to achieve this, then I would go out and explain calmly. My sister wouldn’t do this she would raise her voice but in a friendly nice way, she wouldn’t react so impulsive as me. And for her, her son was never wrong. So if your friend is the same type as my sister, I can see why she can’t understand you shouting to stop her PFB son.
However I think you were wrong to shout. Shouting is wrong in principle. So I would apologise to your friend and say that you could handle situation better but only for this.
If she would still insist that her child would never do this - she is daft, leave her to it.

DH caught DD trying to do it to a neighbourhood cat at a slightly younger age. There was definitely a shout of “don’t you dare” and then a stern talking to from both of us. I would have no problem with anyone else doing it wither. I promise she’s not a psychopath, she’s extremely kind to a family dog.

It's a ridiculous stretch , the child wasent being deliberately cruel ,they were just being three ,three year old poke and prod animals all the time ,I'm willing to bet it was more over exuberance and childhood curiosity rather than the first signs of being a serial killer

A nearly four year old isn't a toddler.
Shouting is an intervention.

If you run a toddler group where it's normal for 3 year olds to be unsupervised outside and out of the normal range for a speaking voice then you probably need to review your practices.

If she didn’t like how you dealt with it then maybe she should have been properly supervising her child instead of making a phone call at the bottom of the garden. You did nothing wrong OP, I’d have done the same in that situation.

It's a three year old doing something thoughtless. I would message the mum and say, I know how young kids do things all the time without really thinking about what they're doing, I was just worried about old cat in the moment. Sorry you felt you had to go home. Then leave it to her to get over it or not.

Pretty much all of this

She wouldn't be welcome back unless she supervises her little prince

If I couldn’t get to my pet quickly enough to stop it from being hurt and possibly injured I would happily scream the house down in an attempt to deter the child until I could get to them. I don’t think you did anything wrong. I also recognise kids will be kids at that age. I can’t be so gracious about your friend though, as it sounds like she’s calling you a liar because she can’t entertain the fact that her child was behaving like that.

I'd do the same. We "don't shout" but that means we don't shout when talking will do! It sounds like you shouted so they'd hear and appropriately spoke to the child once in their vicinity. I'd have done the same and I would absolutely want any other adult to do the same re a child of mine.

Well , I’d assume you’d shout just as loud if the child had run out the gate, found a sharp garden tool, was picking up a broken glass. Would his mother have objected to that?
You were right, the child has to learn, friend is deluded.

team shouty here. Well done OP

I really don't get the kind/gentle hands, kind/gentle feet thing. What does kind feet mean? Surely kids should just be keeping their feet away from other kids? Isn't it easier and clearer for kids to understand if you just say "we don't kick"?

Kind/gentle hands is a particular bugbear of mine because a child was pushing my child at soft play and the mum came over and told her child "gentle hands". But I don't think her child should have been touching mine at all?

If she's going to take her three year old's word about what happened over yours, then I don't think she's your friend unfortunately.

Surely no one thinks YABU op

if they do…wtf??