How would you react if you saw a 3 yo trying to deliberately step on a cat's tail?

[TotesDelulu]

For context, child is 3.8 (4 this summer), the parent is my friend who was out of sight at the far end of the garden (it's a big garden) making a phone call. Cat is 15 with arthritis and was snoozing in the sun.

I was inside washing up and looking out if the closed kitchen window when I saw child looking down at floor and moving strangely. I stood on tiptoes and moved to the side to get a view of child's feet and realised they were trying to step on the cat's swishing tail. I yelled "[CHILD] STOP IT, YOU DO NOT STEP ON THE CAT'S TAIL" extremely loudly through the window just as the child's foot came down on the end of cat's tail. Child jumped backwards then looked round to see who had shouted. I went and opened back door, crouched down and said "[Child] I need to talk to you" at normal volume and in a normal tone of voice but child ran off toward friend who had heard me shout and come to see what the problem was.

Friend has now got the hump and gone home because a) they don't shout and b) child claims not to have been stepping on tail. I don't usually shout either especially not at other people's DC, but child was outside, no parent in sight, windows and doors shut, and I was worried for my poor old cat and wanted to intervene fast enough to prevent a tail injury!

I am absolutely 100% certain that's what child was doing, I would never have shouted had I not been certain.

So how would anyone else have reacted?

If anyone stood on my cat's tail on purpose, I'd be in jail right now.

that is animal abuse you were absolutely reasonable.
its a known fact that most serial killers/violent criminals show signs as children in animal cruelty and abuse. your friend needs to show some concern .

You responded perfectly reasonably and I would’ve been fine if it had been my DC

But your reaction was perfectly acceptable.

I would have had the same reaction. I abhor cruelty to animals.

I've done similar too.

Walking with DNieces and their school friend. I was picking all 3 girls from school and bringing them back to my sisters for a playdate.
DN1 & her friend was 6 and DN2 was 4. I was holding DN2s hand and steering the scooters that my sis let the kids go to school on.
DN1 and Her Friend were in a bit of a playful mood and running off together. I told them don't run too far, and don't cross the road.
What do they do? Holding hands, looking back at me with a smirk, they run off and start running towards the road. The road isn't that busy, but I could see a white van approaching.
I BELLOWED at the kids, honestly, it surprised myself, but they stopped in their tracks and looked all sheepish. I dumped the scooters, picked up DN2 and ran over the others still thoroughly pissed off and gave both of them an earful about listening and revoking their TV rights.
DN1 told her mum when she came home that I had been mean, sister understood why when I said what had happened.

I would have done the same but I have a friend who also would have reacted in the same way your friend did.

She does not shout, nor do I, but she says she does that gentle parenting, her child doesn't really show her respect or use manners, she doesn't seem to see it. But they are 6 now,

We had the same with friend's kid trying to poke the cat from under a shrub so he could chase her. It was my friend who shouted very loudly out of the window at him. She was cery cross.

Your reaction was entirely normal.

It takes a village.

Until the parent decides it doesn't.

‘Gosh, it looked just like he was stamping on cat and I thought child would get injured. Just a big misunderstanding then. To be on the safe side, I’d keep an eye on him with animals just in case. It would be awful if got hurt.’

I would have done the same.

if someone told my child off for doing that I’d be ok with them.

If the child had got scratched or bitten & had to go for a tetanus jab, she / he would have thoroughly deserved it. But it would probably have been the cat who got the flack.

The child is three the behaviour is not acceptable ,but i don't think a child of that age is fully capable of comprehending all of their actions many young children attempt to pull or do indeed pull the tails of dogs and cats most don't become serial killers

I think you were right to do that.
My similar aged son as we walked along said don't worry mum i'm killing all the worms for you.
I said oh no we don't kill them, they're crossing the path to find soil to hide in. Let's hope cats will be safe from him 😬

YANBU your actions were perfectly justified
however there's no need for people to be calling the child 'a little shit' or similar or to be talking about animal cruelty
if the child is in a family with no pets the idea that an animal has feelings/can be hurt/might retaliate is perhaps new to them. After all plenty of children that age fail to empathise with other people never mind animals.
If you'd been within grabbing distance then a sharp 'no' at the same time as moving them out of the way, followed by a chat about how you would feel if someone stepped on your foot etc would be ideal
But you weren't close enough and your actions were effective.

I can't reach the kitchen window to bang on it. There was a kitchen sink and then an 18" deep windowsill between me and the glass (old house with really thick stone walls).

Well done, I would have done exactly the same thing. I hope that child had the absolute piss scared out of him. His mother can have the hump all she wants and hopefully they never come back.

I would have shouted too. I probably would have got the parent rather than asking the child to come to me.

I would have explained to parents that shouting was necessary to avoid cat or child being hurt.

A three year old stepping on a cat tail was probably more cause and effect than a deliberate attempt to hurt an elderly cat. But still needs to be managed effectively.

I mean, I don't think child is on the way to becoming a serial killer. Just a bit over-indulged and under-supervised!

Your friend is not a great friend either if she sides with a 3 year old over you over this matter.

What motivation would you possibly have for making it up ?

Either a) The kid was doing it and your action was justified or b) it wasn't, you were mistaken but should be forgiven because you were acting in the best interests of the child and the cat.

My guess is if the child had been engaged in some sort of activity where it could have been hurt and you didn't step in then it would have been your problem again for not doing anything. So no win scenario. So don't bother getting into the position where you can't win in the first place - that is to say, dump the "friend".

Ditto

@TotesDelulu

i would have done similar to you, but probably with a bit more of a 'don't you dare' tone.

3.5 yo knows better.

As for your 'friend' just say 'I saw it, you did not. I know what I saw'

the 3 yo might not be actually lying though, they look at things differently and might not agree with what you said for example they might be 'trying to stop the tail swishing' not 'standing on the cats tail. Does that make sense.

Yeah I'm not down with being mean about the child or taking it as a sign they're going to be a Wrong Un as an adult. I certainly don't think that.

My DC are much older, I had three of them in quick succession when I was in my early 20s whereas friend has just got the one PFB who she had in her 40s. So I know plenty about little kids and how daft they can be, even though it was a while ago that I had any of my own!

This is one of those rare occasions where even if you had been mistaken and that wasn't what was happening I wouldn't criticise you for shouting because you thought the cat was about to get hurt.

4 is old enough for the parent to say to the child 'totes was worried about the cat getting injured because it looked like you were about to even if you weren't '

It seems like your reason for shouting was to get the child's attention, not to be aggressive. I'm not sure what else you could have done. YANBU, your friend is a twat.