Page 15 | Evening invite to friend’s wedding

RulersPencilsCrayons · 14/04/2024 08:34

Can someone let me know if OP has actually been to the hen do or not? I did ask but don’t think she saw it! Wayyyy too invested here 😁

I definitely would not be going to the hen do, sorry but you are not on the same friendship page and I’d not be forking out hundreds of pounds on the hen do unless if course others of your friends are going and you want to catch up with them.

ZipZapZoom · 14/04/2024 08:45

RulersPencilsCrayons · 14/04/2024 08:34

Can someone let me know if OP has actually been to the hen do or not? I did ask but don’t think she saw it! Wayyyy too invested here 😁

I definitely would not be going to the hen do, sorry but you are not on the same friendship page and I’d not be forking out hundreds of pounds on the hen do unless if course others of your friends are going and you want to catch up with them.

Yes she's been on the hen do already. It says so in the first post.

A week or so after the hen do I messaged her to find out timings for the wedding

Speckybecky123 · 14/04/2024 09:30

ZipZapZoom · 13/04/2024 21:42

I appreciate this is a long thread but you don't have to read it all to see the hen do has happened. It's right there in the very first post...

A week or so after the hen do

That’s polite way of putting it 🤦🏼‍♀️so frustrating that people keep saying get your money back 😂

GoldEagle · 14/04/2024 11:03

Saintmariesleuth · 11/04/2024 00:05

Completely understand that you feel hurt OP (and a bit miffed about the hen party)

However, she gets to choose the guest list and I would not confront or discuss the matter with her

If you think the hen party would be fun (sounds like other mutual friends are involved) and you can go afford then go. If not, politely make an excuse (that is nothing to do with the lack of day time invite)

OP has attended the hen do at considerable expense, the event is over

GoldEagle · 14/04/2024 11:10

Hate to be cynical but she may have just invited you to hen do to spread the cost. I am tempted to say refuse the invitation to the evening event but will that effect your relationship with the rest of your close girlfriends who are invited to the wedding?

Saintmariesleuth · 14/04/2024 11:18

@GoldEagle indeed. This was pointed out to me further back in the thread and I acknowledged that I had misunderstood this point

I agree that with OPs updates it sounds like she might have been invited to the hen do to up the numbers (which she acknowledges herself)

From the updates I would attend the evening party if it was fairly local and to spend time with other friends. Cynically, it would also stop any comments of 'but OP never even bothered to attend my wedding'. I'd also recommend that OP pull back from this friend as it all seems increasingly one sided

LimeReader · 14/04/2024 11:48

I wouldn’t go at all . I think that’s really bad on her behalf. So she’s happy you go and pay for her hen but you’re not worth a day invite. No way! That’s awful

Jf20 · 14/04/2024 11:52

LimeReader · 14/04/2024 11:48

I wouldn’t go at all . I think that’s really bad on her behalf. So she’s happy you go and pay for her hen but you’re not worth a day invite. No way! That’s awful

But the op wanted to go. You’re writing like she was forced to clean her house. And pay for the privalge.

the op went to the hen as she wished to, she’s not said she didn’t enjoy it. She didn’t go as some altruistic act.

LunaandLily · 14/04/2024 11:58

Urgh I’m so sorry but remember when invite was just a verb? When did people stop saying invitation?

Scullface · 14/04/2024 13:57

Loulou1902 · 10/04/2024 22:40

I’ve known the hen for 18 years, and although we’ve had our moments in the last couple of years, I consider her a close friend and have previously been invited along to any important events (her graduation, baby shower etc).

A week or so after the hen do I messaged her to find out timings for the wedding, as I still hadn’t heard anything but had overheard several others talking about invites and accommodation bookings. She then replied telling me that my invite is 7pm onwards (evening guest) and that she’ll get an invite to me in the next couple of weeks. I’m feeling a little hurt by this, as from what I can make out I’m the only one of her long term friends not invited to the ceremony. And it’s not a small ceremony either. Sounds like I have been grouped in with work and other more distant friends in the evening.

I’m also a little frustrated that I’ve just paid out £250+ for her hen do without being given the heads up that I would just be an evening guest.

Am I being a little sensitive about this? Or do I ask to meet her for coffee to discuss it?

Yeah I’d be very annoyed to go to the hen and find out I was just an evening guest!! And why have invites not been sent out months ahead?!

FreeTheBeast · 14/04/2024 15:33

LunaandLily · 14/04/2024 11:58

Urgh I’m so sorry but remember when invite was just a verb? When did people stop saying invitation?

Blimey, are you hundreds of years old 😅. If you are going to try and correct people it's best to get your facts straight or you are going to look silly.

Can You Use 'Invite' as a Noun?

"Such be to me, she said, as when the Invites" "Of Iuno summon you to Venus Rites". —Ovid’s Metamorphosis Englished by G.S., 1628

Ihearyousingingdownthewire · 14/04/2024 15:39

FreeTheBeast · 14/04/2024 15:33

Blimey, are you hundreds of years old 😅. If you are going to try and correct people it's best to get your facts straight or you are going to look silly.

Can You Use 'Invite' as a Noun?

"Such be to me, she said, as when the Invites" "Of Iuno summon you to Venus Rites". —Ovid’s Metamorphosis Englished by G.S., 1628

Show quote history

I’m with that poster. I despise ‘invite’ as a noun. I find it utterly grating, as I do ‘gifted’.

LunaandLily · 14/04/2024 16:21

FreeTheBeast · 14/04/2024 15:33

Blimey, are you hundreds of years old 😅. If you are going to try and correct people it's best to get your facts straight or you are going to look silly.

Can You Use 'Invite' as a Noun?

"Such be to me, she said, as when the Invites" "Of Iuno summon you to Venus Rites". —Ovid’s Metamorphosis Englished by G.S., 1628

Show quote history

I don’t look silly at all! In my day (started primary school in 1990) you gave our party invitations, not invites. I don’t even think your Ovid quotation makes sense in the context we’re speaking of , and it’s certainly rich to use a 400 year old piece of arcane language to (attempt to) prove a point, while asking me if I’m ancient!

lornanemo · 14/04/2024 16:28

Nicetobenice67 · 14/04/2024 00:01

Tbh just reading the news and nothing seems so important now only the worry of ww3 all other problems such as do I go to an evening do do even matter

Your comment doesn't really match with your name. Although the comment was hard to read with the grammar, so maybe you thought you were being nice. Even still, this isn't a forum for world affairs. It's just for someone to get some clarity.

Nicetobenice67 · 14/04/2024 16:32

lornanemo · 14/04/2024 16:28

Your comment doesn't really match with your name. Although the comment was hard to read with the grammar, so maybe you thought you were being nice. Even still, this isn't a forum for world affairs. It's just for someone to get some clarity.

Show quote history

It wasn't supposed to offend anyone I was just in the moment and was really worried...I am a nice person even if I do suffer some mental health issues..and sorry about my grammar..sorry for the post

V3rmilion · 14/04/2024 18:12

I'd see if the promised invitation actually arrives as promised.

SameAsItEverWas24 · 14/04/2024 20:06

Loulou1902 · 11/04/2024 17:20

Thanks for all of your replies, it’s been really helpful. I think everyone’s right, I have no right to question her or what’s made her decide to only invite me to the evening. However I feel a little embarrassed being the only long term friend to arrive on my own in the evening, so I’ll have to have a think what to do.

When I say we’ve had our moments, I’m referring to a time about 3 years ago when I was experiencing post seperation abuse from an ex who had just thrown me and my 3 month old daughter out. He was harassing me with texts and calls and things were pretty toxic for a year or so whilst we went back and forth, so I wasn’t great at replying to people at the time and didn’t respond to some of her texts for 2-3 weeks. No not great on my part, and on reflection this might’ve really offended her, but juggling a baby and all of that was hard. So yes, I may have really upset her being so distant at the time, I do get that. I did sit down and open up about everything that had been going on and she started crying telling me she’s sorry this happened to me and she only wants to see me happy.

After that, I never heard anything from her and I just got abrupt one line replies when I tried to reach out. After a year or so of no contact we met up as a mutual friend was visiting back home (this was about 18 months ago). She was fine with me and we started to rebuild things, and now it feels just like it was before. She even said recently that she gets it now she has a child and would’ve probably been the same. We text most weeks and see each other at least once a month, and have done for the last year.

Maybe I did too much damage, I don’t know. But why then invite me to her baby shower and hen do if I’m that bad of a friend? I’ve been really supportive of her the last 18 months, and always have been, with the exception of that year when I wasn’t in a good place myself. I’ve dropped shopping round for her after she had her baby recently, invited her round for lunches, gave her all my little girls baby clothes to help her out because she was finding it expensive getting all new clothes, and have messaged her regularly to check how’s she’s doing. There’s also 2 occasions recently when I invited her round for coffee and she failed to turn up, twice in one week, because she forgot. Again, I was ok with that because I get it, mum life is busy.

I guess it hurts most though because I thought I was as good a friend to her as she is to me, but that’s obviously not the case. Lesson learnt and will be taking a step back from now on.

Sorry for the essay reply. Thanks again for all of your opinions on this! It’s been a big help 😊

Oh god this is awful. She sounds like a terrible friend. You were thrown out and harassed with a 3 month old and her nose was out of joint because you didn't reply to her texts?? And then, having apologised, she went cold on you? I think you deserve a better friend OP. Invites to weddings come far in advance of even the hen do. If others had their invites, so should you, even for an evening do. I think you shouldn't go and focus on other friends. Hugs to you xx

SameAsItEverWas24 · 14/04/2024 21:00

Also, what's with all this paying to attend a wedding and all the events? I guess I'm from several cultures where the host pays for their guests. My wedding was small, everyone was invited to everything and we paid for everything. They were our guests. How do people spend 10s of 1000s on a wedding and still require guests to stump up?

BarbarasRhabarberBar · 14/04/2024 22:09

SameAsItEverWas24 · 14/04/2024 21:00

Also, what's with all this paying to attend a wedding and all the events? I guess I'm from several cultures where the host pays for their guests. My wedding was small, everyone was invited to everything and we paid for everything. They were our guests. How do people spend 10s of 1000s on a wedding and still require guests to stump up?

I think it's more clothes, hotels and transport etc. not covered by the happy couple but. An add up especially if it's a destination wedding.

FreeTheBeast · 14/04/2024 22:14

@lornanemo
My point is that you said 'invite' isn't a noun when it is whether you approve or not. If you are going to correct people you need to get your facts right.

YaMuvva · 14/04/2024 22:16

If a friend is close enough to invite to a hen do they should get a day invitation.
Thems the rules.

pizzaHeart · 14/04/2024 22:38

it’s odd that she invited you for the hen but not for the day so you probably were last minute decision for making up numbers. It was very rude on her side but nothing you can do now.
Don’t ask her about evening invite, it’s her wedding plus don’t give her this satisfaction.
You shouldn’t blame yourself even at the slightest for not answering her texts etc during your difficult time. I don’t think she is very understanding person and I don’t think she is a good friend. When you said her about your divorce it would be enough for anyone to understand how difficult it was for you. If she didn’t - she is not a person worth to keep your life. It looks like you were trying to be friends later and you were trying hard and your friend just accepted it as it suited her. But it was very one sided as she didn’t want to make an effort.
I would go to her wedding if it’s interesting for you but not if your efforts would be greater then your fun. I would also give her a gift as you would give a colleague if you go for their evening do.

LittleMonks11 · 14/04/2024 22:51

I think if you don't go then that will be the end of the friendship, in whatever form it now takes. Would you be ok with that?

If you decide to go, hold your head up high and have fun with your other friends going - if not the bride.

If anyone asks about the evening invite only, just say you're not as close as you once were so not unexpected - but you were happy to share in the evening celebrations. Be magnanimous!

Don't spend more than £30 on a gift. Maybe a voucher for John Lewis or such like. Assuming she's not belatedly sent you a gift registry!

Scarletttulips · 14/04/2024 22:53

I think if you don't go then that will be the end of the friendship, in whatever form it now takes. Would you be ok with that?

Sounds like the bride has already let go and it’s a pity invite.

Nicetobenice67 · 15/04/2024 00:05

lornanemo · 14/04/2024 16:28

Your comment doesn't really match with your name. Although the comment was hard to read with the grammar, so maybe you thought you were being nice. Even still, this isn't a forum for world affairs. It's just for someone to get some clarity.

Show quote history

What's the comment got to do with my name ..give your head a wobble...I will stand up for myself and certainly don't need to explain myself to the likes of you !!

Evening invite to friend’s wedding

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