Older women: how do you come to terms with losing your looks?

[TERFCat]

Yes, I know I'm vain! To be clear, I am not judging anyone's appearance but my own! I don't want to look old; other women can look however they wish.

Anyway, I've completely lost my looks over the past few years and it's getting me down. I can't afford Botox etc so that isn't an option.

Older ladies, how did you accept growing old gracefully?!?

I am 52 and I try my best to keep fit and healthy. I agree with the poster who said exercise makes a huge difference to how people age. I do hate looking at my neck these days. I wish I had app re coated my jawline more when younger!

Hey, I'm still a fox @TERFCat ! How cheeky! 😆

There is a multimillion industry that is trying to convince women that there is something wrong with aging.
I can afford botox or similar procedures and won't do any if that.

I had cancer in the past and I celebrate every day to be lucky enough to be in this world. It is a privilege. Its a privilege to age, OP.

Instead I exercise, try to keep a very healthy diet and basically do as much as I can to stay healthy for as long as possible. Its a mistake to conform with what this industry is trying to dictate.

You are smarter than that OP x

Um, sorry, I would say that all of those women have had a LOT of work done.

This is not the face of a woman who’s had a lot of work. It’s the face of a woman comfortable in her skin.

@Ketzele interesting you say that- I was watching Sue Perkins in Japan yesterday (excellent by the way) now Sue is no oil painting but she's such a warm, sparky interesting person with her own sense of style that age simply doesn't come into it. She is ageless. I would love her as a friend- and I'm straight.

I never had looks

Several friends I had have not lived to see their 50s, let alone properly ageing.
I do colour my hair but nor in 'normal' colours but I've always done that.

@DevonDecker I mean my H does with Jane Fonda in her 80s! Money I admit helps a lot at 50 plus

@BIossomtoes I agree- it is the face of a woman with money though , used subtly with good hair, good makeup and great style.

I hate to say it but post 50 money makes a big difference

I have never been considered pretty or beautiful. I was always the funny friend.
I suppose that helps now we're all getting older!

You’re still getting the words wrong IMO. You need to change the narrative about ageing. The idea of losing something is the problem.
I hear so many women running themselves down and it matters to me because I feel they are running us all down.
Phrases like baps, Mum pouches, bingo wings, so many more, all negative words that somehow diminish women.
At 57 I am working on being healthy, strong, slim and shapely. I do this by watching my diet and increasing my exercise. I look after my skin and have my hair cut and coloured ( shoulder length). But just as importantly I don’t hate my body and use negative words to describe it, I don’t talk crap about myself.
I was in the gym changing room the other day and a lovely lady who I had seen having a 1st personal trainer session said she enjoyed it but wished she looked like the personal trainer ( female 24ish). She then told me she had 5 kids and what can you do 🙄 I said you look great just be yourself, why compare yourself to a 24yr old! It’s the road to misery.

You don’t have to “give up” trying to look good and write yourself off.

I have never tried to look good but that doesn’t mean I’ve written myself off!

I am 60 but look 50. I take pride in my appearance so always use quality skincare and makeup. Healthy eating and plenty of water. One glass of wine per month.

Blessed with really good genes on my mum's side so lucky anyway though.

I’m not convinced about money to be honest. I’m going to completely out myself here - this is my bus pass picture. I haven’t had work and don’t spend much on my looks but I have good genes - you can’t buy those.

I don't mind looking older as such, it's getting fat and not being able to shift it that really bothers me.

Yes, I guess that's true. They must be under a lot of pressure to look young. Still, for the most part they don't look like they're aiming for the twenty-something plumped up look. They have crows feet or grey hair and look great. I watched Good Luck to you, Leo Grande last night and Emma Thompson, especially naked in front of the mirror, seemed very real, and also beautiful.

@BIossomtoes great hair though and nice make up- I'm in early 60s and a similar look I guess except more of a golden blonde!

You are right - good genes help a lot- but I think a lot of it is style and what I think many notice with these older women who look great is good hair, great clothes, - and whilst it doesn't take lots of money- it does tend to take 'some' and a sense of 'youthful/fashionable' - you still look fashionable if you know what I mean- as I think do I

You look great and (what I think is key) is that you look confident in your own skin.

Clearly you care about how you look- you’ve made an effort with your appearance.

My point is, op doesn’t have to stop caring and embrace the attitude “at least I’m still alive”.
It’s not shameful to want to look good whatever age you are.
Looking youthful isn’t the be all and end all of looking good.

I definitely found that in my 40s, I finally grew into myself and was able to make the best of what I had. I looked young and felt healthy and physically fit.

So that's all good and everything but after 50 aging seems to really accelerate - for me anyway. I started my 50s still looking young and now a few years on I definitely do not look young. That's ok, but we get used to what we see in the mirror and the loss of that takes a while to get used to. I'm feeling that disconnect when I look in the mirror at the moment - it doesn't match what I'm expecting to see 😂

I had no looks to lose; however, assuming you're Gen X or older, it should be a consolation that you were able to enjoy your youthful good looks in a decent world, not the shitty world the current young folk are having to get by in. I'm glad I had my physical peak, however underwhelming it was, in the 80s/90s.

You're so right about that 😂
When I look at myself without my glasses on I definitely see an improvement 😂

I think health and happiness contribute a lot to how people look.

Eat well
exercise and be a healthy weight
get your hair done as often as you can afford
have fun and do things you enjoy
sleep
drink water
wear a bit of mascara and lip gloss

😂 keeping a sense of humour about ageing helps.
Forget freezing your face with Botox- I always think people are more attractive when they’re laughing and animated 😬

A sense of humour definitely helps. I remember someone years ago describing herself as looking like “Suzy Quattro’s fat nan”. I thought I really want to meet that woman, she sounds wonderful.

I could never claim to have much in the way of looks to begin with, which I guess helps. For me it all boils down to if I’m not ageing then I’m dead. So I’d rather be ageing.

@SmileyClare I'm one of the ones saying it's better than being dead.
But I haven't given up!
I put a lot of effort into my appearance as I enjoy it and want to make the best of myself. I still think spending so much negative energy worrying about wrinkles is not doing us any favours.