Older women: how do you come to terms with losing your looks?

[TERFCat]

Yes, I know I'm vain! To be clear, I am not judging anyone's appearance but my own! I don't want to look old; other women can look however they wish.

Anyway, I've completely lost my looks over the past few years and it's getting me down. I can't afford Botox etc so that isn't an option.

Older ladies, how did you accept growing old gracefully?!?

😂😂

I am not rubbishing others. I think women look absolutely fine without covering their faces up with muck. I think people who encourage and normalising the covering of faces are the ones who are denigrating women. And my skin is far better at 60 for never having been smeared with stuff.

'Caveat, none of the above is incompatible with being fit, healthy and mobile and doing what you can to look good. You just need to let go of the assumption that looking good and looking young are the same thing.'

That is such a good point @LoobyDop

And so very true- it's two very separate things

This thread assumes you find your current looks less attractive than when a lot younger.

I can’t speak for everyone, but I do find I was more attractive without wrinkles, frown lines, jowls and peach fuzz, despite knowing ‘you’ll never be as young again as you are today/you’ll never look as good again as you do right now’.

I think I look better now than I did when younger. I’m certainly not having to come to terms with ageing, as far as looks are concerned.

There’s definitely something very appealing about an older woman who is self aware, comfortable in their own skin and mature and confident enough to engage with others- knows her own mind and has a certain kind of self assurance or “air” about them that you don’t find in much younger women.

That’s one thing I notice in other women my age (50) and it’s something you can’t see in the mirror or in a photo. I think that’s very attractive to others.

So although objectively I was far better looking as a 20 year old, I was also quite awkward, self conscious, didn’t understand body language and didn’t quite know who I was (I also hadn’t quite worked out what clothes or haircuts suited me 🤣).

😆

@Bakersdozens
Its possible to be a feminist and still enjoy making yourself look more feminine? I love a bit of muck personally.

I don’t regard using make up as covering my face.
I’m quite saddened that most men haven’t discovered the joy of using make up- being able to change your face shape, make your eyes look bigger, or your skin look radiant.
It’s not necessary but it can be enjoyed, I have the option to wear nothing or change how I look with the sweep of a brush or a different colour lipstick, or camouflage the massive spot that’s erupted on my cheek.
You could say it’s a form of art.

I especially love that with my magic under eye concealer I can turn up to work looking like I’ve had a sensible 10 hours of sleep rather than the bottle of wine, fags and four hours of sleep that actually occurred.

what brand do you use @SmileyClare
I often use tinted moisturiser but a bit more cover around the eyes (that isn't cakey) would be good.

I’m 41 & I’ve been so busy raising small children that I’ve forgotten to look in the mirror. When I did (in about September last year) I didn’t actually recognise myself. I saw a middle-aged woman, not bad looking with glasses and nice skin and some grey in her hair. And a really nice smile - pretty healthy-looking. And I was like “oh she looks nice.” And so I’m not too bothered that I look different now. I don’t think I look my age either. People tell me I look about 34 ish. I also look nicer without make up on

@Bakersdozens give over, bit of make up peps me up. I know i'm the same person but I like putting on make up. So do most women.

I'm losing my ability to bite my tongue, which is probably a bigger problem.

Absolutely! Well said.

I love YSL touche eclat concealer to hide the dark circles under my eyes (pricey but a little goes a long way)
..or Rimmel perfect match concealer for a more purse friendly option!

Your first paragraph is basically why people don't want others to think of them as younger than their age. And why they feel disheartened when it's dismissed as a non- problem.

Personally, I hate ageing. I hate losing my looks. I was never stunning, but I was reasonably attractive. At 47 I seem to get uglier every day. I'm clinging on to the dregs of my youth, and it's utterly fucking horrible. I know I'm expected to talk about ripeness and ageing gracefully, and wisdom, and all that rubbish. Truth is, it's horrible, horrible, horrible. My hopes are pinned on the scientists. Billions are being invested in age-reversing technologies, and my god I wish them luck. Fuck ageing. I have no wish to live forever. I don't even want to live for hundreds of years. But I would like more time, and not as a grey, saggy old woman.

Me too! Embrace it I say!

You know what. Ageing has helped me greatly in many ways. As you get older; and have more life experience, wisdom & acceptance, you're able to see through all the bullish!t. You just don't care so much. Yes, your face changes a bit, but it's still the one you'll recognise.

I feel better about my looks now in my 50s than when I was young. I've finally found a hairstyle that suits me and is adaptable. I love the colours my hairstylist uses in my hair. I've found ways to make minimal make-up count; ALWAYS pencil my brows in, a little cream blush, naturally coloured lipstick or gloss.

You just need to find easy ways to highlight your best bits and then bits you don't like so much will be less obvious. And, besides, you'll notice that hardly anyone looks at you any more when you're out shopping etc, so why worry?

I miss being young and just throwing clothes on and them just looking good. Now a lot of things can look a bit frumpy so buying clothes is more thought about. I like natural materials and choose colours that flatter my colouring.
i take care of my teeth. Two scales and polishes a year. Highlights in my hair to hide grey and give it a bit of texture. I probably have a better selection of make up now than in my youth and I think we are lucky to have a lot of choice in cream make up which is more forgiving to more mature skin. Yes I choose to invest in my appearance rather than just letting go completely. Is it vanity I am not sure. The only people that call me pretty now at 55 are the men in my moms care home 😂

Fuck ageing…it’s horrible

I do know what you mean. It’s good to focus on the positives and accept it but true that it’s not all turning into a sweet old lady who dresses well and has an expensive haircut.

There was an interview on local radio with a woman who had received a 100th birthday card from the queen and when asked how it felt to reach 100 said;

”It’s feckin dreadful- everything hurts” 😬

"I was considered beautiful pretty much all of my life. It’s opened many doors. It was also a milestone around my neck with unwanted attention and worse, jealousy and never being able to do anything without some leach or another bothering me."

This as well.

I agree one can get treated differently depending on looks.

However, being a neutral healthy person with a lifestyle and financial set up enabling one to have independent choices about where to work, live or socialise probably outranks Pretty Privilege for many people.

Customer service can be shit or good for everyone. Street harassment AND people randomly being nice and polite and kind occurs for everyone.

Men can treat you like an angel or like dirt.

You just never know, looks can be a red herring and the world is changing SO fast.

Getting Checked Out is a thing, but those "lingering looks" don't mean the man looking takes you seriously as a human being.

If you're not naturally in someone's social group already they probably aren't going to bring you in just because a man thinks you're young and pretty. Or if they do, it often won't be in a "nice" way.

I had serious relationships with some super affluent types when younger.

Honestly, it was more about situational placement (me being in the right groups at the right time and being available nubile female and "ok") than JUST my youth and looks.

And it wasn't like partnering up with them was necessarily an easy life either.

Balaclava?
Paper bag?
Get rid of mirrors.

But seriously. I'm involved in lots of outdoor activities where what my body can do is way more important than how it looks. I'm happy enough spending most of the time in practical clothing, looking like a swamp troll.

I am 71. I never 'lost my looks' I just got older - I think I still look great. The whole 'lost my looks' debate seems to be around how attractive a woman still is to men as she ages. Yes, the reality is that men mostly fancy younger women. Fortunately, the menopause is a huge cure for this problem - you will find you don't give a fuck anymore - and let the old geezers chase after lovely young women who don't want them. Older age is our time - don't let them make you feel bad about not being young. This is our time to flourish.

This. ^ I find the women who wear no make up - ever - to be very judgemental of women who wear it. Why do they care so much what other women do?