Older women: how do you come to terms with losing your looks?

[TERFCat]

Yes, I know I'm vain! To be clear, I am not judging anyone's appearance but my own! I don't want to look old; other women can look however they wish.

Anyway, I've completely lost my looks over the past few years and it's getting me down. I can't afford Botox etc so that isn't an option.

Older ladies, how did you accept growing old gracefully?!?

This is so true. I lost my BF to cancer and she left 3 DC behind. Nobody enjoys looking older but without your health you have nothing. Plus I'd hate to be young again in this troubled world.

I'm vain, or at least I was. I'd be in a constant state of self-loathing if I tried being vain now, and I'm not inflicting that on myself!

I did find it hard around my late 50s, when I suddenly couldn't lose weight easily, my shape changed despite exercise, and my face went all squishy. I had to have a few talks with my more adult self, along the lines that the alternative to ageing is death and there's something to be said for a face with "character".

Luckily, menopause really does bring a "fuck that" attitude! I can't afford any tweakments, but I probably wouldn't have them if I could. My teeth are truly buggered, so I'm saving up for basic dental work. I sometimes think I'd like to be able to get my jawline back but, actually, it doesn't matter in the greater scheme of things. If I had £10k spare, I'd spend it on taking my jowls & chins travelling.

My dramatically declining health is a bigger issue - but, again, I'd rather be sick than dead. There is joy in life 😊 I also have fun trying out different styles and looks - somehow, I don't worry about "looking wrong" like I used to, I just look the way I look!!

This is a good perspective I think...

If appearance matters (and you're not a personality type who can overlook it or doesn't notice- which is also fine) I think dressing in a flattering and appropriate way, paying attention to health is very attractive in itself.

Mental self-care as well as physical is important.

I don't have time to date, but I do notice a MASSIVE controllable difference in attractiveness between someone who is a rounded, interesting, polite, independent person (and is clearly content to be their age and has made peace with themselves and their choices).

As long as they are well groomed and take care of the basics and dress simply and appropriately they look fine!

And then you get the kind of guy who maybe was an "alpha male" type when younger and is now still trying to act like he is a lot younger or is appearance obsessed. Not a good look.

The sentiments in this might help

https://www.thepoke.com/2023/08/07/the-answer-to-this-question-about-people-ageing-is-making-everyones-day-better/

This “looks” thing doesn’t really mean anything to me. I find it very odd to be so hung up on what you look like. I think who you are is far more important.

This, definitely.

Keeping fit, maintaining energy levels and good posture do more that almost anything else. At 60 I run twice a week, work full time and practice martial arts. I'm still bouncing through my days.

My vanity extends to decent clothes and a good cut & colour every 6 weeks.

I wouldn't dream of botox or cosmetic surgery.

I am glad just to be alive. I think of those who I have lost along the way.

i feel grateful every day!

I'm 43. I was always considered attractive. I'm happy to get older because I have young adult daughters and it's their turn to be young. I think that has given me perspective and I don't think it would be appropriate for me to want to be eternally 25. I had a male friend who was so obsessed with the effects of ageing that he would wear hats indoors. He struggles to connect with anyone.

Your personality and drive are more valuable than looks. Looks certainly have a limit on what they can really do for you.

You don't lose your looks they just change.

I remember the day I noticed. I rarely look in the mirror unless I'm doing my makeup or hair and I don't wear or do my hair often.

Anyways I looked in the mirror and I didn't recognise myself. I knew it was me but it was like looking at a stranger... older some wrinkles and sagging. Like it had happened overnight!

I started using creams and massaging my neck and jowls and it does work. I also worked hard on my frown lines - deep cos I frown when I'm concentrating...!

One thing I would suggest though is the serum that reduces wrinkles in minutes. It's quite amazing and is pretty cheap too.

It's now a couple of decades since that fateful day. And I'm still using creams etc. Nowadays most people think I'm a decade younger than I am, so creams do work. I understand niven is one of the best inexpensive creams - wish I'd known that cos I spent a fortune on different creams!

I'm 57 and 'youthful looks' and their priority to me went lower down the list. I don't really give a shit about looking youthful to be honest. My lines and wrinkles tell the story of me.

Would rather look as I did at say, seventeen?
Find it rather annoying, but try to get on with my life.

Well, I haven't lost my looks!

I have aged but I'm still bloody beautiful and awesome. And I'm not down for self-denigration! It's age, not depreciation...

My looks have changed, but I'm still me. My once blond long wavy hair is now short white wavy hair. My eyes are still blue, my face has more folds, lines and character. I'm 66.

I haven't lost my looks. Where would they go if they were lost?

Whatever anyone says, even the most attractive lose the spark of youth

But not the spark of life.

It health which bothers me more, aches, teeth worsening, arthritis etc. but it is important to watch one’s weight and exercise, not eat rubbish which all helps to make a difference in how we look

Have no mirrors in the house. What I can’t see can’t upset me

Whatever anyone says, even the most attractive lose the spark of youth. Even for those who've had cosmetic work, it's just gone.

Having been preyed upon by men since puberty, quite glad to have lost the spark of youth, in their eyes.

Still have the spark of youth in my spirit. I see that spark in the eyes and faces of women in their nineties. So much of ageing well is attitude.

I’m not so bothered by the aging - I’m 48 - but I’m really struggling with a bloated perimenopausal tummy that makes me feel deeply, deeply unattractive and unfeminine. Everything else I can deal with, but I’m really struggling with this aspect as I just can’t seem to get rid of it and I feel so unattractive in myself.

My way of coping was to get rid of all the mirrors. most especially the full length one that used to be on my bedroom wall. It was in such a position that every time I came out the shower I saw my entire body, full frontal. I'm so glad that's gone it used to really get me down.

I like the image of the triple goddess. Each stage in life there has its purpose.

You first have the youthful maiden. She is pretty, carefree, eager to discover the world. The stage you are at from childhood until your late 20s for most.

Then you have the mother. She is calmer than the maiden, has found herself, is depicted loving and devoted in her beauty.

And then, the crone. She is the wise one, the one with answers, confident in herself, elegant in her age.

The triple goddess finds beauty in every stage, and has reason for every stage.

Own the crone.

Rude.

@Skethylita i guess I’m the crone then! Actually I’m perfectly happy with how I am at 70, I’ve learned that life’s precious and getting stressed about looks just isn’t for me. So long as I can do pretty much whatever I feel like doing then that’s fine, looks are superficial for me.