Older women: how do you come to terms with losing your looks?

[TERFCat]

Yes, I know I'm vain! To be clear, I am not judging anyone's appearance but my own! I don't want to look old; other women can look however they wish.

Anyway, I've completely lost my looks over the past few years and it's getting me down. I can't afford Botox etc so that isn't an option.

Older ladies, how did you accept growing old gracefully?!?

I sensibly took the precaution of looking plain my whole life. You can't lose something you never had.

I love getting older. I am much more sure of myself and less likely to put up with nonsense.

I’m 38. I spent all day today with a group of women in their late 60s, 70s and 80s - we were running a charity event together. They were warm, witty, interesting and interested, with full lives and strong social connections. I couldn’t tell you who had what colour hair, fashion sense, wrinkles or whatever else. I can only hope to be like them when I am that age.

OH god video chatting with my son. The bags under my eyes from all the eye drops I have to use. Four types make them so sore and discoloured. But the alternative is blindness

i miss being noticed by the opposite sex. Might sound shallow but I do.
I’m invisible now and that’s hard.
saggy skin, deep lines and wrinkles are inevitable, but I don’t embrace them.

I hear you, OP. I know it’s all nonsense, we shouldn’t look 25 when we’re 50, it’s a privilege to age - all this is true. But in a world that judges middle-aged women so harshly, aging is tough. I still feel quite hot on a good day, and have other days when I look in the mirror I feel so old and saggy. I feel like my days of feeling hot are thinning out rapidly and it does depress me, even though I know that’s shallow and I should get over it. I’m 48.

I’m still the same person behind my 60 year old face. Happy with that.

I look like a sack of potatoes and have never been considered physically attractive.
People love me anyway because I'm kind and have a banging sense of humour. As a result, I have this fantastic sense of freedom because I don't care what anyone thinks of my "looks."

Yes it's hard. Whatever anyone says, even the most attractive lose the spark of youth. Even for those who've had cosmetic work, it's just gone.

I just try and focus on my health and life and being grateful for it; I don't have much to complain about. I suppose now in my mid 50's I just aim to look groomed.

I think the people who are saying they don't want to look young are missing the point! I don't care about looking young, I want to look my age but I see plenty of women my age who look better than me! I don't want to age the way I'm ageing!

I was never a looker, even in my 20/30s when I look back I just didn't look that attractive, but I had my amazing personality...I'm very funny and loyal ...a bit like a Labrador...and who doesn't love a Labrador....anyway I'm now 56, still funny as fuck and still loyal but with very saggy tits ...btw married to a younger man who still looks very fit, for 25 years who actually thinks I'm the dogs bollocks....go figure 🤗

As I am aging, now 50, I focus much more on my wardrobe. When I was younger I felt I could wear anything and capitalise on looks and personality.

Now, I focus much more on style.

Ageing is ghastly. Better than the alternative of course, but nobody wants a saggy jawline and inch long bristles sticking out of their chin. Losing weight is now infinitely harder, and torching calories means feeling stiff the next day.

Play to your strengths, and don't give in to stretchy clothing 24/7. You're a bit older but you're still alive and thriving so keep up the maintenance. Men my age still fancy me, it's all still there if that kind of thing puts a spring in your step 😊

I stopped caring about aging when I looked back at a photo of myself 10 years ago and thought, ‘wow, I looked so beautiful!’

I distinctly remember not feeling confident that day and not wanting to have my photo taken! That’s when I realised that in another 10 years time, I’d feel the same about a photo taken of me today.

I will never look, feel or be as youthful as I am today, so I’m making the most of it.

I was always attractive rather than pretty as I have strong features. I'm instantly recognisable as the same person I was in my youth but everything facially has drooped. My body is holding up better than my face but I'm still here and only feel my age on bad days but the rest of the time several decades younger. I'll take that.

I didn't really have any looks to start with but I like being invisible to men. It's a huge bonus. The older you get, the less you'll care!

I know how you feel OP. I look in the mirror and barely recognise myself. It's hard to accept I'll never go back to how my younger self looked. I don't have the answer to accepting it but I look at the positives. I used to hate attention, it would make me so self conscious. Now I feel anonymous which makes things a bit easier in some situations.

I’d rather be the saggy baggy and a bit lose at the seams me now than the slightly gormless insecure 20 something who was thin with big tits but no clue about life and who I was.

Now I’m blessed with a full life and can afford better tailored clothes but also give zero fucks about what shallow people may, or may not, think of my ‘looks’. Beauty is found within.

As I get older I'm more preoccupied with maintaining how my body works and functions rather than what it looks like.

I'd rather be able to walk up a big hill, or open a bottle of prosecco, than turn heads as I walk into a bar nowadays 😆

I obviously looked better in lots of ways when I was younger, but tbh I had no idea what to do with that, and looked like what I was - immature and directionless. Also most other young women looked a ton better than me. My clothes had nothing going on, my hair was a mess. It also did me no good to look better sexually - I literally didn't enjoy sex at all until I was 35, and God knows I tried.

Now I'm 55 and objectively much less attractive, but I'm much, much more sorted and know how I want to look, I'm often 'bien dans ma peau' in a way I simply wasn't back then. Other women aren't as much ahead of me. It helps as well to understand my body so much better (still a work in progress tbh). My sexual side is light years ahead of where I was then. So those good looks of the past don't have happy associations at all for me. I'd rather be the 'me' I am now.

@buttercupcake I love that!❤

You don't lose your looks. You still look like you and a mature and wrinkled face can still be stunningly beautiful. Be proud of who you are. Be proud of the experience and resilience that made you who you are. Beauty shines out through confidence, self-acceptance and inner joy. The "you" that you were 30 years ago wasn't perfect and you have gained so much since then. Your value in the world is not based on how well you can resemble an 18 year old. I guess it's easier to be happy with ones older looks if one never quantified ones value in terms of beauty in the first place. If intelligence, humour and capability are more important then the main thing you see in the mirror is the person rather than the sex-appeal.

I bloody hate it. I don't do grey so have my hair coloured and cut regularly that's the best I can do.
I still put on my make up and make the most of what I've got but try not to look in mirrors too much anymore. I try and keep slim and healthy although have had a bad illness which floored me but I'm over it now. You just have to accept the passage of time really otherwise it would drive you mad.

I’m 53 and still haven’t come to terms with it 😂 it makes me sad but what can you do, just have to roll with it.

I just look the best I can for my age. Good skincare, exercise, alcohol only very rarely. Ive always been into vintage clothing so I have 'a style'. Hair always looks good. Im vain too so my hair is dyed, not ready to show the grey hair. I have thought about Botox at times but dont fancy having to keep that up for the rest of my life so I'll stick with what I do now. That isnt to say I won't do any 'tweaks' in the future if I ever feel the need, but nothing drastic and not sure I'd mess with my face anyway. I think fillers make women look unattractive eventually. I love my looks so does DP, thats enough. Work with what you have OP if ageing bothers you, theres always something you can do.

Yeah me too -I spend a lot on my hair which makes a huge difference because I look in the mirror and ok I look middle aged but I still have nice hair!
Also cutting back massively on alcohol makes a huge difference but I am not very good at this.