Older women: how do you come to terms with losing your looks?

[TERFCat]

Yes, I know I'm vain! To be clear, I am not judging anyone's appearance but my own! I don't want to look old; other women can look however they wish.

Anyway, I've completely lost my looks over the past few years and it's getting me down. I can't afford Botox etc so that isn't an option.

Older ladies, how did you accept growing old gracefully?!?

@TERFCat

I know what you mean

We live in a society that worships to unhealthy extant of the cult of youth Hood,

In other cultures being various life stages at is more appreacted,

You have to refine your attitude about this topic instead of just rejecting and languishing silently to the culture of cult of worshipping of the alter of cult of youth

There's several actress who are older who are attractive stoll,

quirky actress from quirky American horror about mix of fictiob/ true life travelling American circus 🎪 performers etc ,

Samatha from Sex and City

Pretty woman film actress

etc

Also what's real acctractive quality being interested curious to learn new things in life and people not getting stuck in a rut or and jaded about life even though in life most or all people have knock backs set backs experinced

Learn new hobbies interests

See it as a privilege as not everyone reaches middle or older ages too..

Famous Author of The Handmaid's Tale became a best seller or popular author in either middle fifties or 70 yrs age if i am correct..

Typo mistake stop *

I'm 53 and don't actually mind that I look 53! Gave up colouring my hair a couple of years ago and am embracing the grey ☺️ honestly I really like being 'invisible' and not being hassled by men when I go out. I don't miss being young, I'm much more comfortable in my own skin now because I don't care what anyone else thinks about how I look!

I was a beauty queen when I was younger, blonde, slim , usual look. I am now62 , not slim and have had arthritis in my neck last 2 years , awful migraines etc- I no longer think about my looks as more concerned every day if I feel semi ok- but I've got great skin, and people tell me they would think I was a lot younger and am still 'pretty' - which is a miracle. My mum once said it's the fact that the kind of guys you actually fancy (even if married) rarely would fancy you - same must be true for 60 odd year old men- lol!! It is hard OP- especially if being a bit of a looker has always kind of 'defined ' how people see you- I think all you can do is be 'great' for your age - be fun, witty and warm and accept it's no longer 'looks' that people will define you on

I’m struggling tbh. Turning 60 this week and my looks have totally changed since the menopause. Plus quite a bit of bad health.

My looks have changed and yes I do wish I didn't have a saggy chin or a second belly, but I do.

I am 53 and a bit fat, but still have great unlined skin

The me in all of that is actually far more confident and happy than I was aged 20 with a firm chin and no belly

You can be attractive at any age . My husband thought Honour Blackman was beautiful and she was in he eighties then

My looks have completely changed, I am coming up to 51. I keep being told I look like Olivia Colman, am not sure if it's a compliment or not. Is it the Queen version of her or Broadchurch.
It says a lot on how my face has aged. I try to look at the positives, I have nice skin, no grey hair, I am healthy etc. But I can't help thinking I am no longer attractive to men, hence will always be single. Which is fine, but worries me on how I will cope later on in life by myself.

I think it helps if you weren't pretty or beautiful to start with.

I have always been attractive and possibly good looking, but never pretty or beautiful.

That helps I think as I have always been circumspect about my 'looks'

Avoid mirrors is all I can advise ....

Reading through these replies makes me think do men worry about ‘losing their looks’? I very much doubt it.

As for growing old gracefully, well, everyone ages, you can’t hold it back, it just happens as we get older. I often look at myself in the mirror and wonder did my gran look at at herself age 85 in the mirror and remember the 20 year old her? She most likely did. Until the day my gran died she loved her hair, I understand that now.

After surviving breast cancer and having to take hormone blockers to hopefully stop it coming back, I’ve stopped worrying about my fading looks. Breast surgery did, however, have the unexpected benefit of a therapeutic mammoplasty, leaving me with rather better looking boobs.
You can’t have everything.
Im 60 next week and frankly I’ve stopped worrying about looks and weight. I could do with loosing a couple of stone but with any weight loss comes the anxiety of it being related to a return of the cancer.

I went out for lunch today with work colleagues today and found it rather sad when one of the girls was late because she had had jaw fillers because she is “worried now she’s getting old” she’s 23!

I put one of those ageing filters on the photos of me that come up on my phone. Helps with appreciating & getting familiar with my aging appearance. Plus, when I look in the mirror, it's like looking at an old photo... except that's me now - hooray! 😂

God these threads are depressing. Would you rather be dead? We all get older, if we are lucky. And you are just feeding into that narrative that youth is better. We should all be championing each other as we age. I feel more attractive and kickass with every passing year.

saggy skin, deep lines and wrinkles are inevitable

No, they're not. People age in very different ways.

Of course you will still be attractive to men! Just not the pervy youth chasers and that's a bonus.

Yes, this.
I'm going on for 50 and couldn't care less!
I'm happy being me and that's all that matters.

Not losing my looks, they're changing. I was a good looking young woman, now I'm a good looking older woman. And I'm fortunate to have reached an age that my sister and some of my friends didn't manage.

I don’t look young anymore but I think I look ok and I have other stuff to think about, so.. brutally I would suggest you broaden your interests

yeah it happens quite quickly for some of us, especially if perimenopause happens at the same time as huge periods of stress.

for me it’s not that I hate seeing my looks fade as such. But it’s more a reminder that I’m getting closer to death, and that’s more of a concern than the fact I’m invisible to most men now.

It’a not good to dwell on that though because you lose some of that air of joie de vivre. To be weighed down by “oh my god I’m getting closer to death” type of thoughts, it does nothing for your looks! You don’t want an even more furrowed brow! 😆

I'm 60. I used to be good looking. Im still quite youthful looking (good skin, no grey hair yet) but my looks have nosedived due to bad diet and stress.

To be honest, I don't really care. I had my kids late and went through the knackered years then into the menopause, then kind of looked up and found it was quite nice not to be appraised for my looks anymore.

I'm also lesbian, which is a protective factor - we're not so hung up on youth, compared to gsy men or heterosexuals.

I find people dick me about a lot less. There’s much said about pretty privilege but when I was a cutie I definitely got treated like my head zipped up the back a lot. I don’t feel that little sense of pride when I look in the mirror anymore but ultimately all my appearance was useful for was getting into romantic entanglements which were seldom fulfilling - and occasionally getting away with things. I also had a lot of stuff projected onto me. As a former ugly duckling that made me really uncomfortable. I’m probably more comfortable as a bit of a gargoyle.

I also find it’s good to cut the wheat from the chaff cos as I’ve got way less attractive - and somewhat fat - I’ve noticed how judgemental and vain a lot of people are. Women as well as men. Sad, cos a lot of the greatest people I know are no oil paintings.

The most beautiful woman I know is in her late 80s. She looks like a woman in her late 80s but there is so much character and warmth in her face. Her eyes twinkle and her spirit is full of inquisitiveness and humour. She's my inspiration as I age.

This is the only advantage to being unattractive from the start: you don’t miss what you never had…

Having received a lot of attention for my appearance when I was younger, I used to think I might struggle to let go of this undeniable privilege once I began to age.
Motherhood switched me on to a more 'warts and all' version of self-love and I've never looked back. I fly under the radar of the male gaze and it is bliss.
Now, I delight in my physicality in a way I never used to -I feel elemental and completely beyond conventional markers of attractiveness, alive all the way out to the topmost layer of my crinkly epidermis. This despite wiry, pubelike, graying hair, papery neck, fuzzy top lip and droopy bits over my eyelids. DD1 says I "dazzle".