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Original poster

DD12 got into the car with a stranger

167 replies

Studdles · 31/03/2024 19:44

Got a big fright this weekend so posting to get it off my chest, and to also hopefully alert others who might be in the same boat without realising it.

DD is 12 and very reasonable (I thought) for the most part. We went out at the weekend and a random man my own age greeted her in passing. I had never seen or met him before, and obviously asked DD about him especially since she had returned the greeting in a subdued manner.

Long story short is that she had missed her bus on the way to her music lesson and said man had stopped the car and offered to drive her to catch up on the bus as he was heading the same way, and she has agreed to get into the car. He did just drive her to catch up with the bus and nothing bad happened, but DD was upset and said she knew that she had made a big mistake once she had gotten into the car and that this was why she’d hadn’t told me.

I’m still shocked if I’m honest, and for several reasons. First of all I still struggle to accept that she got into the car with a stranger, because this is a lesson that I have instilled in her (or at least I thought I had) since she was little. I also feel quite upset that she chose to do this over admitting to me that she had missed the bus, and that she also didn’t tell me afterwards and had a guilty conscience for several weeks.
I will admit that we had several fights about her missing the bus in the past, which is obviously whh she had opted to avoid another confrontation and get into the car 😔

I know that I am more than lucky, and that this could have ended up so much worse. So by all means, don’t do what I did and take your children’s maturity for granted. I’m not even angry, but just thankful.

OP posts:
WhatWouldYouDo25 · 31/03/2024 19:47

Sounds like she is not mature enough yet to take the bus by herself.

Confusedandexhaustedbylife · 31/03/2024 19:49

Honestly I'm staggered that in this day and age, a random lone bloke would stop and offer a 12 year old girl a lift in his car. I'd be very concerned there was still potentially more to this.

LadyKenya · 31/03/2024 19:49

Just be glad that she told you. Time to have another talk, I would have thought.

geywen · 31/03/2024 19:49

I once accepted a lift from a random stranger and also (thankfully) nothing happened. I knew as soon as I got in the car it was a very stupid thing to do and I never did it again. I was 22! People make mistakes. Talk it through with her and reassure her she can talk with you.
I can guarantee she won't do this again!

Original poster
Studdles · 31/03/2024 19:56

We did talk about it and I think it was wake up call for both of us. I don’t think she will do this again because she is was upset about it and not feeling able to tell me. It’s definitely opened my eyes.

OP posts:
yousexybugger · 31/03/2024 20:06

geywen · 31/03/2024 19:49

I once accepted a lift from a random stranger and also (thankfully) nothing happened. I knew as soon as I got in the car it was a very stupid thing to do and I never did it again. I was 22! People make mistakes. Talk it through with her and reassure her she can talk with you.
I can guarantee she won't do this again!

Same here as a teenager. Luckily nothing happened but that moment of 'oh shit, what have I done?' (missed train, somewhere i shouldn't have been late at night, expensive taxi) taught me a lesson I won't forget. One good thing is your DD probably won't forget how she felt realising she was in a metal box with a strange man either.

Remind her he still counts as a stranger if he stops and offers again. He could have been simply concerned for a child but there's always a chance he saw an opportunity to gain a child's confidence. Not to cast aspersions on probably an innocent bloke but she needs to be reminded not to take chances.

Why is she missing buses? Is she up to travelling that route alone yet?

FleaDog · 31/03/2024 20:10

As previous posters have mentioned,

I'd be concerned in this day and age a stranger has offered to give a child a lift,

Then however he has greeted her in front of a parent, to be that's alarm bells as if he sees her again he can use the excuse that its ok to get in his car as "your mum has seen me / I said hello to your mum/ your mum knows who I am"

grinandslothit · 31/03/2024 20:13

I think they're going to have to approach this gently and finding out why she got into a stranger's car rather than calling you?

Notts276 · 31/03/2024 20:17

I kept secrets and put myself in lots of risky situations as a child in order to avoid the wrath of my mother. Trust and communication is SO important.

Springblossom2022 · 31/03/2024 20:20

I'm angry at this man, not her. She's 12 years old. I made silly mistakes as a 12 year old, even knowing I shouldn't. As adults we all have a responsibility to keep children safe and that man should absolutely not have offered her a lift. The blame here is on him. I agree you obviously need to chat to her about this and explain again why you never accept lifts from strangers, but try and see it as a conversation starter rather than having a go at her. She did tell you what happened eventually which is good as many wouldn't tell their mum as they'd realise it was the wrong choice, but at the same time, she could well have been frightened or felt awkward about saying no so thought the easy option was just getting in the car.

Userxyd · 31/03/2024 20:20

Yikes this is scary. I'd be concerned a man has done this locally - he might've been testing how easily he could get a girl into his car, ready to try again another time.
I would get the details carefully from your daughter-date/time/type of car/colour/details of the man etc - and alert the police.

Ahwig · 31/03/2024 20:22

I was 7 and my best friend was 9. We'd been to the park and on the way home started to rain really really heavily. We just made it under a railway bridge when a car stopped and offered us a lift home. We had never met the driver and it was a single man. My friend accepted and I just followed her. We got home safely ( luckily) and were immediately sussed as we were still dry in the middle of a huge storm. My dad was a policeman who went into schools talking about stranger danger. That evening we were going to my nans for a family bday. Every blessed relation there lectured me about how dangerous it could have been . Because my friend was older I just always followed her and as an adult omg we were lucky but the thing that stopped me doing it again was not concern for my safety it was the 4 hour lecture that I got from all of the family. Still the end result was the same.

DontCallMeKidDontCallMeBaby · 31/03/2024 20:22

grinandslothit · 31/03/2024 20:13

I think they're going to have to approach this gently and finding out why she got into a stranger's car rather than calling you?

I got into a strangers car when I was a teenager. As stupid as it sounds, I didn’t know how to say no. I knew why I shouldn’t get in the car, I didn’t even actually want to. I just didn’t have the confidence/courage to refuse.

Lavender14 · 31/03/2024 20:23

Confusedandexhaustedbylife · 31/03/2024 19:49

Honestly I'm staggered that in this day and age, a random lone bloke would stop and offer a 12 year old girl a lift in his car. I'd be very concerned there was still potentially more to this.

^this, I think my spidey senses would still be going off and I'd be very wary of any further contact between them.

It sounds like she's had a good scare and wouldn't make the same mistake twice but I'm sure you were near sick. If she's missing the bus a lot, something isn't working with the routine of it. Can you try and sit down with her and try to work out what the issue is?

Fulshaw · 31/03/2024 20:24

I think she shouldn’t be getting the bus alone. 12 is on the young side, she keeps missing it and now this. Make alternative travel arrangements.

ALongHardWinter · 31/03/2024 20:24

Agree with confusedandexhaustedbylife. I too find it rather unbelievable that a man would stop and offer a young girl a lift.

Original poster
Studdles · 31/03/2024 20:25

Yes, this has made me reevaluate our communication and trust 100% and I am sure that I made mistakes. DD was upset but very relieved after she told me because she had felt guilty.
Yes, part of me is mad at him but I also know that this would be diverting attention from where it needs to be.

OP posts:
Haggisfish3 · 31/03/2024 20:28

Bu actually doesn’t this just highlight more that most people are just decent people? I haven’t taught my children stranger danger because the vast majority of people are decent. I was a student on my way home once and a taxi driver stopped and offered me a free lift home because there had been some attacks on girls recently. He gave me a free lift home. I think more damage is done by teaching our children every single person they don’t know is a danger tbh.

tedgran · 31/03/2024 20:30

Many years ago when I was about sixteen, I was hitch hiking a lorry driver stopped and gave me a lift to my town. I got such a bollocking from him about my stupidity that I never did it again

Haggisfish3 · 31/03/2024 20:30

And the very many posts saying oooh I got in a car with a stranger and nothing happened! Makes me more confident I am doing the right thing.

NavyPeer · 31/03/2024 20:30

Haggisfish3 · 31/03/2024 20:28

Bu actually doesn’t this just highlight more that most people are just decent people? I haven’t taught my children stranger danger because the vast majority of people are decent. I was a student on my way home once and a taxi driver stopped and offered me a free lift home because there had been some attacks on girls recently. He gave me a free lift home. I think more damage is done by teaching our children every single person they don’t know is a danger tbh.

this is literally how girls get murdered in a Luther plotline

Haggisfish3 · 31/03/2024 20:33

Yes. I am aware there is a tiny number of people killed by random strangers in a car. But that many, many, many more people are not.

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 31/03/2024 20:43

ALongHardWinter · 31/03/2024 20:24

Agree with confusedandexhaustedbylife. I too find it rather unbelievable that a man would stop and offer a young girl a lift.

Maybe he felt sorry for her because he saw she missed the bus. He was going the same way. My DH would do the same, thinking that it could be his own DD now late for her lesson. I am aware of why he shouldn't - but the man in the OP may not have a clue why he shouldn't.

Theimpossiblegirl · 31/03/2024 20:45

Being killed is rare.
Being raped is not.

Why would you not tell your children not to take lifts from strange men?

Cattyisbatty · 31/03/2024 20:48

I did this in my early 20s. When I look back now I think what a bloody idiot. Thankfully nothing happened but wtf was I thinking?
Your DD realised she was wrong but no harm done. I’m sure 99% of guys do this as a nice act, but there’s always a tiny minority who don’t.