DH ate all of DS Easter treats (semi-lighthearted)

[Mamma737363]

Ate his whole haul. From DS Easter egg hunt. While he was asleep.

He has form for this. A few years ago I posted that DH hadn't bothered to get a cake for my milestone birthday but he was happy to eat the rest of the chocolate cake (half a cake) my friends surprised me with, in one go while I was at work.

For context, DH is very sporty and always hungry. He also does all the baking at home. And he has bought Easter eggs for DS already for a home egg hunt.

DS noticed the treats were missing as soon as he got up and immediately identified that daddy ate it. Luckily he's not upset.

I'm still pretty mad though!

This is basically how I grew up. I had to eat all of my sweets, puddings, whatever, whether they were a gift or I'd saved and bought with my pocket money, because if I didn't eat it all at once my dad would eat after I'd gone to bed. I grew up overweight with a poor attitude towards treat food.

He would laugh it off as being funny , but I learned that I could not trust my dad's word. He would promise not to eat something then eat it the same night. So I couldn't trust him with that and consequently with anything else he promised. I learned he didn't respect what was mine.

OP, you say this is semi-lighthearted but it's not. Your DH needs to respect your son, and you, so that you can both trust and respect him in return.

You say light hearted, but I'd be seriously annoyed. It's teaching his child that he can do what he wants with someone else's things.

I remember a friend of mine was sick to death of her colleagues, all men in a small lab eating everything. So she bought digestives and ex lax chocolate and made them in to chocolate digestives, put on the squiggles and everything. They didn’t do it again. This was the 1980’s.

Reading about such a greedy man reminds me of all those ex-husbands who will go to great extremes to avoid paying proper maintenance for their own children. They are literally taking food from their child's table.

The issue is how much yourself and DS accepted it. There is a household acceptance that your DH is more important than you and DS. Don't continue raising your child to believe this. Take responsibility for your part in this and make sure it doesn't happen again rather than write it off as lighthearted.

Yep that’s what I don’t understand either.

No, that's not correct. DS is both our number one priority.
People are asking why I seem blase, and it's because the pile-on isn't necessary. I see a dozens of acts of love and selflessness from DH every day to DS. That's why the occasional act of thoughtlessness and selfishness really stings. But we've talked it out and we both agree to do better, and to be better examples for DS.

Now please go and have a lovely Easter!

What a horrible pig!

Apart from doing it at all why couldn't he have got up as early as possible and gone out and bought replacements?

Imagine growing up with a father who's attitude is 'what's yours is mine' as well being a greedy oaf.

In his head, he was saving them for DS' Easter egg hunt.

@Mamma737363 I hope you all now have a lovely weekend.

However I think your husband needs a lesson. Time his favourite treats get eaten. Let him come home from work looking forward to that favourite snack, birthday chocolate, cake, whatever. Let him discover that it's been eaten. Let him feel that disappointment. And YOU make NO effort to replace it. Shrug your shoulders. Well I fancied it. It doesn't matter. You can have something else.

People on here often suggest a lock box to stop greedy teens eating everything. Maybe get one for your son. Any treats can be locked up (you keep the key safe) & then stored in his bedroom. Son can't have a midnight snack as box is locked. Daddy dearest can't help himself as he will wake son up if he attempts stealing it.

"A small chocolate bunny lollipop, haribo, skittles, part of a hot cross bun, 2 marshmallow ducks and some orange slices DS added to it himself"

Why would an adult even want to eat these? They're clearly not just leftovers, I mean I suppose he might have thought they were scraps of the hot cross bun and
bits of orange (but even so that kind of thing left out wouldn't be v appealing to me, it just seems odd!) Even if he didn't know the meaning behind the haul plate, you'd check that they were leftovers and not wanted by ds, before scoffing the sweets, and it's just lazy and selfish to eat the chocolate bunny lollipop - when he had a large chocolate rabbit from work he could've eaten instead!

Kids attach so much meaning to these things, and you said yourself op how proud ds was when he set out his haul on the plate and showed it to you. Poor love reading that made me really sad, but the main thing now is that dh learns from his f* up, understands why it's so wrong and keeps his promise never to do something like this again.

So he could eat those too no doubt

Yes I agree.

Don't keep revisiting the issue and making it bigger than it is. Yes your DH was greedy and selfish but has tried to remedy the situation. Concentrate on enjoying the lovely weekend ahead.

He is not upset because he is resigned to the knowledge and experience that this is what his father does.

If it had been unusual and unexpected he would have been upset.

But this is what his father - and you - are teaching him is normal. To be expected.

Also teaching DS that he is not important, that dad doesn’t care about his needs and that even mum doesn’t stand up for them. His self-esteem will be through the floor.

His dad is a selfish, inconsiderate b’stard. Make him go out and replace them - assuming there are any left in the shop except for the really pricey stuff.

OP: My DH behaved like an arsehole.

MN: Yep, he's an arsehole

OP: He's the best dad in the world.

OP: Oh and it will happen again but he's a softie really LOL (rinse and repeat)

He's making chocolate eggs for DS now. I feel like he's making an effort. 🤷‍♀️

Why did you post, OP? You're defending your husband over the fact that your son's egg haul was taken and eaten and that's ok as 'he's making it up to him'.

You agreed with the poster who told you that this can lead to disordered eating, it can. Your husband has no impulse control and no consideration for other people's things. That's what he's modelling behaviour of and so are you, utterly complicit and finding it a hoot. Good luck with that.

Ha ha ha ha. Now get him to pull the other one. 🙄

Seriously though OP, the outward ripples from this one seemingly light hearted action can be enormous. DH can treat and big up DS all he likes on the surface but it's the unnoticed, quieter bits of not thinking = not caring that DS will absorp over time that will form him. It's already started with him internalising the disappointment after waking up excited. A therapist would have a big job unpicking those emotions in twenty years time. Your DH reminds me of a Disney dad, all show in front of others/bragging rights but doing a thousand cuts behind closed doors. Taking away hard won hunt prizes but offering a shiny free rabbit from work😶

I wanted to vent and get advice. I agree it was selfish and I could see DH hadn't realised. We talked it out, he agreed, we both agree to do better, he apologised to DS, and now he's making an effort to make Easter special for DS. 🤷‍♀️

Do you have any more constructive suggestions?

We both agree it was wrong and we will do better. What do posters want except to criticise and say the same things over and over? 🤷‍♀️ I don't think it will help to martyr ourselves and buy even more eggs as they won't replace the chocolate that was eaten.

Maybe not this time but I would be telling him very seriously that this must never happen again and that if it did I would be packing his bags

Yet here he is martyring himself by making chocolate eggs for DS. Like he did when he made you a cake to replace the one he selfishly ate...

@Mamma737363

He says he didn't want to leave sweets out overnight (because of bugs). But yes he agrees he could have just put it away.

He put it away in his own stomach rather than the fridge.

I missed that he ate half of the birthday cake someone else got you (while he didn't bother to) in one go when you were out. Ugh,

He does sound like a dickhead OP.

I can't imagine he isn't selfish in lots of other ways tbh.