DH has just told me he's going on a lads weekend and won't be here for my birthday

[Yaddayadda89]

I'm really pissed off.
It's not a special birthday, I'll be 44
This year I'm going away with girlfriends for a week abroad. I'm working a second job to pay for this. The week away is not to celebrate (or even near date wise) my birthday.
AIBU to say DH can't go away ? I've said it's only fair he has time away too, seeing as I'm going away.
But on my birthday ?

Of course people celebrate birthdays after their 20s. 🤣🤣🤣
OP just celebrate with someone else.

It may not be a special birthday, but birthdays are still special events that deserve to be celebrated.

Despite not being involved in the booking, he has accepted and then told OP that he's going. That speaks of selfishness. The fact that OP is upset, irrespective of how others on this site feel about it, is a bad sign. He should have at lest canvassed her before accepting.

What OP hasn't said is whether or not he's going to make it up to her or not.

I would advise OP to suck it up pro tem - otherwise she's the bad person - and then pull a similar stunt on his birthday. He has no reason to complain and she will find out how the shoe feels once it's on the other foot. I suspect that DH knows exactly how she feels but put himself first.

Be a grown up! Unless you are under the age of 20, then you really should be able to accept that your birthday 'celebrations' can be celebrated on another day it really doesn't make that much of a difference. The OP will enjoy her time away with her friends and her DH will enjoy his break, as long as he wishes her a Happy Birthday by way of a phone call on the day, there shouldn't be any problem. I'm sure the OP has either friends or family she could do something with on her actual birthday, a pub lunch, a takeaway, buy herself a birthday cake etc. blimey it's not hard.

Oh I know with absolute certainty that DH loves and cares for me. The thing is he would never not be around for my birthday because it is important to him to make it special for me.

In 44 years he has never not made a big thing of my birthday with a card, cake, presents and taken me out for the day or even away. He has always taken the day off work.

Perhaps it’s not unusual within your family, but how can you read the replies to this thread and not realise it’s unusual in the wider population (of Mumsnet at least)?

Well according to your strange logic we could all celebrate Christmas on any old day but pretty sure most normal people don't.

I want to celebrate my birthday on the day I was born. That is pretty normal to my way of thinking

As adults we aren't allowed to make a fuss of ourselves. Hit the nail on the head, make a fuss of yourself !

@Autienotnaughtie agree with this

Occasionally, my DP has been away over my birthday. I don't mind, but he's always run it past me in advance

You are going away with your friends. He is going away with his. It seems reasonable to me.

Well of course it's unusual on Mumsnet where so many posters don't think you should celebrate Mothers Day, Fathers Day or Valentines Day but I am not sure it is particularly representative of normal people in real life.

Each to their own but personally I find it sad that so many people have to be nasty saying things like "are you 4" and other totally unfunny and pathetic comments.

OP wants to celebrate her birthday on the actual day and it doesn't matter if it is her 28th, 30th, 44th, 50th.

But what makes you think your immediate family is more representative of the general population than Mumsnet is? Seems a really weird assumption to me.

I'm absolutely stunned that there's people out there that think this is an issue!

Of course he shouldn't miss his weekend away because it's your 44th birthday...it can easily be 'celebrated' if that's what you normally do, when you get back.

Seriously , there are people on here that would have their partner miss a weekend away for a non significant birthday ?

I appreciate that and we are discussing birthday's not Christmas, so don't be petty, think back to when you were younger did you always have a birthday party as a child on your birthday or did you celebrate it on a weekend day?
Sometimes as adults we simply cannot have things all our own way such is the situation here with the OP unable to be with her DH on her birthday, it is just one of those things and it isn't the end of the world, providing he appreciates she is slightly annoyed and they do something together either before he goes away or when he gets back. If the OP had not organised her own girly trip away and one of her friends had, and the date happened to clash with her DH birthday would she cancel and stay at home to be with him for that one day ? It really doesn't need to be a big issue at 44 years old.

I just feel that celebrating on a different day wouldn't be the same. I would now rather just forgot my birthday this year as the 1 person I want to spend the day/ eve with won't be here

I'm sorry, but I think you're being a complete baby about this. You sound really petulant and childish. What does it matter whether you go out for dinner on the specific day of your birthday or another day nearby?

Partner always comes above friends. I wouldn’t dare go out if my hubby said he wanted to spend time together. That is the bond you make when you get married, that person above all others! Luckily I don’t have many friends anymore so it doesn’t come up too often anyway

“Partner always comes above friends”
”Luckily I don’t have many friends anymore”

Is this satire?

My husband has been away solo on my birthday for the last few years, and it will be the same this year. It's a convenient time, in the summer, and I'm delighted for him that he'll be getting some exercise and relaxation outdoors.
Honestly, I couldn't care less about my birthday and I don't expect anyone else to bother about it either. I really struggle to understand adults who think that this trivial stuff is important.

A birthday and Christmas are not remotely comparable, though, because Christmas is designated as a public holiday specifically to allow (most) people to celebrate. Your birthday is not a cultural fixture in the nation's calendar.

I understand that you’re disappointed OP, but rather “forgetting” your birthday than celebrating on a different day is just childish and sulky.

I had to celebrate my 30th birthday 2 days after my actual birthday to suit most guests and venue hire, I didn’t sulk about it.

Would posters be so blase if this was a wedding anniversary, I ask myself? Or are anniversaries in a special category as they are Important Married Couple Events, rather than selfish individualistic birthday celebrations?

Same. We´ve done the same for anniversaries and other specific dates. But this won´t work for everyone and if it will make OP unhappy, that´s something her DH should have taken into account when booking the holiday.

If we are apart for our anniversary, we go away to celebrate it at the next convenient weekend. Not a big deal for us.

It’s rare birthdays are on weekends, if it had been in the week would you celebrate on the day or at the weekend? We don’t put a huge emphasis on birthdays in this house, I’ve never taken a day off work on my birthday for example. My husband has often been away on my birthday either through work or because he’s been on a holiday that involves an event that he loves and it happens to fall that weekend. He doesn’t love me less and we celebrate another time. I wouldn’t tell him he can’t go, but you may need to share with him what birthdays mean to you.

Again: is it a milestone anniversary? If not, it’s surely a moveable feast. (And maybe even if so.)

Well according to your strange logic we could all celebrate Christmas on any old day but pretty sure most normal people don't.

We don’t really ”celebrate” but we have an annual family meal any time between Nov and Feb and call it Xmas. 🤷🏻‍♀️