DH has just told me he's going on a lads weekend and won't be here for my birthday

[Yaddayadda89]

I'm really pissed off.
It's not a special birthday, I'll be 44
This year I'm going away with girlfriends for a week abroad. I'm working a second job to pay for this. The week away is not to celebrate (or even near date wise) my birthday.
AIBU to say DH can't go away ? I've said it's only fair he has time away too, seeing as I'm going away.
But on my birthday ?

You mentioned in your first post about 'telling DH he couldn't go'.

Now you're saying that you've looked into things to do for your birthday and were on the verge of booking them? Why would you be doing that for your own birthday?

If booking your own activities is no big deal then why is it a big deal to celebrate a day or two before or after?

If birthdays are important to you and he then that should be an absolute; nothing else booked on or for that day, written in stone.

Wouldn't bother me personally , but I would expect him to ask first if I minded.

He had no input on the date so I wouldn’t be too annoyed about him going. But he could have asked you rather than telling you he’s going. I think my DH would have instantly said ‘is there any chance we could do a different weekend as it’s my oh’s birthday’. If they just booked it no input, do they actually care if he goes or not??

Why are people on MN such twunts about adults' birthdays?
Apart from anything else, it shows such lack of consideration. If something like this came up for either me or my DP we wouldn't dream of committing before we'd spoken to the other person. And not because it's happened before, or I'm a dragon and he's scared of me, or I need his permission or anything; it's just basic courtesy.
It's fine saying celebrate on another day, but you might not be able to if e.g. one or both of you is working and can't change it, or you wanted to go and do something that's only on certain days.

I'd be upset and hurt, OP, and I don't think you're U for being so.

Some people care about their birthdays, others don't. It shapes their views. As long as people know and there is agreement then there's no drama.

I don't celebrate mine at all but for other family and friends who do, I go all out for them.

It's not Janice in HR though is it, it's his wife!

Goodness me, you are making a ridiculous argument. Using your strange logic, the 1000s of NHS workers who can't celebrate on Christmas and Christmas day shouldn't then celebrate the day afterwards when they are off work, instead. Give your head a wobble.

penjil if you can't be bothered about other people who get excited about celebrating their birthdays when you do all the bunting nonsense for any other diary date then you're not much of a friend and you'd be decorating for yourself, I wouldn't bother 'celebrating' with you.

It would have been nice if he had asked first but I wouldn’t care about moving my birthday celebrations to another day. It’s hard for a group holiday to find a date that suits everyone and I’m sure other people have more pressing difficulties. Some adults are such babies about their birthdays! It’s just a day!!

It wouldn't bother me, as we'd celebrate on a different day - I'd like a text or phone on my birthday.

Due to work, surgeries, Easter, family emergencies etc we rarely get to celebrate birthdays on the actual day and just go with flow.

Last year DH was in hospital and my birthday was spent working, visiting hospital and usual family stuff. My birthday didn't really matter to me.

Each to there own but birthdays a non event in our house so if my other half went away I’d be enjoying the peace and looking forward to pleasing myself on my birthday

But some people regress into being a spoilt petulant child when it comes to there birthday and expect it to be celebrated like it was the second coming if your one of them the obvious ltb

rwalker, I feel the same way as you do about my own birthday but not about other people's and I wouldn't refer to them as spoiled children.

Otherwise, why bother celebrating anything? And who would even want to celebrate what's important to you, with you?

I think that some posters write 'couldn't care less' posts because they think it looks good. It doesn't.

It wouldn't bother me. We'd just celebrate my birthday the weekend before or after. I think I'd perhaps feel differently if dh was off on lads weekends every month and could have just missed this one, but my dh rarely goes on this type of thing, so I'd be happy for him to go.

I guess it depends on what is your history with birthdays. Like are they considered a big deal in your relationship then he should know to decline. In my relationships birthdays/anniversaries are not really a big thing. We will have dinner if there is no other plans and maybe an activity. But this would be a non issue.

I'd be fine with DH going away on my birthday - it's not a significant birthday, you've booked a week away with friends, he wants a weekend away with friends. It would be a bit difficult if everyone of your / his friends avoided going on the weekend closest to their partners or Dc's birthday / anniversary!
Just have a lovely birthday by yourself or with girlfriends and if you feel the need to do something with your DH as well, thats an extra?!

Well having to work a certain day is different go going off on a jaunt on a particular day or can you not work that out for yourself?

Well obviously me and DH get on a lot better than you do with your OH.

DH is the person I want to spend my birthday with.

Wanting to celebrate your own birthday does not make someone a petulant child. The petulant children are the posters declaring you shouldn't celebrate unless you are a child although they will maybe make an exception if it is a landmark birthday!

My DH is the one that originally said all birthdays are and should be special and celebrated. I never at any time demanded it.

Wanting to be on your own on your birthday to me is very sad and I am so glad me and DH don't feel that way

Given that she’s 44 maybe try not acting like a petulant child?

We would never do seperate holidays. I did a girls long weekend away in paphos once many years ago & all I wanted was DH there with me so never again. Either of us away for a night or 2 on a work associated trip feels different as its never abroad. In your situation because you are both comfortable with this I'd have the celebration with DH the night before.

I would not need to ask my DH not to go away as it would not cross his mind to do so in the first place.

ALL birthdays are significant to some of us

Oh for heaven’s sake, this is ridiculous. No one is suggesting they celebrate on a random day three months later; just as close to the day as possible. It’s the same with your Christmas example. Of course it would be weird to celebrate it on 14 September, but do you really think no one has a celebration on any day other than 25 December? What about divorced parents who haven’t got their kids that year; you don’t think they have some kind of Christmas celebration a few days before or afterwards? Or even just people who can’t see all the family on the actual day?

One of my best friends holds an early Christmas for his family every year. His adult children are typically with their mother on the day itself as they live much closer to her; his elderly mother gets to see her grandchildren, but also her other children and grandchildren on the day itself. Logistically they simply can’t all be together on Christmas Day. Do you think they should skip this enjoyable family celebration just because it’s not reallllly Christmas on the 19th?

It’s a shame this trip away has fallen when it has, but the OP’s husband didn’t organise it. It’s not like he can just say “I’ll go next week instead” - it might mean he doesn’t get a chance for another year. Will OP be giving up her week-long trip in solidarity? I highly doubt it - and a good thing too! The adult thing to do here would be for them both to acknowledge it’s a shame in terms of timing, but that life isn’t always going to go exactly to plan, and then plan something nice for after the weekend.

Ah. Baby insults and baby birthday attitude. Makes sense.

I never had a birthday party as a child but my birthday was always celebrated on the day as it should be.

As I said, both me and DH always take at least the day off work on our birthdays even not longer. We have done that for 44 years.

Yabu

But surely most posters don't celebrate their wedding anniversaries and like to boast about that. Some even say they can't remember the date - so so pathetic.

Again, to us, ALL wedding anniversaries are important and are celebrated on the day not the week before or after.