My Wife The Abuser: The Secret Footage

[Lumpalicious]

Anyone watching? Channel 5 now.

I agree entirely with @Jellycats4life

It's truly awful what has happened to this man. This woman's sentence is not long enough - she'll go on and do it again to someone else, I have no doubt

But a small part of me can't help but shake my head that this does such a disservice to all the countless female victims of male domestic abuse, where it's so commonplace, it barely raises an eyebrow.

My mother is an abuser and nobody could believe it. Even practically minded, logical people who accept that these things do happen are often unable to really see it when they encounter it in real life.

My mother is an attractive and small woman with blonde hair and a talent for baking intricate cakes. She hides behind a tinkly laugh and a pinafore.

If someone comes close to seeing who she really is, she will reverse and project and make her accuser into the accused. She accused her first husband (my biological father) of physical, emotional and financial abuse and everyone but his own mother believed her. I believed her myself, until she got drunk one night and confessed to me (between gleeful snorts) that she had made it all up in order to burn him to the ground and ensure he lost all access to his kids. Then she put us both in care because she “couldn’t manage”. Then came the crocodile tears and inculcation (“I did it all for you”)

My childhood was miserable and mired by fear, obligation and guilt towards my abuser.

*edit: I don’t pity the father that abandoned me. I just really wish people understood better how often women can also abuse - especially their children, whom they have so much power over.

What i read on MN sometimes i feel sorry for the husbands/ partners.
On MN it really does become man bashing show sometimes.
And you can read the abuse but yet he`s still the abuser somehow.

@livingwithamigraine very brave post

For what it's worth I agree with you

I hope more women use nanny cams to record abuse after this too. I think a lot of women would be surprised that filming it would work in their favour with kids in earshot/eye-shot. Historically the woman has been vilified for not leaving, keeping kids in an abusive setting and risking their lives. I hope the law will change to reflect this in the countless male abusers currently not behind bars despite repeat offending. This woman for example and her child might have had more effort made to protect her and her child https://www.kentonline.co.uk/thanet/news/nursery-staff-saw-young-boy-re-enact-brutal-attack-on-mum-303565/

Again, this in no way takes away from what this man has suffered, but the double standards are rife.

He deserves all the sympathy in the world but as a woman I felt exactly the same.. The police officer who took my DV statement looked bored shitless.

Yes, as a police officer myself I am fully aware of that. I have dealt with worse jobs than this across both sexes and managed to remain professional throughout. It helps no-one to have the supposedly impartial investigating officer visibly emotional when their focus should be on the investigation.

@JustEatTheOneInTheBallPit My mum was similar, she always had people convinced she was a lovely woman until the day she turned on them and made their lives hell. I’m glad the police took this poor man’s abuse seriously. I remember being terrified enough as a teenager to phone the police as my mother was smashing the house up and attacking my father, the police came and left within ten minutes, refused to do anything as she was a woman in her sixties who was drunk and the according to them the police station wasn’t the right place for her.

Poor man, that is absolutely disgusting.

This was genuinely one of the most upsetting things I’ve ever watched.
That poor man and those poor children having to live like that.
I’m so thankful he had a friend that knew what he needed to do and stepped in.
I hope this gives courage to other people in this situation and I hope Richard and his children have a safe, happy life together.

I couldn’t bring myself to watch it in the end, but did listen to a video on YT about the case. 4 years in an open prison is a joke. She is a grotesque individual.

Never forgotton the case of Alex Skeel, who if it wasn’t for a very vigilant and insightful police officer who was able to read the red flags, would probably be dead by now. Jordan Worth, his abuser was prosecuted and jailed for 7 years.

This is horrifying. That poor man. Only 4 years in prison sounds insulting.

please tell me she won't be able to see her kids when she is released!

She tried hard to stop this documentary. I bet she has pulled the wool over lots of peoples eyes about how she is the victim yada yards. Wonder how many 'friend dates' she will be having going forward. Hopefully none

There was a distressing episode of 24 Hours in Police Custody about an abused man, Paul Jenner. He died in intensive care following a heart attack. His partner Sherry Naidoo had just got out of prison for a previous attack and had attacked him again. He desperately tried to withdraw his testimony because he didn't want her to get in trouble. It was heartbreaking.

I thought he was really good, he faced into the "but you are a man she's smaller than you" stuff head on explaining that she'd pretend he was hurting her, shouting loudly so neighbours could hear. Absolute phycological torture - that doesn't abide by any gender/size rules does it.

This was remarkable because of all the video footage. That is an unusual record to have and so lent itself to a TV programme. It is the shocking footage of abuse as it was happening that means this programme is being talked about.

We have seen TV programmes detailing dv against women, but it is usually talking heads, re-enactment, or at most immediate, phone recordings. Were there to be a visual record like this one, I am sure it would have been made (with victim consent obvs.)

(Whether these programmes should be rolled out for TV consumption is another ethical talking point, especially when there are kids so obviously involved, who again don't have a say in their lived experience being shown in between ad breaks....I mean, I watched it also, so I am not exonerating myself here...)

It was horrific to watch the husband being beaten by his wife and her children having to deal with it .

Sorry.
💝

As an ex detective I have dealt with some truly horrific things. Yes, you remain professional and impartial, but at the end of the day,we are all human and sometimes things just 'get ' to you. It doesn't make you any less professional, it shows you are human.

Yes, it's horrendous and upsetting.
However, I dare say, very rare.
Full stop.

I couldn't bare to put it on, and glad I didn't now knowing there was video footage. I wouldn't have been able to sleep for the next few nights.

Absolutely awful, 4 years prison doesn't begin to equate to the long-lasting damage she has caused him and their children.

I posted on Mumsnet last year....my brother was in an abusive relationship and overwhelming the comments were - you are talking rubbish 🙄🤬, you have got it in for his wife etc etc.
My brother and his children are safe, loved and rebuilding their lives😊

This.

What happened to him is awful but this is happening to countless women every single day.

No one bats an eyelid it’s so common and it certainly wouldn’t warrant a tv documentary.

I think a large part of the appeal to the media is that she’s blonde, white and attractive.

I grew up in a home with dv. I'm most upset for the poor children in this. What they have heard and witnessed will affect them for the rest of their lives. Watching her abuse that poor man in front of her children is heartbreaking. Four year was far too short a sentence.