Embarrassed by partners go fund me...

[ick26]

Dp has decided to do an extreme "event" on the other side of the world next year. It's one of those things that rich men with too much money are known to do and usually fail having to end up getting rescued 🙄

Dp has decided that he wants to do this, he's become obsessed and this is all he goes on about (for the last three weeks anyway) before that it was smaller cheaper sports he would do once or twice buy all the kit then never mention it again. (our shed has bikes, sports rackets, golf clubs, air rifle, model cars etc you get the drift)

Only thing with this one is he has set up a go fund me (I knew nothing about it till I seen it on SM) for thousands of pounds to pay for the trip. Of course he's sitting at around 1% of the total he needs.

I honestly can't explain the physical reaction I've had to this I could put my head under my pillow and not come out again I'm so embarrassed that he's sharing this about 5 times a day to try and get people to donate!

I've tried telling him raising this amount of money would usually involve hosting events and getting sponsors from big companies but it falls on deaf ears. He's saying to people any money over what he needs will go to charity but realistically he's asking people to fund his midlife crisis and by the small number of donations everyone knows this.

To make matters worse this is an extreme event and he's fundraising before after starting training for a sport he's never actually tried before. I don't even know why I'm posting I just need to rant somewhere.

Oh dear. I am cringing on your behalf OP- he's acting like an absolute fuckwit.

I think if I was you I would stop saying anything about it and just let the cards fall as they may. He's clearly not listening to you anyway so let the public's actions do your talking for you. It's likely he'll raise a very meagre amount and then wont be able to do it so let this happen. THEN, afterwards if he starts asking why, let him have it with both barrels. He cant then argue with you because the gofundme will prove you correct.

how does GoFundMe work? does he get the money whether or not he does the thing? or does it just stay in a holding type of account until he a) reaches the target and b) books the event.

I would be pointing out, as other pp said, that he has a load of stuff he could sell to put towards the funding, and also making noise about the required training.

And depending on his reaction either sit back and wait for it to disappear in a puff of logic, or decide if this is the future you want for yourself, always waiting for the next hobby to come and go again.

Can he sing? Professing your dream on x factor usually gets you a recording contract.. Selling his tunes can pay for his trip....

Totally off-topic @Reallybadidea but is your username BF5-related?

It IS optional, but if he's constantly harassing people online to give to him, it's a far cry from putting the 'opportunity' out there once and then leaving people to engage if they desire.

People who do things like this often get very 'persuasive' and can even start emotionally blackmailing and shaming those who don't give. It can actually take quite a self-confident and determined person to withstand the demands; many will just acquiesce.

I wonder if he will just sigh and cancel his mad plans when the donations don't come in online, or whether he will double down and start hassling his friends, family, neighbours, colleagues and anybody he meets in person?

Your description of constantly switching obsessions and a shed full of gear that's now unused sounds very much like ADHD to me. This is why diagnosis is so important as it helps people manage the impulsivity etc.

You might find this helpful
https://www.instagram.com/adhdlovee_?igsh=aWlnYTJxbG00Z29z

I don't think you need to worry too much about the event itself. In these days people are watching every penny so go-fund me for actual 'needed' things, such as medical emergencies, or help for people who have lost everything in fires, floods etc are having a hard time getting donations. I can't honestly see that anyone having much interest in your husband's vanity project .
Just keep your head down and wait it out!

Oh God, that's so embarrassing! 😂😂😂

I don't think there's a way to broach this with him without you becoming the bad guy for "trampling on his dreams"/"not believing in him". Also, the more you try to gently advise him against it, the longer he'll dig his heels in and try to make it happen, which will only prolong your suffering.

Clearly this ambition will die on its own when his GoFundMe fails. In the meantime, I'd just bask in the desperately awkward online silence, watch those tumbleweeds roll on by and try not to cringe to death.

And possibly seek help for the strange people who actually donated.

He should be very embarrassed if it is Everest. Does he know there are gofundme pages to raise funds to support the families of sherpas who have been injured or killed? So I hope it isn’t Everest. Idiot.

Ew...have you told him he's making a complete fool out of himself and you and directly told him it's embarrassing? Maybe you can show him these responses so he can see that everyone agrees it's inappropriate and ridiculous to use a charity fundraising website for a hobby! Does he really think what he is doing is important enough that he would take money from friends and relatives in order to achieve it? I would be so utterly mortified if my husband did this.

It's really cheeky and grabby. You are right to be ashamed.

This has made me chuckle op, please post the link for our amusement:)

Oh god @ick26 I feel for you!
Hope it's a passing phase and they next one is knitting!

Agree with other posters. Hugely embarrassing.

I do agree with this, but it works though, doesn't it? The charity gets the money, be it through people sponsoring, or the runner themselves making up the shortfall.

But yes, I do agree it's never about the charity for these types of runners. It's just about themselves.

Does he have ADHD because one of the symptoms of that is starting 101 different hobbies that last for a few weeks before getting bored and moving on.

Do you not see how needing a medical procedure in order to feel comfortable in your own skin is completely different to badgering everyone you know into subsidising an adventure holiday for yourself?

Please give us a clue as to what it is though?

My money would be an extreme ultra marathon (the desert one), or Everest.

I think you should comment on his SM post
”hey folks, DW here, I am so sorry about my DH’s recent pleas to fund his midlife crisis, best to just ignore, and hopefully he will move onto something else in due course, and stop begging you all for money.”

LOL, what a muppet.

Oh dear. I would be mortified.

Is he usually so lacking in self awareness?

I wish all “fundraising” was banned which involved going abroad unless the person pays the cost of the activity themselves. Ages ago in my local charity some teens were going abroad for our local hospice and they were getting all the tokens over a local school and charity. How much of that money did the hospice see but bet the teens had a great time doing their trek.

I see why you’re embarrassed, at least you aren’t trying trying to guilt your friends into donating to his appeal! Hopefully his page will fade quietly and real charities will get money!

That is just so entitled. What would the people who sponsor him get out of it? Who would benefit from him doing this event?

He really is deluded if he thinks that his go fund me will take precedence for most people over actual worthy causes. What a knob!

If it's any consolation, if I saw something like that on my social media I would be purely judging the husband, and not his wife! (Unless she was sharing the go fund me link)

You need to tell him:

That this is absolutely cringeworthy
That his and your friends will be looking at him differently
That they will be wondering why the fuck they should fund his embarrassing midlife crisis
That it's giving you the massive ick

Ask him for an answer to 'why the fuck should other people fund your midlife crisis'?

I'd be genuinely interested to know the delusion process behind this, I see it a lot.

Always men, of course.