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Original poster

Embarrassed by partners go fund me...

422 replies

ick26 · 12/03/2024 11:36

Dp has decided to do an extreme "event" on the other side of the world next year. It's one of those things that rich men with too much money are known to do and usually fail having to end up getting rescued 🙄

Dp has decided that he wants to do this, he's become obsessed and this is all he goes on about (for the last three weeks anyway) before that it was smaller cheaper sports he would do once or twice buy all the kit then never mention it again. (our shed has bikes, sports rackets, golf clubs, air rifle, model cars etc you get the drift)

Only thing with this one is he has set up a go fund me (I knew nothing about it till I seen it on SM) for thousands of pounds to pay for the trip. Of course he's sitting at around 1% of the total he needs.

I honestly can't explain the physical reaction I've had to this I could put my head under my pillow and not come out again I'm so embarrassed that he's sharing this about 5 times a day to try and get people to donate!

I've tried telling him raising this amount of money would usually involve hosting events and getting sponsors from big companies but it falls on deaf ears. He's saying to people any money over what he needs will go to charity but realistically he's asking people to fund his midlife crisis and by the small number of donations everyone knows this.

To make matters worse this is an extreme event and he's fundraising before after starting training for a sport he's never actually tried before. I don't even know why I'm posting I just need to rant somewhere.

OP posts:
Pickingmyselfup · 12/03/2024 16:38

TwigletsAndRadishes · 12/03/2024 12:14

Unless he's raising money for charity then YANBU and I am cringeing along with you. It's awful.

It also irritates me that loads of people enter the London Marathon on a chairty place then push you to sponsor them. What lots of people don't understand is that they aren't running it for the charity, they are running it for themselves. It's a personal ambition dressed up as an act of heroic selflessness. The charity angle is just a means to an end.

When you enter the ballot for a place in the marathon, only a small percentage of fun runners are successful in getting a standard place beause it's massively oversubscribed. The next option is to apply for a charity place, which means that you commit to raising quite a lot of money for a specific charity chosen from a list, and if you fail to raise enough money you have to stump up the rest yourself. The chances of getting a charity place are much better than the chance of getting a standard place for a standard fee., but ultimately it could end up costing you much, much more.

Those people want to run the marathon for THEMSELVES first and foremost. The push to get people to support their charity is really so they don't have to pay too much in shortfall between the target and the money raised. While I accept that charities still benefit, I do find it a bit disengenuous, the 'I am running to marathon in aid of the British Heart Foundation, or whatever.

It's the same when people want to be sponsored to do a parachute jump or something. They are always the sort of people who want to do a parachute jump anyway and would ordinarily have to pay a lot of money for the privilege.

I've entered into a few races recently for myself, haven't asked for money for charity yet I've had so many people ask what charity I'm doing it for/why I'm not so I actually feel bad for entering just for myself!

I haven't found a charity that I feel strongly enough about to raise money for which is the main reason I'm not asking for money.

Obviously asking for money just for yourself for a frivolous reason is not OK, if you can't afford to do it then you don't do it. I can't imagine I would get many people giving me money if I set up a go fund me for a holiday and this is no different.

PlumbersWifey · 12/03/2024 16:39

I'd be mortified at that. How embarrassing. He must be having a mid-life crisis of some sort, surely.

NonPlayerCharacter · 12/03/2024 16:41

Yesssssssssss · 12/03/2024 16:27

I have a friend who is climbing Kilimanjaro. She aims to raise £1,000.
I am wondering how much it will cost her to climb Kilimanjaro- flights, accommodation, equipment, guides. I think she should donate that amount to the charity and not do the trip.
Why should others pay for her to get a trip to Africa?and why should she bask in the glory of being a charity fundraiser when other people paid for it?

That sounds more like she's funding the costs herself and hopes to raise £1000 for charity while doing it? Because that won't be enough for the trip itself. If she's funding her holiday herself, I don't see what's wrong with that.

disaggregate · 12/03/2024 16:41

ick26 · 12/03/2024 11:36

Dp has decided to do an extreme "event" on the other side of the world next year. It's one of those things that rich men with too much money are known to do and usually fail having to end up getting rescued 🙄

Dp has decided that he wants to do this, he's become obsessed and this is all he goes on about (for the last three weeks anyway) before that it was smaller cheaper sports he would do once or twice buy all the kit then never mention it again. (our shed has bikes, sports rackets, golf clubs, air rifle, model cars etc you get the drift)

Only thing with this one is he has set up a go fund me (I knew nothing about it till I seen it on SM) for thousands of pounds to pay for the trip. Of course he's sitting at around 1% of the total he needs.

I honestly can't explain the physical reaction I've had to this I could put my head under my pillow and not come out again I'm so embarrassed that he's sharing this about 5 times a day to try and get people to donate!

I've tried telling him raising this amount of money would usually involve hosting events and getting sponsors from big companies but it falls on deaf ears. He's saying to people any money over what he needs will go to charity but realistically he's asking people to fund his midlife crisis and by the small number of donations everyone knows this.

To make matters worse this is an extreme event and he's fundraising before after starting training for a sport he's never actually tried before. I don't even know why I'm posting I just need to rant somewhere.

Oh god cringe...that's pretty messed up! Sorry OP, you must be embarrassed for him.

nobloodsplease · 12/03/2024 16:41

I would be absolutely mortified. I don't know what else you can do though. You've told him how bad it is and he obviously thinks you're wrong (you're not)

NOTANUM · 12/03/2024 16:48

I knew someone who raised twice the amount stipulated by the charity to climb Kilimanjaro.
They kept half of back and did it two years in a row!
People’s cheek is unparalleled.

NOTANUM · 12/03/2024 16:48

Also see gap years. Just no.

Beautiful3 · 12/03/2024 16:51

I bet it's to climb a mountain! I'm cringing for you! I hate those kind of fund raisers, asking others to fund their expensive activities. I feel your pain!

DreadPirateRobots · 12/03/2024 16:54

Surely it can’t be Everest, that would be insanity

Read "Into Thin Air" or any of the books about the disastrous 2006 Everest season. All you need to make an assault on Everest is cash and pigheaded idiocy.

User19792 · 12/03/2024 16:58

I know a man who did both Everest and the ultra marathon across the sahara. But his child had passed away and the training was his only sanity. He did it all for a charity which is dedicated to the condition that took his child. And he ONLY fundraises for the Charity - he pays for all the flights etc training HIMSELF!! I am so sorry OP, this just awful.

WaltzingWaters · 12/03/2024 16:58

Yep, mortifying and completely grabby! I hope nobody is silly enough to donate to him. I’ve enjoyed doing volcano hikes and sky dives and stuff but always funded myself!

PansyOatZebra · 12/03/2024 17:02

Omg so cringeeeee

SabreIsMyFave · 12/03/2024 17:03

Oh God, this reminds me of a few years ago (20 or so,) when me and DH were struggling financially, and he kept saying he was going to email Richard Branson and Alan Sugar and ask them for half a million pounds so he could retire and never work again - because 'they can afford it,' and he is a hard worker that has got shitty pay for shitty jobs for 22-23 years.

Like, duh, 10s of millions of people are in this position! As IF they were going to write him a cheque for half a million £££ for nothing. 😆

He was also going to put an advert in the local newspaper asking for donations to start up a new business (a noughties version of 'gofundme.')

I BEGGED him to not do it, as it was so embarrassing. I said 'do what normal people do and do a business plan, set up a business account, and ask the bank.' He actually did this, but it flopped because his idea was ludicrous and the bank could see he was no businessman and didn't know what he was doing! He just had this fantasy in his head about running his own little business, but didn't have the money, or know-how to do it.

@ick26 I would be threatening to bail on the relationship if I were you. He is uber cringeworthy!

Finally, I wouldn't give a single fucking PENNY to someone begging for funds for some jolly that they had on their bucket list. (And that includes handing money to kids packing your shopping at the end of the checkout so they can get money for their trip to South Africa. LOL jog on!)

Some people are shameless!

Ginandjuice57884 · 12/03/2024 17:03

Start to gofundme for a divorce.

TeenLifeMum · 12/03/2024 17:04

I’ve done sky dives and wing walking but ALL the fundraising went to the charity and I paid for the activity myself. Felt wrong doing anything else. At least he’s being honest re who gets the money and what it’s for I guess.

Onehappymam · 12/03/2024 17:06

You say DP & not DH. How long have you been together? Kids? House?

This would put me clean off him. All the abandoned hobbies makes him sound like a man child. And as for this latest stunt - what planet is he on? He must have a huge ego to think people would willingly pay for this charade.

Amandasummers · 12/03/2024 17:15

Ew. I feel awful for you op this is mortifying.

Menapausemum1974 · 12/03/2024 17:18

ick26 · 12/03/2024 11:36

Dp has decided to do an extreme "event" on the other side of the world next year. It's one of those things that rich men with too much money are known to do and usually fail having to end up getting rescued 🙄

Dp has decided that he wants to do this, he's become obsessed and this is all he goes on about (for the last three weeks anyway) before that it was smaller cheaper sports he would do once or twice buy all the kit then never mention it again. (our shed has bikes, sports rackets, golf clubs, air rifle, model cars etc you get the drift)

Only thing with this one is he has set up a go fund me (I knew nothing about it till I seen it on SM) for thousands of pounds to pay for the trip. Of course he's sitting at around 1% of the total he needs.

I honestly can't explain the physical reaction I've had to this I could put my head under my pillow and not come out again I'm so embarrassed that he's sharing this about 5 times a day to try and get people to donate!

I've tried telling him raising this amount of money would usually involve hosting events and getting sponsors from big companies but it falls on deaf ears. He's saying to people any money over what he needs will go to charity but realistically he's asking people to fund his midlife crisis and by the small number of donations everyone knows this.

To make matters worse this is an extreme event and he's fundraising before after starting training for a sport he's never actually tried before. I don't even know why I'm posting I just need to rant somewhere.

@ick26 any chance he has ADHD , I have 2 sons with it and both joined ( and left) any club known to man, to the extent they were paying pocket money in advance for previous outfits etc… impulsiveness, flakey commitment etc are in my experience typical

Dixiechickonhols · 12/03/2024 17:18

You can make your views known and make it clear you don’t want him touting for donations on your social media or in person when you are there.
On a more serious note if you have children and rely on his income can you check life insurance will pay out if he dies.

Severalwhippets · 12/03/2024 17:26

I would make him take it down and refund any donations. Absolutely could not bear to be embarrassed by such a grabby and quite frankly entitled begging campaign.

Time to sit down and tell him to get a damn grip.

Whenever I get go find me requests for anything like this - I always think what a total tone deaf dick and ignore them. Meanwhile our local foodbank has run out of food….. feel for you op.

Severalwhippets · 12/03/2024 17:28

I have also always thought they are letting others know what great adventures they are planning - it’s a bragging broadcast because I am assuming he didn’t expect thousands to flood in… knob.

yorkshireteapot9 · 12/03/2024 17:29

I'm also mortified on his/your behalf 😏

NeedToChangeName · 12/03/2024 17:31

HoneyWogan · 12/03/2024 13:01

What is the point in sponsoring even high profile people to climb mountains? How does it actually help to expand the realms of human knowledge in any way?

Now, if it were funding to conduct an in-depth scientific study at close quarters to verify the sincerely-held hypothesis that human sewage could be transformed into a carbon-neutral fuel to power the world's railways - that might be worth chucking a tenner towards.

@HoneyWogan I agree

I would gladly pay to support my neighbours' children to pick up litter around our town, or wash my car

But I don't like being asked to sponsor their gap year projects aka holidays

DarkDarkNight · 12/03/2024 17:32

He’s embarrassing himself, I would be mortified on his behalf. I think you really need to be blunt with him and tell him the reason he has only received a tiny amount of the amount he’s asked for.

whether it’s climbing the Matterhorn or doing some extreme Iron Man competition he is idiotic to even contemplate doing it without ever having done the activity before. Tell him to take the Go Fund Me down and refund the people who’ve chipped in (who probably only did so out of pity).

wishmyhousetidy · 12/03/2024 17:33

Dont worry Op it doesn’t reflect on you so I wouldn’t be too embarrassed:) I wouldn’t judge my friends if their husbands did something daft like this