Embarrassed by partners go fund me...

[ick26]

Dp has decided to do an extreme "event" on the other side of the world next year. It's one of those things that rich men with too much money are known to do and usually fail having to end up getting rescued 🙄

Dp has decided that he wants to do this, he's become obsessed and this is all he goes on about (for the last three weeks anyway) before that it was smaller cheaper sports he would do once or twice buy all the kit then never mention it again. (our shed has bikes, sports rackets, golf clubs, air rifle, model cars etc you get the drift)

Only thing with this one is he has set up a go fund me (I knew nothing about it till I seen it on SM) for thousands of pounds to pay for the trip. Of course he's sitting at around 1% of the total he needs.

I honestly can't explain the physical reaction I've had to this I could put my head under my pillow and not come out again I'm so embarrassed that he's sharing this about 5 times a day to try and get people to donate!

I've tried telling him raising this amount of money would usually involve hosting events and getting sponsors from big companies but it falls on deaf ears. He's saying to people any money over what he needs will go to charity but realistically he's asking people to fund his midlife crisis and by the small number of donations everyone knows this.

To make matters worse this is an extreme event and he's fundraising before after starting training for a sport he's never actually tried before. I don't even know why I'm posting I just need to rant somewhere.

😂

So, so embarrassing to be doing this. I am more than happy to chuck in a tenner to many GFMs that cross my path but never, ever for something like this.

If it is Everest (or, even worse, one of the other 'big' mountains) he needs a short, sharp chat about a) the fitness requirements for this b) the actual costs and c) the absolutely awful impact wealthy western idiots are having on the ecology, economy and the local population of Nepal (or equivalent).

People die attempting Everest every year; many more come home with serious injuries and disabilities. Frost bitten fingers/toes/feet etc are incredibly common. Many of those never get near the Summit, but past Camp 1, the only help is from the Sherpas and other climbers, and they're only going to (be able to) help to a point - which is why there are frozen bodies left all over the mountain.

Despite that, because it's so 'popular' and not especially technical once past the Ice Fall, its one of the 'safer' big mountains. Some of the others kill 20 to 30% of climbers attempting them, including people with decades of experience. These are environments we're not meant to be in and there's no such thing as 'safe'.

And, if it is any of those, he isn't raising nearly enough money based on the figures you've given - which means he's also trying to do it on the cheap, without the support of an experienced commercial climbing team.

It's cringe now, OP, but if he actually gets close to raising the money and goes, the best outcome is he goes down with gastro on the hike up to base camp (a lot do!) and gets no further. The worst... well....

Does he have no self awareness? Urgh cringey! Sorry OP

As a student I couldn’t sign up for any of those schemes where you get donations for a supposed charitable purpose but most of the money is spent on your flights and accommodation. I don’t see the difference as no one signs up for these foreign excursions who doesn’t want to do it. Might as well as for money for a holiday.

Have him read this article, OP.

https://www.theguardian.com/uk/2003/jan/28/stevenmorris

I have taught this for IGCSE English, funnily enough (writer's attitudes towards the men who had their 'adventure)

That is a really good work policy. I want to be kind and generous but at times it feels like a total bombardment. One lady I know refused to sponsor people because they were just doing their hobby (climbing, running, white water rafting).

@ick26 has he even been accepted to do said event?

Most of the ones I know will require people to prove they have the minimum abilities to do it (because of the risk of rescue you mentioned).

I think he is deluded tbh. Not just about finding the money for it but about his own ability to do said challenge

If anyone genuinely wanted to raise money for charity they would fund the trip themselves and then ask for sponsorship with all sponsorship raised going to the charity.

I will usually support someone running a marathon etc. if they have paid for it all themselves and just want to use the event to also raise money for charity.

and the difference is that the runner makes their own way to the race

It’s not often I comment on a thread but I’m so embarrassed for him, you poor thing!

The only way I would contribute would be if a friend paid for the excursion entirely and anything he fundraised went to charity.
Mortified for him.

It's just the middle aged man version of MLM isn't it? Bugging your friends for money.

Leave him to it, he'll find out that it's a wild goose chase in his own good time.

The euphemistically named 'top surgery' is a not-medically-warranted double mastectomy for women (often young women), isn't it? Many doctors believe it's a medical scandal. It's social contagion that helps raise the money, along with some vested interests egging it all on in the name of a 'wrong body' doctrine.

And these 'sponsored adventure holidays for charity / sense of self' are an environmental scandal.

That is mortifying and I can’t understand why anyone would want to donate to that.

I find anyone who does this disgusting. Fair enough to raise money for charity but to expect ransoms to pay for a holiday when they obviously have money themselves is embarrassing!!

Your description of how he loses interest in things very quickly band can become obsessive about new ideas/hobbies is quite an adhd trait (I have it myself). I’ve never done anything like your dh but I have absolutely piles of equipment from my latest obsessions that I lose interest in a few weeks/months down the line and are discarded. It was only when I was diagnosed and realised that I do it, then I was able to stop and pause before rushing into a new interest!!

Haven't RTFT, but I have several (insane) friends who do extremely demanding ultramarathon type things and they train like fuck.

Like at the weekends they will probably run at least 25 miles on at least one of the days as a training run. Maybe more. Plus a lot more training during the week.

They all got into it gradually - started with running a bit for fitness, then decided to try a half marathon, a marathon, an Iron Man, etc etc, until they got hooked and ended up doing the 200 mile races and stuff.

They all fund themselves. Occasionally they might ask for sponsorship for a charity, but all the money raised goes directly to the charity, not to race costs (and for most races they don't even do that - we all know this is a hobby for them and they would be doing it anyway). There are plenty of ultramarathons (200 miles plus) every year within the UK. If he wants to have a midlife crisis then he can have one in Yorkshire.

Many of the "big name" hardcore sport events worldwide are actually quite hard to get into. They have strictly limited numbers and are oversubscribed (God knows why). And some won't even let you apply unless you've verifiably completed several other ultramarathons or similar within the previous year, because otherwise you're too likely to flake out. These are the responsible events. If a hardcore event just lets anyone sign up for cash, then that's not a good sign.

Is it the Dakar Rally? Surely it can’t be Everest, that would be insanity.

It’s unlikely he’ll raise the money so what will he do then.. he’ll have to give it up. Does he require any medical checks etc.. they might say he’s not in shape enough and might nip it in the bud! Just an idea. I’d be pointing out all these hobbies that don’t help last for long. What is he looking for?? Is he bored? What about travel or something more reasonable / that you could do together x

I’ve just finished the last British Scandal podcast on Donald Crowhurst, the terrible sailor who tried to cheat on the first solo round-the-world boat race in 1969, and this is exactly the type of delusional shit he would have pulled if he’d been around now. It’s almost scammy. Good luck OP!

Maybe if we all report it we can get it taken down.

I have a friend who is climbing Kilimanjaro. She aims to raise £1,000.
I am wondering how much it will cost her to climb Kilimanjaro- flights, accommodation, equipment, guides. I think she should donate that amount to the charity and not do the trip.
Why should others pay for her to get a trip to Africa?and why should she bask in the glory of being a charity fundraiser when other people paid for it?

I feel your pain OP, how embarassing.

I'd be tempted to set up a "Go Fund Me" of your own asking people to donate for two weeks all inclusive in a "naice" hotel for a large family in the height of the summer, and whenever he posts about his "jolly" reply with a link to the alternative option that people can donate to instead.

When people do these extreme events as part of a genuinely charitable enterprise, they usually have to fundraise for a total that is at least 3 times the cost to actually do the event - otherwise donations aren't actually supporting the charity but just paying for someone's holiday-of-a-lifetime. The idea of a GoFundMe that is just to pay for the costs of doing it is sickening - if people have spare money to give away they should give it direct to a charity, not spend it on a random priviledged bloke's mid-life crisis.

Continental or the full cooked breakfast?

Sorry...I couldn't resist.

Where's his pride gone?

A family I know go on multiple holidays a year (think Disney, the Caribbean, Lapland, Asia). They post photos all over social media so it is clear they live a lifestyle of very expensive holidays (good for them!).

But last year they posted a Go Fund Me to pay for their son going to do charity work in Africa. All comments on their posts were friends posting laughing emojis or saying ‘is this for real?’

I am sorry you are under the umbrella of your DH’s actions - change your name and leave the country? We can start a Go Fund Me to help you pay for your new life!