Accidentally settled for such a small life

[longingfor]

I didn't really realise until it was too late, but I had my kids at 22 and 25. I got married at 26. I live not far at all from where I was born and raised. My eldest is happy and settled in school so I can't move, my husband is happy here. It's not an urban area (small town in Wales), jobs are limited. I do admin and earn £26k, even if I re-train the only jobs around here are within the NHS or the local council. We go on holiday once a year, but mainly kid friendly sunny breaks. I have good friends and do a city break with them once a year. My life is just so small though, isn't it? One of my sisters lives in Australia and is experiencing a whole new life to what we knew. My other sister has an amazing career and makes over £100k a year, doesn't have kids, goes on amazing holidays and seems to be out all the time having meals and drinks and experiences. I love my kids and my house and my husband and my friends but I can't help but feel panicky when I think about the choices I've made. How much I've limited myself to a place which can't do anything for me. I feel claustrophobic. I don't know why I'm posting, I've made my bed and now I need to lie in it, I suppose. Be grateful for the good bits, my kids etc. It just feels a bit like, is this it? I'm not even 30 yet, and it feels like everything is just done, and small. I don't know.

Yes, this.
My aunt was always disappointed with her life, she sapped the joy out of everything.

You can always change. Invest on yourself with training, a degree or posgraduation . Soon the kids will be much more independent. I am in my 50s now and after years of boring part-time job while looking after my kids I finally found a job I love. I did invest in training to upgrade in my skills and to kip my brain engaged.
You had your children earlier than me so you will have the kids out of the house in your 40s. Life is just starting. Enjoy your family now and you can expand your horizons later. Just try to find things that matter for you.
A lot of people have kids later but the order doesn't matter so much as long as you don't stop investing in yourself. Good luck

Watch ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’ starring James Stewart.

Question is -are you happy? It sounds like a good life to me

Your life sounds pretty normal. I moved to Spain and I'd say my life is "smaller" here than it was in the U.K., because the Spanish lead pretty simple lives. If you look on my Instagram though, it probably looks really cool as it pics of the beach and cities I've visited here, but that's just from time to time. My day to day is pretty average.

First of all: That your kid is settled in school is no real reason not to move if it would otherwise make sense. Kids are flexible, and will adapt. We moved countries twice, when our daughter was 5 and again when she was 8, the second time to a country where she didn't even speak the language - and she adapted easily both times.

But also, you had your kids super young, which means that by your early to mid 40s you can start living completely carefree again and start new things.

You’re lucky - I had children at 36 so I’m still at the stage of going thru GCSEs and then whatever support they need until prob early 20s which takes me to approx 56 …… then we have big plans to travel and explore so I would say your next chapter hasn’t even started yet . But you cant enjoy the second chapter if your still reading the first !!! Enjoy it, accept it pand then plan and change it when the times right .

If you're just short of 30, you've probably got another 50 years of life in front of you. Plenty of time to do exciting things when you've finished doing what you're doing.

Other people's lives can seem so much more exiting or fulfilled but you have no idea what their real lives are like. So many times we hear of very rich / successful people addicted to drink & drugs or worse. Focus on the positive. Enjoy your children and family. Take up a new hobby. Don't beleive the grass is greener on the other side.

Ah by the way... for the longest time, I was jealous of my old school friends who were starting families, having seemingly stress-free jobs, buying houses and actual furniture... While I with my stupid brain was expected to have a career in stupid academia and move around all the time and not even live in the same place as my boyfriend who was also an academic. Grass is not always greener.

(Boyfriend-now-husband eventually left academia and moved around with me, we have 2 kids now and are finally settled in a place, have bought house etc etc. - but I know lots of people who ended up living in different countries from their SOs permanently, giving up plans to start a family for the "big" life.)

Bigger life usually comes with bigger headaches. When the kids leave you can travel and you will be young enough and smart enough to enjoy it. Don’t worry, be happy!

Bless you babe you sound fed up! Sending hugs 🫂 I was like this at one point, then I suffered so much loss (MIL passed away, as well as other family members) and I lived in the moment more from then on. 😇
My cousin couldn't have kids, and she jet sets everywhere with her hubby. She shows me amazing memories of her trips and tells me she would swop it all if she could have a son like mine. Trust me beauty, your life isn't small, you are very rich in many ways. But if you feel like it is groundhog day (like I once did) then maybe a new hobby, or a course or possibly job retraining could be an option? An exciting challenge /something to sink your teeth into may just be what the doctor ordered.

Education education education!
Education and travel expand the mind, you don't want to travel atm, so what sort of education can you access? To improve your career, take up a new hobby, learn new skills? It's definitely not the end, just new things to see, good luck, keep exploring!

Life is about being content, if you're content, you'll become happy, because you'll stop wanting everything you don't have.
My bsat friend earns 3 times my salary, owns own firm, partner, kids, detached house, new cars. Then admits they're jealous of me, because I'm have so much less (which is very true) but I'm happier

I got an enormous amount out of introducing the kids to anything and everything we could do, whether or not I knew anything about it, with leaders where necessary: swimming, ice skating, cycling, mountain walking, going up to the city for museums, shows, exhibitions, canoeing, sailing, youth hostelling, hiking, horse riding, orienteering, exploring, sketching... not everything was a success but we had some wonderful times.

It’s never too late to change your life. Online uni course? Job offer abroad? You can make changes whenever you want.

This 100%. I no longer engage in social media and it is absolutely the most freeing thing. Watching the false nonsense people post on FB, Instagram etc is so soul-destroying. If you don't see this you will miss it for a while but then will feel a million times better. Communicate directly with loved ones via WhatsApp or other direct messages.

You're still young enough to have a wider future with more excitement and adventure. It's absolutely in your future. Why don't you start planning in your mind future adventures for you either alone, with partner and no kids or with friends. Look at a new interest just for you.

When you tell me about what you envy, I'd 100% rather have what you have. If you were 70 then maybe not but you aren't. Please consider the power of coming away from social media. It will change everything x

It’s a hard one to answer really… I think when we approach different decades we can question our positions. Especially if we’ve other friends/siblings to compare to that have very different lifestyles. I’ve just turned 35 and so many panics have set in. I’ve never been an ambitious person but I’ve been having thoughts like you too. I don’t have any children, have always been terrified to because of my Mums traumatic birthing experiences, and I worry I’ll regret it and times ran out. I have a best friend who hands a fab paid job overseas, great life. And I can’t leave we’re I’ve grown up due to having a disabled sibling and responsibilities for her. I feel like my 20s flew by and now I live in fear of when my parents die and all the care for sibling leaves me with no chance of adventures if my own which I’m panicking to cram in! But on low income like yourself it’s hard! Sorry not much help, but I can empathise with your concerns. It sounds like you give your family a lovely life, maybe talk with your husband about other things you’d like to achieve fit yourself xx

What about an OU degree to widen your horizons - doesn’t have to be career orientated, just the joy of learning. I married one month after my 20th birthday, and felt I’d never reached my potential but graduated from OU at 61, and have been very contented with my ‘littlel life’. Great ambitions aren’t always what they’re cracked up to be. You have a loving, presumably healthy and happy family. What could be better?

Nonsense - as someone who has spent their adult career in the NHS - I would absolutely not recommend this.

Haha. 8 pages of quality insight and support and op is gone. Hope she's found it helpful none the less.

My mum did the same. When we all left home she started to work away from home and built her career up from nothing.

Your life sounds sweet to me op. I have a similar one, happy out!

The last few threads I read this week were about lack of commitment from men and the clock running out for dc….you do not have that problem and it’s a major one. You will still be relatively young when dc are independent and you can travel more then.Getting more savings to do that seems your only real challenge.

I think the grass is always greener. If you are in one of your sister's shoes, you'd be dreaming of your life.