How do I tell my neighbour I can hear her?

[BoomBoomBoomLemmeHearYouSayWayOh]

We moved in semi-recently and I can hear my neighbour having sex.

First time I thought it was a one off (maybe his birthday, 😂) as I didn't hear anything the first few months.

But now 2 or 3 times a week I can hear her (only her not him) as if she's in my hallway!
It's not a creaky bed or anything that can't be helped, it's loud, dramatic moans and 'yes, yes' type stuff

I have preteen/young teen kids who can clearly hear her too and it's really starting to piss me off when she starts.

DH and I manage to have sex without the whole house knowing. Never mind the neighbours.

I don't know her that well so I don't know whether to

A) bang on the wall (which I did last time but it was only my fist and I don't think she could hear it over her own squeals, so next time I'll use a shoe)

B) Wait till I see her and say something, which I have planned to do but just not seen her and I feel knocking on her door is way too intrusive. And WTF would I say.

C) put a note through the door. But again WTF do I write?

I feel almost rude asking her to keep it down in her own home but it's embarrassing sat in bed reading, listening to her howling.

A few nights ago DS was sat in bed with me and she started and he was so embarrassed.

When you ,I’ve in then…activities will still happen…

What the noise is is irrelevant.
If it's so loud it's actually waking you up, it's not acceptable.

I tried all the polite "are you aware we can hear you" methods to no avail in a similar situation. Eventually I put a note through their door saying I was going to distribute a recording. It stopped.

Playing devil's advocate here....are you sure it's them having sex and not something they're watching on the TV!!??

Sound women are just naturally loud 😁

How come you never hear men making these noises?

I don't think I've ever read or heard blokes screaming and shouting. The most you get is some grunting.

You only need to applaud once...
We had very loud neighbours in a flat once. After he obviously climaxed first one night and she made a super disappointed noise and we howled with laughter, they kept it down...

I would yell out once they're finished "She's faking it!"😆

I had the same problem with the woman ACROSS the road, the next day i asked her if she was suffering toothache as i heard alot of weird noises. She knew what i ment, never heard anything again

Fucking hell.

There is absolutely no need for ridiculously noisy sex…

Grab a pillow and shove it over your face if it all gets too much. That’s what I do.

Wonder if its our old neighbours, she too woke me up, with her OTT screaming, howling and headboard banging. It was awful! We had young toddlers at the time too. Fortunately, they slept like logs and she only did it after 11pm, they did have a young child, think she woke him up once with her screaming and the bed banging. We moved after 8 months as we bought a house.

In the Summer the whole street will be able to hear with the windows open. She will get all sorts of nicknames. My DH would probably nickname her Lassie or Ms Honeywell.

YANBU I have two friends that had moved house because of this. At least it isn't listed on the form you have to fill out if you want to sell your house - Yet!

My upstairs neighbours seemed to have a weekly sex apointment at 8pm on Wednesdays. I put a radio on top of the bookshelf just below the ceiling and tuned to Radio 4 so it would be obvious voices are audible between our homes. Seemed to work as the man's loud groaning suddenly stopped; luckily none of us have ever mentioned it and can continue to pretend not to know couples have sex....

This is why I avoid semi detached houses at all costs..

My friend put up with sex noises from next door, for months. Finally she snapped and went round and banged on their front door. The bloke answered wearing a woman’s dressing gown. 😂 My friend just said to him, “we can hear you having sex, just thought I’d let you know”. And that was it. They never heard a thing after that.

You forgot option D - play the scene from "When Harry Met Sally" at full volume the next time they start!

You do realise there's a cost of living crisis and a housing shortage and not everyone can have a detached house? 🤔

I once changed my WiFi name to 'I can hear you shagging'

Sadly my dp is a humourless miseryarse so it was changed back within an hour.

But yes, do that.

Omg I would whack something pretty heavy against the wall so there was no doubt they could hear it 😱 I definitely wouldn't want to bring it up with them. Do grown adults really need telling what is too loud?

Eww. That poor toddler. If it's loud in your house, imagine what show the toddler's having to listen to.

Those saying your kids aren't "naive" and that everyone has sex. Yes, they do, but doing it in a way so everyone can clearly hear is grim. Is she getting off on it or something?

I think laughing loudly right next door to the wall is quite a good solution. It means you can keep the social veil up when you see her. If it doesn’t work then try the note. It’s unreasonable to foist porn star noises on others, particularly kids. I feel bad for her kid as well.

😂😂

Tbh if she is that loud and performative, I'm wondering if she is actually... performing. For a camera.

Any road, this is not OK and an anonymous note through the letterbox is the least she'd be getting from me. But then, I am very sensitive to intrusive noise.

I agree. The already suggested note is great but I’d simply change it to make it clear that your children are already hearing her.

good luck, OP!