How do I tell my neighbour I can hear her?

[BoomBoomBoomLemmeHearYouSayWayOh]

We moved in semi-recently and I can hear my neighbour having sex.

First time I thought it was a one off (maybe his birthday, 😂) as I didn't hear anything the first few months.

But now 2 or 3 times a week I can hear her (only her not him) as if she's in my hallway!
It's not a creaky bed or anything that can't be helped, it's loud, dramatic moans and 'yes, yes' type stuff

I have preteen/young teen kids who can clearly hear her too and it's really starting to piss me off when she starts.

DH and I manage to have sex without the whole house knowing. Never mind the neighbours.

I don't know her that well so I don't know whether to

A) bang on the wall (which I did last time but it was only my fist and I don't think she could hear it over her own squeals, so next time I'll use a shoe)

B) Wait till I see her and say something, which I have planned to do but just not seen her and I feel knocking on her door is way too intrusive. And WTF would I say.

C) put a note through the door. But again WTF do I write?

I feel almost rude asking her to keep it down in her own home but it's embarrassing sat in bed reading, listening to her howling.

A few nights ago DS was sat in bed with me and she started and he was so embarrassed.

OMG 😂😂

Some tips here;

Wow, so you don’t care that a 7 year old can hear you? Or someone sitting with their dad?

I would’ve been really uncomfortable hearing noises like that at 10 or 11

Im far from unkind but thanks for your input

@BoomBoomBoomLemmeHearYouSayWayOh

Hi Op

I know you’re not coming back but just wanted to add that some people on this thread are seriously underestimating the volume and noise you’re talking about. In a previous house the next door neighbour was exactly as you are experiencing here. So much so that one night the police arrived and her partner answered the door I know this because we heard them demanding to she her as they were concerned for her safety (woman in distress)

We thought it was the neighbours on the other side reported it they thought it was us until it came up in conversation (awks)and it wasn’t either so must have been some one from the Public walking past that’s how loud it was. Calmed down for a while before getting back to top note so obviously they could control it to an extent .

A note would be obvious it was you and I don’t advocate wasting police time but some anonymous public concern may do the trick. I know from experience it not great and we had no kids at the time.

How would a 7yo even know they were sex noises? You could just brush it off without any specifics. If you take your kids out after 6pm in the summer you'll walk past beer gardens and see people acting like fools, they'll hear people swearing outside, they'll watch idiots on youtube if they have tablet access, you can't expect people to insulate your children from the realities of life and hearing some sex noises would be the least of my concern, it's not like they're watching them. If you don't like it you need to live somewhere detached and if that's not possible you need to deal with it like everyone who lives attached to neighbours who make annoying life noises.

Is it a performance for the audience? Some people get off on that.

@flashspeed good point, OP could you just say that they're exercising/drunk/playing music/watching a movie? Something that causes noise?

If your children don't know what sex is, then you could say it's something else?

Start playing Laid by James every time they do it.

I’m just impressed that they’re having sex 2-3 times a week! and they have a baby!🤣

Is this happening in a new build house? You haven't mentioned in any of your OP's. New builds are renowned for shonky, poor insulation. If the issue is upsetting you, I'd get sound insulation options checked out, as a constructive course of action.

Surely not 🙈

This is exactly it.
You may not be able to stop your kids hearing other people having sex and you've got find a way to explain that.
Ideally people shouldn't be having such noisy sex but there is only so much you can do to stop it happening

People should have consideration for others but some don't and sadly we all share a world. Other people would benefit from realising that people are different and live their lives in different ways and perhaps consider becoming less rigid in their thinking, less self satisfied, less defensive and willing to compromise. A sense of humour wouldn't go amiss either.

@willWillSmithsmith You couldn't be more wrong. I gave up on it all almost ten years ago now. And I'm fairly confident that I was never noisy.

Mine is a terrace. Its horrible when the sound starts around 8pm childs bedtime so you want it all quiet and relaxed. Theres nothing you can do to stop it. Sounds like shes filming for pornhub

this is what my neighbours sound like

No, Victorian terrace. No other normal noise carries.

Occasionally hear the toddler crying if I'm in the bathroom.

I'm not unintelligent. My DH is a site manager so I know how some new builds are made. I also don't have any issues.

It's was you who started being sarcastic by asking how my children were made.

I just feel sorry for their baby when it gets older if it's going to be woken by Mum thinking she starring in a remake of Debbie Does Dallas.

😂😂😂

You would think it’s ok to have porn blaring? It’s just rude and entitled, kids shouldn’t have to hear extremely loud sex noises,

Anyway, we all know that people who make that kind of extra racket during sex are acting it up.

Totally. Even really good sex doesn’t need to have people howling like banshees across the neighbourhood, the louder it is the faker it is. Anyone who thinks it’s fine because it’s in their own home and no one else’s business wouldn’t be so happy to hear a rock band playing all day and night in the house next door, or bagpipes at full volume.

Quite!

Totally. Even really good sex doesn’t need to have people howling like banshees across the neighbourhood, the louder it is the faker it is. Anyone who thinks it’s fine because it’s in their own home and no one else’s business wouldn’t be so happy to hear a rock band playing all day and night in the house next door, or bagpipes at full volume

Agree with this. Noone wants to hear that and it doesnt mean anyone is a prude FGS. I'm well happy for people to have great sex- it's wonderful, but I still don't need to hear OTT screaming every flipping day. Just like I wouldnt want to hear thrash metal pounding through my walls.

Would the posters on here who think very loud sex is acceptable, even if neighbours can hear, have loud sex if their own parents were staying the night?

Years ago we had a young woman living next to us who was a screamer. Full on porno 'Fuck me harder' stuff. Our kids were very young at the time and the neighbour's fun was often during the day. I did tell her when I saw her; something along the lines of 'You know our walls are quite thin and we can hear you having sex?' - the screaming stopped. Hopefully she still enjoyed herself