Tell us something awful you did as a kid.

[Friedchickenrocks]

Aged about 8 our grandad was staying with us and I hid his glasses. Nobody thought it was me but he knew. He was literally almost blind for a week and even went poking with his walking stick down the loo. "I know it's her. I just know it, little bitch" Eventually they magically re-appeared on the sideboard. I never did own up and my mum never thought it could possibly be her blue eyed girl.

🤮🤮🤮

Aged about 10 maybe, my parents would leave me home alone while they went to my older brothers sports tournaments. I told them there had been a man hanging around out the front and he'd been watching me and following me I described him and the car in great detail. They called the police and it turned into this big thing. I don't know why I did it, wanting attention I guess but I felt guilty whenever they'd relay it to anyone.

Threw my brothers treasured piece of bunting down the drain (that Princess Diana had touched). I chucked a lot of things down that drain actually.

I understood your message and absolutely got the bit about the jaggy~grey eraser ! and the crinkle cut scissors.

Written in a somewhat ''Trainspotting'' free flowing way but I understood it.

@oakleaffy and another-thankyou.I HATE feeling the need to-i am/maybe now was-educated- learning to write/type /remember ANYTHING is-a blessing. i dont want or needy share even that much.but just the "i can read its" or scroll n ignore is SO much encouragement.thankyou.

Your poor grandad, that’s hilarious

When I was 14 I wrote and printed out a letter saying my parents had won a mobile phone and posted it to our home address. They were so excited. This was the late 90s so phones were a big deal. I have no idea why I did it as clearly I wasn't able to produce the goods so just had to come clean after a few days.

Will people please stop sharing stories of animals & Insects being harmed?

I have told this before.

Dad got me a transistor radio and it has a case with a strap on it. I would swing it around like a character I saw on the tv. The damn strap broke and Dad found out. He wanted to know who had broken it. I said my little brother. The poor sod was crying "I didn't do it!". Readers, I felt every slap!

I nibbled all the chocolate off a little pile of Maltesers, and handed them to my gran, saying sweetly, "Want to try one of these, Grandma?"
"Ooh, they look interesting! " she said, and she was just about to eat one when my sister stopped her!

I’ve thought hard to think of something awful I did as a kid off the back of this thread but I don’t think I did anything noteworthy at all. How boring.

On the plus side I think I’ve finally figured out why my older brother always absolutely despised me - I must have been an insufferable sneeze of a child.

I actually think SausageRoll58's story is made up. It's like a bad Roald Dahl book. Weird fantasists on here thinking about killing people...

Sorry to derail the thread but I loved those padded cards! The three main newsagents local to where I grew up had them and I never (or only once!) got them. And the cards with the metal keys for 18th/21st! They all seemed so grown up!

I also used to put empty Smarties tubes onto my white cat's legs then he'd walk like a robot. Also put my mums makeup on him. Jimmy Carr said once that he did the Smarties tube thing on his cat as well.
I once Tippexed out the speech balloons in my nephew's Beano or Dandy & rewrote it all with much swearing eg Dennis the Menace shouting at Gnasher 'fck off you mangey cnt'. My brother in law wondered why my nephew was laughing so much so he read it and was in fits of laughter too. I possibly had the makings of a future Viz employee.
Said Nephew used to set fire to stuff dumped in alleys like sofas or cabinets when he was around 10 but luckily just grew out of it.
My freind hated her baby brother so much she coloured his whole head in with an indelible blue marker pen & was in deep trouble afterwards.

It's probably not "awful" but I remember opening all my Christmas presents and wrapping them up again before anyone came downstairs.

When my little sister (let’s call her Rebecca) was late primary school age, she loved trying to shock me. Once, we were in the living room when Rebecca suddenly started doing a Full Monty-style striptease. She hummed the first few bars of “You Sexy Thing”, whilst whipping off her top and throwing it across the room.

Then we realised that Grandma was in the room, looking a bit startled. (She lived nearby and had the habit of wandering into our house without knocking). Grandma said, “OH! … Hello, Rebecca” and my embarrassed sister felt she had no choice but to stand there topless, chatting to Grandma. Not that my sister said much.

”Rebecca” is now in her 30s and HATES being reminded of this.

I opened my sister's Christmas presents weeks before Christmas and held the threat of the big reveal over her until the big day.

I'm sure my mum loved them too, probably more before I defaced them 🙈

You can put a sort of spike attachment on to a bicycle pump, for inflating footballs.

It fits a frog's arse...

Threw next door's tortoise down a long flight of stone steps to see if it would bounce.

Aged three...

Have felt dreadful for decades.

Why would you post that? Ffs.

I was visiting with my Mum a posh friend of hers. The house was immaculate and she was a real snob.
I was warned to be on my best behaviour.
I still don't know why I did this, but when I had to use their massively OTT cloakroom, filled with frills and glitz, I squatted down and pissed a little on their pink fluffy carpet

I locked my nana in a cupboard once, little did I know she actually had cancer I was about 5 at the time, she died when I was 7, I also got her wool & put it all around her living room it was like a spiders web, I feel so bloody awful about it now. I was forever the child that has their hands in cupboards & drawers too finding things, I was just so nosey.

I also ate my sisters advent calendar as well as my own & told her here were skeletons in the cupboard at the end of her bed, she refused to go to sleep & ended up sleeping in my parents bed for a few nights.

I would save my dinner money up each week & then use it to buy cigarettes & booze on a Friday night.

Was at my GParents house, think I must have been around 10 and there was a scratched scratch card on one of the shelves of their cabinet. There was still some silver not scratched, so I scratched the silver off, then read something along the lines of ‘card void if scratched’! In a panic I tore the card up and flushed it down the toilet.

I can’t remember how much he had won, what the card was, or why I didn’t just own up, but I remember my Grandad hunting high and low for it. My face must have read GUILTY but he never gave me grief about it.

Me and my sisters when we were preteens were stopping at my nans house. It was scary upstairs where the only toilet was and we were sleeping downstairs on the sofas. We were all busting for a wee but did not dare go upstairs so we tried to have a wee in the kitchen sink but couldn't quite managed. Out of desperation we moved one of the sofas and took a pee and then moved the sofa back. Not sure if it was discovered as it was never mentioned.

Good grief the moaning Myrtles on here! There's only one I've read that I found disturbing and it wasn't any of the ones you've picked up on! I didn't find the things the person had done as a child disturbing, but how they write about themselves as an adult. I can sniff out a narc a mile away.
I have absolutely loved this thread. The best posts for me were no milk, I'm sick of the crap, Disneyland runaway and hope your have a shit Christmas. Hilarious!