Would you leave your almost 18 year old for ten days to go on holiday?

[MissMillyMollyMandyy]

He's not remotely interested in coming and we do plenty with him anyway so we are thinking that this year we will go away for what will be ten days. Holiday on the Caribbean

First time I've ever left him for any length of time - there was a few days last year when we went to Portugal - I know, I know! But this isn't a deliberate thing, just how it's worked out

He's sensible on the whole. He will be 3 weeks off his 18th when we go away. However he is a very typical teen and will he take the opportunity to have a little skive off college and his part time job? Perhaps. Can't say for sure he won't. But overall, he's relatively sensible

I'd have my best friend popping in every day to ensure the cat has been fed properly and that he's not left every door unlocked and his 25 year sister is also local and will pop in and check he's ok regularly

Not quite sure why I feel anxious. It's not an all consuming anxiety and it's probably peri menopause driven tbh but I just want to feel relaxed about leaving him

So, would you trot off without a concern? Or would you be wanting to make sure all bases were covered so you could relax a bit?

We are all so different. We have just booked 10 days in Africa WiTH our teens. Recognising we are on borrowed time with them. They are increasingly travelling alone with friends, and will eventually stop possibly or reduce their travel with us. At seventeen we want to make the most of their last few years with us! Such a shame to fast track that stage. Soon they will be gone…

I'd feel confident leaving my just turned 18yo. She had college and a job and I'd trust her to attend both as needs the money to run her car. She is capable of cooking and doing all the chores needed for a couple weeks.

OP has already said that her son doesn't want to go.

Yes its sad.

There are so many red flags here, you both need to up your game.
He needs to grow up and take responsibility for getting himself to college etc.
You need to chill out and LET him! Fancy getting your sister to come and wash the cats bowl... way to tell him you don't trust him. He probably thinks there's no point doing stuff because you'll undermine him anyway.
I'd be worried about a 17yo with no interest in seeing the world or going to uni. It's time to encourage him to spread his wings and make the most of his life, not to keep treating him like a child who can't rinse a bowl out.

If you can’t even trust him to feed the cat then I think you are right to feel anxious….

I was left at that age at home for a week doing A level revision whilst parents and younger siblings went on holiday and it was a lonely limbo tbh. I was perfectly good at looking after myself physically but lack of routine, social interaction affected me. I didn't do well in my A levels. I saw friends to revise etc but it was a strange time. I would never leave my children now in their twenties in that sort of set up. With housemates or at uni fine but alone in family house is just too odd. You think it will be great but unless you are incredibly self reliant already it's just too lonely unless someone is living there too.

Threads like this really surprise me. There was another today about "letting" a 17 year old do certain things.

Of course you can go on holiday without him. I was at university and working at 17. I'm really shocked at how incapable young adults are becoming. At 17/18 he should very much have his own life and be getting on with things by himself in addition to spending time with family.

Yes, and when you went to University you were no doubt surrounded by other young people and living in halls. Your "gasp" just makes you sound ridiculous.

I left ds at just after his 17th for 9 days. No one around except a friend 10 min away who he knew he could go to in emergency. He had a pt job, would go to work. Come back, go in pool or chill in sun. Have few mates round. Only ones i knew and agreed to. Or go bowling etc with mates. Cooked simple foods or ordered food we left a debit card.
House was as we left it except hoovering wasn't done.
He loved it. I constantly watched the cctv to make surehe was home safe or not partying lol

I don't need to trust you. I did it myself, aged 16/17. I loved having the place to myself. Making my own decisions what to eat, watching what I wanted on TV. Just the independence and no obligation to account for anything I was doing. I still remember it well, and entirely positively.

It s not infantilisation to worry. People who go to uni or get married are in a social structure, hopefully, and that's not the same as being by yourself in a family house.

So why did you waste everyone's time then?

He can get married or join the army yet he can't manage without his mum for 10 days ! Jeeze your future DIL is going to blame you for raising a man child.

Good grief i lived alone and had a baby at 18. Leaving him alone for 10 days will be fine!

i would say yes but he cant make a sandiwc seriously?

So he's got three women 'looking after him' every day. Three women who he's perfectly capable of contacting if he actually needs something. Good grief. The mollycoddling is insane.

And we wonder why so many men expect women to take responsibility for them.

People who go to uni or get married are in a social structure, hopefully, and that's not the same as being by yourself in a family house.

He'll be going to college and to work, where he'll presumably be seeing and interacting with people, will be able to ask a friend if s/he fancies going for a coffee or getting something to eat or sharing a takeaway at home, or even staying the night. He's not going to be totally isolated and cut off from human contact for ten days.

@saraclara excellent point.

He's asked to stay at home. He's not having 10 days in solitary confinement- he can see mates, go to work etc. He's having a taste of independence.

Apart from health reasons, if you're 17/18 year old isn't looking to spread their wings and have independence something has gone wrong. It's our job as parents to create people who go into the world and can look after themselves.

It isn't sad at all. It's completely normal to not want to be in your parents pocket all of the time at 18.

He has college, he has a job and he'll have his sister checking in on him.

This thread is insane. 🤦‍♀️
18 year old ffs

At 18 I would have died rather than go anywhere with my parents!

Yeah absolutely. I was pregnant at that age, responsible for another life!

Ah, you again. 😂

Curious - what if the OPs son was 18 and 1 day?