Would you leave your almost 18 year old for ten days to go on holiday?

[MissMillyMollyMandyy]

He's not remotely interested in coming and we do plenty with him anyway so we are thinking that this year we will go away for what will be ten days. Holiday on the Caribbean

First time I've ever left him for any length of time - there was a few days last year when we went to Portugal - I know, I know! But this isn't a deliberate thing, just how it's worked out

He's sensible on the whole. He will be 3 weeks off his 18th when we go away. However he is a very typical teen and will he take the opportunity to have a little skive off college and his part time job? Perhaps. Can't say for sure he won't. But overall, he's relatively sensible

I'd have my best friend popping in every day to ensure the cat has been fed properly and that he's not left every door unlocked and his 25 year sister is also local and will pop in and check he's ok regularly

Not quite sure why I feel anxious. It's not an all consuming anxiety and it's probably peri menopause driven tbh but I just want to feel relaxed about leaving him

So, would you trot off without a concern? Or would you be wanting to make sure all bases were covered so you could relax a bit?

@lifebeginsaftercoffee alas, he doesn't feel strongly about cat bowls being cleaned

Yes he's absolutely fine with his sister and a family friend coming in.

@CurlewKate he can. And he will.

I would have left my eldest at that age but not my DD who will be 18 in July. I wouldn’t leave at her 18 either… not all kids suddenly become mature and responsible overnight cos they’re suddenly 18 and an ‘adult’

She could choose to move out at eighteen!

Hell no, 🎉🎉🎉

If you are so sure things will be fine, just go, the cat won’t die, your kid will survive, your police relatives will allocate resources to prioritise checking on him if he worries he may have his bike stolen even if there is someone who has been just battered or raped on the other end of town (that happens here, all the bloody time) we even have a very aggressive professional dog walker who threatens other walkers if they want to report her for having dogs out of control unleashed in parks, she says that her brother is a policeman so if you report her the police will make you regret it.

So just go, no need to convince people that he will be fine even if he cannot even feed a cat that surely goes to have a second breakfast with the neighbour. You know he will be fine, no need to convince people you don’t even know that he will be.

No I wouldn't

Many don’t want to though, it’s a choice. My 18 year old is deferring uni because she doesn’t feel ready to leave home. It’s fine, she doesn’t need to.

@MissMillyMollyMandyy "CurlewKate he can. And he will."

But he isn't. Because someone's coming in to check on him. I find that a bit shocking, to be honest.

We left ours when they got to 17 and 18. One only still came at 17 because we were going somewhere exciting for that trip. Otherwise, they'd have preferred to stay at home as well.

Sorry you're so shocked @CurlewKate can't really help you there!

@NotAgainWilson yes you're right. I think it's myself I'm convincing!

OK, thank you all. Some really good points made and I'm feeling more positive about it and what I'll put in place.

Thanks again!!

Absolutely not. At best he will miss college and work, but can you be confident thst he will lock up properly when he leaves the house, turn things off etc. But the main reason I wouldn't have left my daughter home on her own was that I wouldn't have trusted her not to have had a party and let the house get trashed. I've seen many similar threads on Mumsnet where people insist that teens don't have huge house parties the moment their parents are out of the way any more, but just this morning I was reading an article on BBC news about a house party that got out of control with hundreds of young people turning up when someone advertised it on social media. It's too easy to invite a few friends round and for things to get out of hand very quickly. Your friend and older daughter won't be much help if they're faced with 100 drunk and stoned teenagers at 1 in the mornjng!

I'd have my best friend popping in every day to ensure the cat has been fed properly and that he's not left every door unlocked and his 25 year sister is also local and will pop in and check he's ok regularly
I'm stunned that so few parents on here see their 17 yrs+ (NT) DC as capable of semi independent living.
I have always thought I'm a bit tempted to 'helicopter', but I would see it as failing in my parenting role had I not equipped my 18 year old to manage living in the family home without me for a few weeks.

The cat will be fine if her bowl isn't washed properly for a week, honestly.

I'm glad he's okay with it but I would have felt incredibly patronised and embarrassed if I was in his position and my mum felt the need to have two people coming into check on me everyday.

He'll be 18 a week after you leave. SN aside, if you genuinely don't trust him to lock up and feed a cat for week, something has gone very, very wrong IMO.

Exactly.

And then we wonder why there are so many threads on here about useless young people who can't do anything for themselves...

I've always looked at these threads with interest when my teens were 17/18.

Lots of people will say "yes, it's absolutely fine, I had a baby and my own flat at 17 ffs" but I never did with my teens.

DD was fine because she always wanted to come on holiday with us anyway (and still does at 23, love her).

DS did not want to holiday with us but I wouldn't leave him alone for that long so we went on shorter holidays in France and he came with us for part of that. We would leave him at home for 2 or 3 days alone but not longer than that. But that's our DS - despite the bravado and teen moodiness, he actually hates being in the house alone (still does) and he would have just invited people round every night, pretty much trashed the house and get himself locked out. He was just not mature or responsible enough.

Gosh I know everyone is different but our 17 year old Niece is currently off working abroad and both DH and I had permanently left home (him for a country he didn't speak the language of) by 19 so I'm a bit taken aback by the reluctance of some respondents to leave an almost 18 year old safely at home with family and friend support daily!

Go OP, have a wonderful holiday!

@LindorDoubleChoc I hear you. And I'm more in line with you i think. This is a big decision for me because yeah he's sensible but he's also lazy, exasperating and yep, needs to know he is still being looked out for

Absolutely this. I’m a bit gobsmacked that you even need to ask tbh.

Truly amazed.

I've left my now 18 year old DD home alone since she was 16.5 for up to 2.5 weeks at a time (I regularly travel for business + I'm a single mum). She has been absolutely fine and I barely give it a second thought now. It is probably down to the child though, she is very responsible and independent and we've had no issues with parties etc!

I left my 18 year old DD to work abroad for 8 months. Two of her friends lived in the house as lodgers. They had a few parties, but didn't wreck the house. Everything was fine and she enjoyed the independence. Her DF lived in the same town, so was around in case of emergencies, but the girls pretty much just got on with it. So, leaving an 18 year old for a 10 day holiday? Crack on and enjoy yourselves.

I'd have left him last year, but with mocks and apprenticeship and uni applications and visits, and his driving test fast approaching, I wouldn't leave him longer than a few days until after exams now.

If he doesn't want to go I will

Yeah he may not go to college every day or feed himself properly but he needs to learn some independence soon surely? I moved out just after I turned 18 was working and living in a flat with others. I cant imagine being utterly incapable of looking after myself at that age. Go enjoy yourself!

No, I wouldn't but I know others who have done similar and it's worked out ok.