Envy is everywhere

[Lentilweaver]

I don't know if anyone has felt this, but am sensing a deep envy in my immediate circle, between those who have less and those who have more. And then I come onto MN and half the posts are about posters not getting inheritance, or earnng less than they think they should, or not getting childcare from parents... It's so divisive and miserable.

Yep. I think it’s reflective of the divide between rich and poor that’s becoming deeper than ever at the moment.

Yep, see it everywhere I go.

I am not rich. But I am not poor either. A friend who is single and possibly struggling more than I am, made some snide comments about how I have things easy, and I am feeling rather attacked. I don't want to go into detail, but I have expenses she does not know about ( DC , for one).

Yes I agree, it's two tiered. I am stupidly jealous of the weather girl on the tv. What she is wearing and what I imagine her life is like

What I don’t understand is what such people want those who are well off or who do get inheritances to actually do?
Fall off the earth? Give it all away? Just discreetly get on with life and never mention it?

I haven't got an inheritance. Everything I have, DH or I have worked for. If I had, I wouldn't mention it. I never talk about money any more.

I am not jealous of people who have inheritances though as no doubt I have something they don't have. Like reasonably good health, for one. Which is priceless.

I don't see it so much as envy, rather anger at inequality and the lack of awareness that a lot of privileged people have about their wealth (see all the threads about VAT and private schools).

If people put more thought into their own lived than they compare with others they may find they are happier and lose the chip on their shoulder they carry constantly

When the chips have been loaded against you it's hard not to carry a few around

Inequality sucks

You are complaining that your friend is complaining.

You have made a divisive and miserable post about everything being so divisive and miserable.

Have you ever looked in the mirror?

You are right OP, and it does no-one any good.

I'm not rich either, but when I do finally achieve something - this week a refurbed bathroom after years of living with broken shower, dodgy plumbing etc - it gives me so much pleasure.

I read a thread on here by someone who couldn't conceive a bathroom could be achieved at less than £15k and two weeks work. Yet I'm sure I'll get more pleasure than she will.

I agree that it's best not to talk about it. We are comfortable (partly due to being very careful with money) but not rich, everything we have we have work for.
I have a colleague who recently had a relative die, someone they had no contact with in years but her DH is inheriting the whole estate. She keeps going on about it, it's a reasonable amount and they will be able to be mortgage free when he gets it. I wish she wouldn't talk about it as we have another colleague who has to live very frugally as has very little. It can't be easy for her to constantly here about all this spare money they will have, when she has to watch every penny she spends. I try not to talk about money at work as am consues it can't be easy for her. Also don't really want everyone knowing my personal financial stuff.

To add, my friend and I are in the same profession.

She has a house in London inherited from her mum. I have received nothing from my parents ( no complaints).

I have a decently earning DH which she seems to think is better, and keeps commenting " Well you have a husband to help you and spoil you with treats, and i don't". I could add "Well you inherited a house, which I didn't".

I don't know what she expects me to do about the Dh. It's hard to conceal him under the carpet.

Very few people have everything. Friends are a resource. So is good health. It isn't only money that counts in life.

No one has everything. Some very rich people are miserable for example due to family fall outs.

I think a lot of the envy I see is perfectly understandable. Over the past 15 years or so, I've watched poverty and destitution increase massively and attitudes towards the "have-nots" in society become increasingly harsh. I live a fairly comfortable life, but I'm very aware that if my younger self were to be in today's circumstances, I'd be struggling. I'm no more capable or hard-working or ambitious or good with money than many people who are stuck in poverty and being lectured at about how it's their fault, and in their position I'd be full of envy, too.

I'm not even sure if "envy" is the right word. It implies a character flaw on the part of the person feeling it. Maybe, a sense of injustice?

I don't want to live in a society where people accept poverty and destitution and ill-health and life chances being massively affected by family wealth and connections as something normal and inevitable. I want more people to think that it's not right, because without that, things won't get better.

Yes I assist people to claim benefits and so many calls that come in are people who just seem bitter that ' people who don't work get everything so why shouldn't I get something'. They sit talking to others at bingo or the pub and decide they will then have a go at trying to get a motorbility car or a disability benefit, even when there is no way they will even meet the criteria. They all want to hide assets so they don't get used for care, they quibble over every last penny they think they've been cheated out of, everyone claims to ' have paid taxes my whole life and get nothing back and never claimed anything before .

These people maybe jealous, but they are not being malicious, so hardly envious.

being jealous at times is a natural process at times, sometimes it can spur us on to make changes

envy is not only negative but can be a very destructive mindset

"Spoil you with treats" ugh! It makes you sound like a puppy.
Obviously a decent husband can be a great asset but that particular description turned my stomach.

People have a tendancy to compare upwards. I find it much healthier for my mental state to frame it the other way.

OP it sounds like you and your friend are comfortably enough off with homes, jobs and family. Most people would wonder why you're worrying about any of this when you could be counting your blessings.

When I read about how lucky people are with inheritances I always think they have lost someone who loved them enough to give them their worldly goods. Hard to envy that.

It's not so much envy as despair. Successive governments - Tory and New Labour - have created desperate inequality by putting the absolute basics in life out of the reach of so many while protecting unearned income and windfalls. Poverty isn't something you can work your way out of any more. Poverty is expensive and profiteering is rife - and many people are living with housing insecurity, at the mercy of the whims and fancies of 'accidental' landlords.

But it's understandable in the current economic climate. When the absolute basics - a roof over your head, heating in a cold climate, fresh water etc are so expensive that two average wages struggle to pay for them, it's no wonder people start to feel sick with envy for those who can afford holidays and renovations and meals out. The divide has nothing whatsoever to do with work ethic. It has to do largely with when you were born. My dad used to boast about what a shrewd investor he was. No, he just bought a terraced house in London and when my gran died my mum used her inheritance to buy a little house too. You could in those days. Tiny terraced houses in Zone 2 were 30k. He retired at 55 with a healthy pension from a uni job.

These days uni lecturers are on zero hours contracts not salaries and that tiny terraced house would be 900k.

The inequality is insane and that leads to envy.

It's a bit less when you were born - increasingly it's if you end up with an inheritance

There are a lot of younger people who are very well off with homes and holidays

inheritance rather than age is the biggest predictor of wealth

( and age is a funny one - your wealthiest time is the day before you start drawing pensions, the really older people tend to have less , unless they have property - which nine times out of ten turns into inheritance)

Actually next time do say that to her. Maybe she will stop.

Like you everything we have is because we worked for it and I want apologise for what I spend my money on to anyone.