Envy is everywhere

[Lentilweaver]

I don't know if anyone has felt this, but am sensing a deep envy in my immediate circle, between those who have less and those who have more. And then I come onto MN and half the posts are about posters not getting inheritance, or earnng less than they think they should, or not getting childcare from parents... It's so divisive and miserable.

We have blind applications, DEI policies, spotlight on gender pay gap. None of these are perfect but certainly a leap from 30 years ago. Times are hard but there are unique opportunities today that those that came before did not have

This! The parents of the ones they envy could have had better things, back to back cruises, sold their house and blown it, taken equity release whatever. Instead they passed a lot of it on. If your parents couldn’t do that ok fine, but if they didn’t but could have, have a word with mum and dad. Other peoples family sacrifices are none of your business.

how do you force your parents to have financial prudence? People are incredibly short sighted, is it a lack of education? People not feeling they can succeed by education & job alone is not good for society.

@newmummycwharf1 everything i’ve read said social mobility is going backwards. What have you seen that says it’s improving?

What are the unique opportunities today to improve one’s birth circumstances for example?

You cant force your parents but you can force yourself so your own kids benefit. When we know better, we do better. If we all mind the business that pays us - overall, the next generation will be better off

Today's porter may well become a CEO in 20 years

If you say so…

No one's life is perfect. I have some things some people might be envious of and other things in my life are shit and I envy others

One thing that I do find tedious is people moaning that others are envious of them.

I certainly dont demand that White people acknowledge their privilege to me or anyone else. We all have privilege depending on the context. No one is entitled to insist I am privileged based on their perspective. How odd

So your saying that white privilege does exist but it also doesn’t, 👍

We need to focus on equality of opportunity and improving access to these opportunities. Social mobility is a wierd concept to me because it implies people moving up some social hierarchy, which implies others have to move down.

And focusing on what one can control - education, work ethic, financial prudence may not result in an asset-rich lifestyle but should result in ability to build a life with some comforts and a foundation for the next generation.

I’m a 2nd gen immigrant, my parents had nothing & worked hard. The fact they are millionaires is still largely because they bought in a rough part of London that went through incredible gentrification. I’ve had many set backs in life but the fact I had a great education & a 6 fig sum to enable me to buy a house in London & work p/t makes me privileged and in turn my dc are very privileged as they get to go to great schools & will be helped onto the ladder etc. I’m certainly not Jeff Bezos but that doesn’t mean i’m not privileged

Social mobility is a wierd concept to me because it implies people moving up some social hierarchy, which implies others have to move down.

That makes sense, it’s a bit pointless to argue about social mobility with someone who doesn’t recognise it!

And focusing on what one can control - education, work ethic, financial prudence may not result in an asset-rich lifestyle but should result in ability to build a life with some comforts and a foundation for the next generation.

How does one control the above? Take education, certainly the best schools in London are often private or in areas with incredibly high house prices. Do you understand that assets are essential for building wealth to support future generations?

Many people are struggling right now, yet social media is full of celebrities and influencers showing off lavish holidays, cars and clothing. Some people are tone deaf, constantly showing their exotic holiday pics on Facebook. It may be nice to share occasionally, but in all honesty, many people really aren't interested (save it for family).

Brilliant. Now, God forbid there was something else in your life that made you feel not privileged. Say for example : racism. And someone came along and insisted you have to acknowledge your privilege?

It is like a single mum complaining about difficulties feeding her children and I pop along with 'well you live in England with good infrastructure and benefits. You are privileged. I have family in Nigeria living 10 to a room. Acknowledge your privilege mate'. Most would call me out on that.

We ALL have privilege in some context. Insisting that someone acknowledges their privilege does not add or enrich this conversation

I would rather have my loved ones still here any day...

I would rather have my loved ones still here any day...

Who wouldn’t?

Too many examples of people doing what they can with what they have got. Even from average/below average state schools. Eye on the prize. And yes, there are many things that need to change systemically but envy/jealousy are not helpful emotions to either effect personal or systemic change

@newmummycwharf1 Im not sure what you are not understanding. I never said I was privileged in all areas of my life but that doesn’t mean I don’t have privilege. I am able to recognise that though so we will just have to agree to disagree.

You cannot force your parents, agreed. But that still is not the fault of your privileged friends whose parents did think ahead. That is not luck, their parents almost always put plans in place.

Too many examples of people doing what they can with what they have got. Even from average/below average state schools. Eye on the prize. And yes, there are many things that need to change systemically but envy/jealousy are not helpful emotions to either effect personal or systemic change

This is where the whole concept of social mobility comes in, perhaps you should read about it….
Personally I can understand why someone might be envious of my dc. As I said before growing inequality is not good for anyone.

You cannot force your parents, agreed. But that still is not the fault of your privileged friends whose parents did think ahead. That is not luck, their parents almost always put plans in place.

Its luck of birth though? DH & I could each inherit 1m plus without putting any plans in place. That doesn’t mean my parents were more prudent than yours.

Eye on the prize

I don’t need to have my eye of the prize nor do my dc because we have a safety net. That’s the point! Someone else can have their eye on the prize & still not achieve what I have which isn’t progressive.

It’s social media in my opinion. Basically lots of social media is showing off as I used to know it growing up. It makes others feel crap and compare their cutting room floor with everyone else’s show reel.

I'm financially ok - my DH died and our insurances paid off the hefty stretching ourselves mortgage, plus lump sum, plus a sum for each of our children (saving for house deposits). I also got a generous death in service payment from his employers

am I lucky? i dunno .... what i do know is that earlier in our marriage in smaller house we didn't have any insurances because we couldn't afford on top of mortgage and childcare. Jobs not as many perks so no payouts there - would have been another story financially

we were certainly luckier to be able to afford insurance payments in the first place and acutely aware others can't.

i do get snide comments from time to time though - cost of living not an issue for me etc

Surely who you are born to is the biggest throw of the dice? That is luck!

@smilingeleanor I have 2 friends who were ill in their 20s, one with cancer & the other had a heart issue (was born with it but never detected). As they got a bit older they could not get life insurance or rather the premiums were ridiculous. They do at least have good jobs with good death in service & sick benefits which enabled them to recover but it made me realise how different the situation must be for those on zero hours. I’m sorry you lost your DH.