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How old were you when you lost your virginity?

687 replies

Soubriquet · 21/02/2024 10:39

And if you have children old enough, how old were they?

I keep hearing about how kids are losing their virginity younger and younger now so I was curious to know how old you were, compared to your children.

I was 17. Dh was 13.

DD is 10 and still at the age where anything sexual grosses her out (thank god). They are currently doing sex education at school at the moment and she comes home horrified every time

OP posts:
SerafinasGoose · 22/02/2024 18:09

medianewbie · 22/02/2024 09:27

Yes, Trigger Warnings are there for a reason & I'm sorry if you have felt triggered (I sometimes do too & it can be hard). But surely most would realise that a thread discussing '1st sex' is going to include people, like myself, whose 1st sexual experience was CSA ? I didn't include my age in case 'it upset people' but, actually, I should feel 'ok' to include it. I was <5.
It happens, right through society, & acknowledging that is, generally, useful.
I have found it useful to read other people's experiences of (much later, consensual) 1st sexual experiences
It's helpful for all of us to read about our differences - because helps us also remember our similarities - we are all women deserving of respect. Self respect (hard to gain & maintain in a world that still values us as sexual commodities to the extent that we still discuss 'losing our virginities').
We can pass that RESPECT message down to our daughters, & our sons, & in 25 years a similar thread might hopefully contain less 'regretful' posts.

What a great post. There has been a culture of silencing victims for far too long. This is precisely the reason women feel unable to talk about it; why so many crimes go unreported and the perpetrators get off scot free. It makes society uncomfortable, so we internalise that shame and carry it as our own. We are punished twice: once by the abuse and again by the censure we experience as a result of it. And that's without even getting into the legal position for the few who do report it.

#MeToo came as a relief to the many, many women who, as a result of that collectively shared experiences, no longer felt quite so alone. Some had never spoken of it before, and had bottled it up for decades. One of the saddest things about that movement - unfortunately the scale of it came as no surprise - was the immediate pushback and determination to stop women speaking openly about their experiences. They were 'jumping on the bandwagon'. Why wait all this time to report/speak about it? They were attention-seeking. They were probably lying anyway. All is rhetoric with which every victim of abuse will be all-too familiar. The reason they often don't report is the fear that they won't be believed - and the response to #MeToo/#TimesUp showed why that fear is palpable and very real.

That culture needs to change, because this is endemic. Nearly every woman has more than one story with varying degrees of severity to tell. Silence only protects the perpetrators.

My heart goes out to all those with unresolved trauma. I know, far too well, what that's like. And in some senses, 'triggers' can be a good thing. They can show us where there are issues: for eg. they helped me to a diagnosis of cPTSD, which is eminently treatable, and with that I felt I'd been thrown a lifebelt. There is now very effective therapy available for trauma.

I'm sorry you were triggered. No one who's spoken about this kind of history on this thread has set out to offend anyone. By the same token, I'm not going to apologise for talking about it. It took me nigh-on 25 years to come to a point where I felt able to do so. I'm no longer willing to perpetuate that culture of shame surrounding victims - that 'nice people' don't talk about this no matter what - and there might be a possibility that these experiences might help someone else.

I'd rather help other victims with openness than help the abusers by maintaining my silence.

FreddieMercurysCat · 22/02/2024 18:12

I was 18. My DH says 13. My eldest I think was 17. My youngest is 9 so don’t have to worry about that shit just yet with him.

SashaPicklepops · 22/02/2024 18:13

20 was happy to wait, I had a friend who was pregnant at 13, it put me off.

ILoveCats89 · 22/02/2024 18:16

I was 13. My DP was 11

Lindyloomillion1 · 22/02/2024 18:34
  1. Boyfriend was 20 something
riceuten · 22/02/2024 18:40

18 - nearly 19.

Anon39 · 22/02/2024 18:43

14 and my bf was 17 this was normal for my peer group (90’s). Certainly wasn’t what I thought it was going to be and we only went out for about a year and then I never bothered with a sexual relationship again until I was nearly 17.

I hope my children are more educated than I was my eldest is 25 now and he is getting married this year as far as I am aware he has only had three partners. My youngest is only 14 and still very much dislikes girls in general.

Nightjar33 · 22/02/2024 18:57

17 was the right age for me 1978.
I had three sons and as a nurse worked in sexual health and shared a lot of info with them about safe sex (general not confidential). Also tried to remind them about respecting women.
I think kids are too young at thirteen and would be terrified if my granddaughter's thought it was ok when they reach that age.

rosegoldJune · 22/02/2024 19:06

I was 14 nearly 15 my bf at the time was 20, in this day & age he would be on a register, yet my parents didn’t bat an eyelid over our relationship, I feel utterly ashamed now looking back at how young I was.

Nanalisa60 · 22/02/2024 19:08

14 just

celticprincess · 22/02/2024 19:28

Geekynzmum · 22/02/2024 17:49

I was 16 and it was with my boyfriend at the time who was the same age. My mum kept accusing us of having had sex already, so I figured why not just do it as she already thought we were.
Dh was also 16 and his was with an older woman.
DD is 11 and disgusted by the thought of anything like that, so hopefully that will continue a fair few years yet! 😂

I think my mum was convinced I was was having sec too. She had me put on the pill due to my heavy periods and severe acne but I’m also sure from more recent comments she was worried about pregnancy. Yes I had a serious boyfriend at the time but we weren’t having sex. We did show quite a lot of PDA though so maybe they assumed things were going further.

celticprincess · 22/02/2024 19:30

rosegoldJune · 22/02/2024 19:06

I was 14 nearly 15 my bf at the time was 20, in this day & age he would be on a register, yet my parents didn’t bat an eyelid over our relationship, I feel utterly ashamed now looking back at how young I was.

I recall a girl in my form won’t with at high school had an older boyfriend who had already left school. We were 13 when we started high school and from what she told us she was definitely sleeping with him. They were together at least up until our GCSEs but after that all those who stayed in for 6th form were mixed up in tutor groups so lost touch with her. No idea if they stayed together or not. But he would have definitely been committing an offence.

StoatofDisarray · 22/02/2024 19:31
  1. I don't have kids.
Shanda5 · 22/02/2024 19:41
  1. Really positive experience with a lovely guy the same age.

My husband was 14!

PetuniaT · 22/02/2024 19:56

Knitgoodwoman · 21/02/2024 11:12

I was 18, my brother was 14 which I thought was very young at the time!

Perhaps you should clarify your statement!

Annymania · 22/02/2024 19:58

19 my wedding night and my ex husband too, he was 21

Redhothoochycoocher · 22/02/2024 20:05
  1. I was the last of my friendship group. Felt very old but it was right for me and I'm glad I didn't feel any pressure.

DH 15 and he's said similar, it was the right time for him.

Neither of us were in a relationship with the other person either.

ChillerBee · 22/02/2024 20:05

I was 15. Just a bit earlier than most of my friends.

DH was 12. Makes me sad to think about. He met an older girl on a family camping holiday who told him “that’s what everyone does when they’re going out.” He doesn’t seem to regret it but does hope our DS and DD will be older.

bellocchild · 22/02/2024 20:09

18, between school and university. The age of majority was still 21.

Allthatwegotisthispalebluedot · 22/02/2024 20:19

15 - i was a bit younger than some of my friends at the time, but certainly not the first by any stretch of the imagination. I don’t regret it or even think of it at all anymore (although I definitely would not sleep with the same person again now! Haha).

The idea of ‘virginity’ as a concept is vomit inducing though. I didn’t ‘lose’ anything. I just had sex. I didn’t even think of it as a very big deal at the time either tbh. It was just something I did for the first time.

StopStartStop · 22/02/2024 20:23

I cannot understand why 'virginity' has suddenly surfaced as a issue again. I think it's because of men's rights nonsense. We'd got to the stage where it was hardly spoken of and people were beginning to understand it's irrelevant and not worth making a fuss about. It's as important as 'At what age did you first walk?' At what age did you pass your driving test?' etc 'Virginity' is only an issue where men see women's reproductive capabilities as their property and want to ensure that any children they raise are their own. And they can fuck off.

Nightowl1234 · 22/02/2024 20:24

AbeSimpsonsWhiskeySour · 21/02/2024 11:16

13 and I really really wanted to. This idea that it's all older men coercing young women, I mean agree that a child cannot give consent but it's a tad more complex when it's a 13 year old girl tearing the clothes off a 13 year old boy.

Sorry, but this is so uncomfortable to read. Why and how were you so hyper sexual 13?

ThunderStormFan · 22/02/2024 20:29

i was around 10 (SA) but consensually I was 15 - wish I waited a bit longer but he convinced me we might as well as ‘it’ was gone anyway 🙄

DH was 13 with a girl in his year in the school toilets!

We met years later and are from very different backgrounds but agree for our 3 year old DD, we will be completely open with her, talk about the importance of consent, understanding feelings etc and ultimately give her the power to make informed choices with the person she eventually does ‘take the plunge’ with. Although given my background, we’re also teaching her that we don’t keep secrets as a family and if anyone tells her to keep something ‘secret’, she must tell us…. For the sake of a few potential birthday presents being inadvertently announced whilst she’s young, I’d rather her tell me so I can safeguard her from the shit i had to endure

jualgem · 22/02/2024 20:31

I was not long turned 13 😖 it was normal for the group I was in, but the thought of a girl that age now makes me so sad for younger me 🥺

Judijudi · 22/02/2024 20:34

16 with my 21y old Bf of several months
DSs think they were both 15/16
DH was 15 to his secondary school French teacher

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