Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

How old were you when you lost your virginity?

687 replies

Soubriquet · 21/02/2024 10:39

And if you have children old enough, how old were they?

I keep hearing about how kids are losing their virginity younger and younger now so I was curious to know how old you were, compared to your children.

I was 17. Dh was 13.

DD is 10 and still at the age where anything sexual grosses her out (thank god). They are currently doing sex education at school at the moment and she comes home horrified every time

OP posts:
Dibblydoodahdah · 21/02/2024 18:17

23 - hope my DCs don’t rush into it either.

Vanessashanessajenkins2 · 21/02/2024 18:18

I was 26. My parents are Pakistani so I grew up in a Muslim household where sex with anyone pre marriage is discouraged. I also had vaginismus so it took me time and therapy to overcome that. Really glad I did though as really enjoy having sex now after so many years of wishing I could do it.
My husband lost it at 13.

Bignanny30 · 21/02/2024 18:20

I was 18 . I’m no proud - it was just when it felt right, Which is what I taught my daughter. My daughter was 17 but with the man that she has now been married to for 19 years.

Goatymum · 21/02/2024 18:20

21, dd was 20.

Mintyfreshtulips · 21/02/2024 18:22

i was 23

Lost it to a rockstar so… it was worth it 🤣

BarelyLiterate · 21/02/2024 18:28

18, during my first term at University. That was pretty typical of my peer group in the late 80s.

fiorentina · 21/02/2024 18:38

16 and DH 13. Hoping DC wait until close
to 16 at least.

Janelle7 · 21/02/2024 18:41

17, Ive only ever been with my DH. No other sexual partners

Echobelly · 21/02/2024 18:42

I was 21. I had absolutely no desire to try it before then I was totally grossed out by the whole idea really.

I'd just finished uni and things had suddenly got a bit strained-seeming with a local non-student friend and I think it retrospect it was sudden sexual tension that was resolved at his house at a party! I am very glad it was with a friend I loved and trusted (and still do love and trust) and knew I was emotionally and physically safe with - we were FWB for a bit, but lived 100 miles apart so it was only a few times.

Curious you've heard kids are losing their virginity younger, I thought it was actually going the opposite way - or maybe it is just fewer are having sex. It wouldn't wholly surpise me if the ones who are having sex are having in younger, sadly.

FunLurker · 21/02/2024 18:46

16 bf was 19
My xdh was 19 and that was to me
Now dp was 17
DD1 was 16 same as he then bf
DD2 was 19 to her 24 bf
DS1 was 16 to 16 yo gf
DS2 is 15 and possible already done it with 17 yo girl (not 100% and condoms been supplied)

Shakespearesister · 21/02/2024 18:47

Naptrappedmummy · 21/02/2024 11:09

Me too.

Show quote history

And me

SerafinasGoose · 21/02/2024 18:50

Fifteen. It was rape, although I didn't realize this at the time. It took upwards of two decades to recognise it for what it was.

I was besotted but he didn't care about me: as things transpired it turned out he'd never been into women in the first place. He laughed about it (and my naivety) afterwards and I was mortified. Yet I continued seeing him, and I continued having sex with him, because I was so messed up I didn't understand why and how this was so unbelievably 'off'. I had no respect for myself at all, because my background of abuse had skewed later relationships to the point where it doesn't even occur to a girl that she might be worthy of better treatment than this.

Later that year I was gang-raped by two of his 'friends'.

It's been, shall we say, character forming.

I've shared this story because not all these situations are as they appear. There was no social media or 'revenge porn' sites at the time. Since the 90s I believe things have grown progressively worse for the younger generations, and I have to wonder what would have happened to me if I'd lived this situation through a contemporary setting. The past decade or so has seen a pervasive, insidious creep of pornography into all manner of social media, the degredation of girls and women and an increase in violence towards us, and a rapid backward slide into the sort of misogyny that would have raised a very querulous eyebrow back in the 1990s.

I find it all extremely frightening.

Suchagroovyguy · 21/02/2024 18:52

Really surprised by the number of people in their mid twenties or later. And by the number of people who lost it to their now husbands.

I wonder if it’s the nature of this site, or of the sorts of people who typically frequent online forums?

sweetpickle2 · 21/02/2024 19:03

15, it was horrible. Consensual-ish, but he was much older so statutory rape at the very least. As an adult I'm like... why on earth would a man in his 20s want to sleep with a 15 year old??

We just did it the once, I didn't do it again till I was 19- proper boyfriend, of my own age!

Vettrianofan · 21/02/2024 19:04

TheTecknician · 21/02/2024 18:13

I am a loss for words.

Show quote history

It's fine I have reported my post. Realise now it wasn't appropriate. Sorry for causing any upset. That wasn't my intention.

FasterthanaButteredOtter · 21/02/2024 19:06

Zoobi · 21/02/2024 17:24

24, on my wedding night. My husband was also a virgin.

I always think this sounds like such a recipe for a 2 minute disaster. All that expectation on top of an emotional day, with likely added alcohol. Could be a total anti-climax - literally.

I'm definitely in the Try before you Buy camp.

kaweco · 21/02/2024 19:08

I was 17 and it was to an older guy - he was 25. Quite weird looking back on that - I wouldn't be delighted if it were my daughter tbh. 17 and older guys was quite average for my friendship group at the time.

My eldest DS is 16 and has been seeing his first girlfriend for a couple of months. They seem a lot more innocent than we were at the same age! I'm fairly confident they haven't gone all the way yet...but I've just told him to be careful and respectful when the time comes!

Frankcat19 · 21/02/2024 19:12

I was 15 and DH was 16. Another one who is still with there first and only 25 years later.

Whatsupduc · 21/02/2024 19:13

FasterthanaButteredOtter · 21/02/2024 19:06

I always think this sounds like such a recipe for a 2 minute disaster. All that expectation on top of an emotional day, with likely added alcohol. Could be a total anti-climax - literally.

I'm definitely in the Try before you Buy camp.

Show quote history

Agree. For some reason I came across a lot of Christians at Uni. They were all absolutely against sex before marriage. One left after the first year because she got pregnant. One married straight after uni full of hope and expectation about how wonderful sex was going to be. I met her shortly afterward , she was red eyed from crying and looked miserable. Another got married to someone she didn’t really know well and it didn’t work out to be very happy. They all placed so much stress on sex it was bound to be a very loaded experience when it happened.

porridgeisbae · 21/02/2024 19:16

SerafinasGoose · 21/02/2024 18:50

Fifteen. It was rape, although I didn't realize this at the time. It took upwards of two decades to recognise it for what it was.

I was besotted but he didn't care about me: as things transpired it turned out he'd never been into women in the first place. He laughed about it (and my naivety) afterwards and I was mortified. Yet I continued seeing him, and I continued having sex with him, because I was so messed up I didn't understand why and how this was so unbelievably 'off'. I had no respect for myself at all, because my background of abuse had skewed later relationships to the point where it doesn't even occur to a girl that she might be worthy of better treatment than this.

Later that year I was gang-raped by two of his 'friends'.

It's been, shall we say, character forming.

I've shared this story because not all these situations are as they appear. There was no social media or 'revenge porn' sites at the time. Since the 90s I believe things have grown progressively worse for the younger generations, and I have to wonder what would have happened to me if I'd lived this situation through a contemporary setting. The past decade or so has seen a pervasive, insidious creep of pornography into all manner of social media, the degredation of girls and women and an increase in violence towards us, and a rapid backward slide into the sort of misogyny that would have raised a very querulous eyebrow back in the 1990s.

I find it all extremely frightening.

I don't think it counts as losing your virginity if someone is raped etc. You didn't agree to it. x

Diablocircus · 21/02/2024 19:17

Just turned 15 in a steady relationship that lasted about three years.

There was other activity prior to this with other people which I regret far more.

Loubelle70 · 21/02/2024 19:17

AbeSimpsonsWhiskeySour · 21/02/2024 11:16

13 and I really really wanted to. This idea that it's all older men coercing young women, I mean agree that a child cannot give consent but it's a tad more complex when it's a 13 year old girl tearing the clothes off a 13 year old boy.

Same I was 13...a mature 13..i was a danger to men tbh rather other way around

Canyoudomegreaterharm · 21/02/2024 19:18

I was 15 and 10 months (it was a May bank holiday and my parents took my sister out to a local event letting me date it precisely!) and my boyfriend was 16 and 3 months. It was consensual and respectful.

However with a nearly 13 year old daughter I am horrified and would not be as trusting as my parents.

To muddy the waters with me religion was involved and my boyfriend wanted to "not do it again" which meant I sought sexual validation when we split up to prove it wasn't my unattractiveness / incompetence....

SpicyMoth · 21/02/2024 19:20

I was 16, I think from memory DP was 12 (ew!)

avocadotofu · 21/02/2024 19:20