Husband gives too much to charity

[MissandeiofNaath]

Not sure where to put this; probably an AIBU but too scared of the bunfights on AIBU! Anyway, my Dh gives too much to charity.

We have been married a very long time, have a joint account, both work but he is by far the higher earner. We are comfortable but not super rich, and have cut back like everyone else. DH is an immigrant from a developing country, and is incredibly frugal. Spends almost nothing on himself, especially now he mostly WFH. But likes to donate quite a lot to charity in his home country, like say £2. to 2.5 k a year. He does not give it to the big charities, but to grassroot charities that he has checked out himself on his visits. He also donated to a school bursary in the UK.

I don't have a concern that the money is being wasted. But with two young adultDC, I feel that given the way the economy is going, we should save for them in case they need more help with house deposits etc etc. But he tends to nag away at me about "giving back" until I give in!

Should I just let him do what he wants with "his" money? He never complains about any of my spending, ever.

This depends what proportion of your income he's giving away. 2k of 20k would be a no. 2k of 70k is fine.

What a bastard!! It's his money let him do what he wants with it. Omg can't actually believe somebody is complaining that their husband helps charities. You need to get a grip he's not wasting money he's helping others.

I think he’s admirable.

We give away similar (roughly 11% of our income) and find that the joy of giving outweighs the cost. Yes we have to make significant sacrifices, but we are still happy and comfortable. Have you looked into where the money goes and the difference it makes to people's lives?

Seems completely reasonable. It's obviously very important to him and he doesn't spend much otherwise.

I'd really admire this. Especially being an immigrant he's probably grateful that he's 'made it' and wants to help others.

How does his charitable giving compare to your spending? Why is one ok and one not? I think it's a lovely trait, admire the person he is. (Read all the other posts here....one yesterday about husband running up debts to fund a secret cocaine habit and needing inlaws to pay his hmrc debt. I know who's husband I would rather be with.)

2.5k to grassroots charities in developing countries is going to have a pretty high impact on many people. It won't unfortunately make much of a dent in 2 house deposits! I know some cultures/religions encourage (expect?) you to give away 1/10th of your income (no idea how many would actually do that), it's clearly important to him and that's no bad thing.

I get that you want to be able to help your DC and if you can that's great, but they will be fine by the sounds of it. They also may not want your DH to stop giving to charity in order to give to them!

It always surprises me about MN that posters marry people from other cultures, and then are surprised that they have different cultural values. Do you not discuss this kind of stuff beforehand, as it always seems to be a huge surprise?

I think you should respect your husband's giving if you have an otherwise good life. His charity is part of who he is as a person.

Sounds reasonable, especially as you say he's a low spender.

I think I'd have to focus on the fact it's going to charity and he's not like some men, spending money on onlyfans or crypto

He's a high earner giving away approximately £200 per month to charity; my goodness what an awful man

Why do you think this is to do with ‘cultural values’? Me and most of my friends have regular donations to various charities. I’ve never thought to stop my direct debits to 2 charities when money has been in short supply.

Try reading the OP.

I have - what’s your point?

How much does he earn op?

Now try comprehending it

Him being an (economic) immigrant (like me) explains it all. If you aren't one, you may never understand it.

He sounds like a right bastard.

(Give your head a wobble)

Would you be OK with it if he was spending this much on clothes/going to the pub/eating out/hobbies?

If so, just regard it as a hobby he has...and be proud of his choices.

You should be proud of him. I would be. Is he Muslim? Some of my Muslim friends aim to donate 10% of their income to charity.

Why do people have to respond so aggressively on here?

You're entitled to feel the way you do about your partners spending regardless of what it's going on. I agree with the PP though who said it was part of who he is; and what a decent quality to have. I wouldn't push the issue.