Husband gives too much to charity

[MissandeiofNaath]

Not sure where to put this; probably an AIBU but too scared of the bunfights on AIBU! Anyway, my Dh gives too much to charity.

We have been married a very long time, have a joint account, both work but he is by far the higher earner. We are comfortable but not super rich, and have cut back like everyone else. DH is an immigrant from a developing country, and is incredibly frugal. Spends almost nothing on himself, especially now he mostly WFH. But likes to donate quite a lot to charity in his home country, like say £2. to 2.5 k a year. He does not give it to the big charities, but to grassroot charities that he has checked out himself on his visits. He also donated to a school bursary in the UK.

I don't have a concern that the money is being wasted. But with two young adultDC, I feel that given the way the economy is going, we should save for them in case they need more help with house deposits etc etc. But he tends to nag away at me about "giving back" until I give in!

Should I just let him do what he wants with "his" money? He never complains about any of my spending, ever.

But even if you're right and the majority of people would put their kids first, so what? The DH is allowed to have different priorities, based on his own life experiences.

He is entitled to send money to charity unless it has a direct effect on your finances .If he can afford it whats the problem .Maybe make sure you are saving for your own family too .If it impacts on them then maybe send a little less ?

OP has said that her OH spends money on their kids as well. So it isn't as if they have no help at all.

I would love to be able to give loads to charity but I can't afford to give large amounts consistently, so instead I lend the same amount over and over using Lend with care https://lendwithcare.org/. You can loan money to specific people who have been vetted (and donate to the organisation itself), and so far all loans have been repaid in full, so I can then loan that same money to someone else.

It's an incredible system that allows individuals to significantly improve their lives with a one-off cash injection that then means they can live on a higher income for years to come. Not sure if this is something your DH might be interested in, but leaving it here just in case!

He sounds wonderful OP. If he's frugal elsewhere then it's only what some people would spend on a mini break. I know a family who's annual holiday budget is 20k.

We give to charity but not to same extent (about £500 per year). However I imagine our income is much lower, so it's all relative.

If we were all self centred then the world would be a much poorer place.

P. S. I have a cousin who inherited £££ in her 20s, she bought a house, travelled the world, married, lived the high life, got divorced, sold the house, did a second degree for fun, and at 40 the money was all gone. All of it. Rented accommodation and her and her DC struggle financially. Leaving money to children doesn't guarantee they'll spend it wisely.

We give 10% of our income to charity. And we're not high earners. TBH, we do struggle a bit financially and don't go on holidays abroad etc or have many luxuries. But giving money (carefully and considered) to those in need feels like a good priority. We don't tell people we do this or think of it often. It's a habit. So I can understand why your husband wants to give to those in need too.

@MissandeiofNaath as a pp has already mentioned wrt Gift aid, his actual donation is £166~ p.m.

Is this amount also of concern?

https://www.unbiased.co.uk/discover/tax-business/self-assessment/what-are-the-tax-benefits-of-donating-to-a-charity

Well done that fellow, I say 🌹

What a lovely man

This seems like an admirable trait.

He does not give it to the big charities, but to grassroot charities that he has checked out himself on his visits. He also donated to a school bursary in the UK.

Even better. Don't see how you can resent that when your children also receive help. It's not like he's ignoring the family.

I think this is admirable and I'd probably fall in love with my husband even more if he did this.

It's admirable... and if he is a 40% tax bracket earner he can claim personal tax relief on his charitable giving too (just an FYI incase it helps you)... with my charitable giving on the self assessment form my yearly tax bill goes down by £800

I'm on your side OP, and not for any of the reasons above.

90% of charity money goes towards lining the CEO's pockets and admin. If this were me, and he's adamant about giving stuff away, I'd nudge more towards a scholarship or university award thing so you KNOW the money is going to where you intend... or even taking cash direct to the source, buying pillows or something at a care home, buying lunch for a homeless person, standing in line at a pharmacy and paying for a diabetic's insulin or however it works.

This way you can negotiate with your husband on how much he spends because you're getting actual value for money.

What would you prefer him to spend this money (that he gives to charities) on @MissandeiofNaath ???

This is just such nonsense and so ignorant.

If this is his only vice you are in a good place with him.

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves

British Heart Foundation: 26.2p charitable activities, 40.6p fundraising, and 33.2p generating income.

OK, around 75% for BHF... others are better, but I'm sure many are worse.

What I'm saying is that for his £2000, only £500 is making it to the target. If he gave that £500 direct to a person in need of help, he'd be achieving the same thing... in fact, might as well give £1000 to the actual person in need and he'd be doubling his effectiveness and have halved his outgoings... win-win.

I think this is amazing but at the same time, it’s your joint money right? So I think you need to be in agreement. And maybe discuss making sure you have enough aside for each child.

I think what he does is amazing. If he earns well and doesn't really spend money on himself otherwise then this is his way of spending his share of joint income. His share being effectively "disposable to him"

Just make sure he's doing it tax effectively. Could he give via a UK charity to gift aid it? Gift aid for a higher earner equals more money for the cause and a tax rebate for the donor.

He could set up a giving account via CAF to make sure it's all happening tax effectively.

There are far worse things he could spend his money on.

When things were not so tight for our family we made monthly donations in the region of £100.

Cut right back now sadly. It probably only £25-£50.

The usual amount to donate to charity is 10% of net income. I struggle to do 5% would would do 10 without hesitation if I could.

You've selected one charity which invests a huge proportion of its income in fundraising activities and in trading activities to generate more income, but a) maybe they have good reasons for this (because the income that they do spend on charitable purposes won't generate itself without that investment) and b) because there are literally hundreds of charities that spend the vast majority of their funds directly on their charitable purposes.

If you're going to run charities in an efficient and professional manner, some costs are inevitable. Depending on the nature and size of an organisation, some will have higher operating costs than others, and people are free to research this and make their choices accordingly, but you are seriously misrepresenting the sector by claiming that 90% of the income goes on the CEO and admin. This is just nonsense.

By all means, carry on buying lunch for the homeless person in the street if you want to - I sometimes do the same - but know that you may also be inadvertently helping to perpetuate his illegal drug habit while the charity down the road is working incredibly hard to help him address that so that he can get off the streets for good. And by all means, pay for the diabetic's insulin in the queue (if you're outside the UK - think diabetics get free prescriptions on the NHS, don't they?) but don't knock the charity that is raising millions to support research that might mean he doesn't need to rely on insulin in the longer term.

how about you explain in actual words what you mean?

He earns enough to help people in his home country. He doesn't spend much on himself. Good for him.

It’s £40/50 a week.

Maybe he can offset it against tax(?)

Why don't you earn more money, could be a solution?

I see what you mean but without knowing what he earns it’s hard to say in a way. Like you say it’s his money, he isn’t drinking or gambling, he’s helping people. He doesn’t ask what you do with your money so….. unless you guys are going without in some way….