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Original poster

Aibu to think he should go and order me a coffee on first date?

411 replies

Coffeedate · 13/02/2024 20:23

I've found this a bit rude. I've been on a couple of coffee dates lately (first dates) where the guy has already been at the coffee shop when I arrive and is sitting with his coffee. When I arrive , they greet me , but don't offer to go and order me a coffee so they just let me go up and order it and pay for it myself.
Call me old fashioned but this bothers me and I just find it rude. Would this annoy anyone else or is it just me?

OP posts:
IAmNotAVet · 13/02/2024 22:04

You're not wrong, op.
It's just setting a basic standard. A minimum level of consideration and effort.

Comedycook · 13/02/2024 22:06

Men have things way too easy when it comes to dating nowadays. They don't even need to have the chutzpah to chat a woman up anymore...they can just sit behind a screen.

And now we have women telling each other that they're expecting too much if they would like him to buy her a cup of coffee.

Well played lads

alwaysmovingforwards · 13/02/2024 22:12

This is an eye opening thread in so many ways!! 😆

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Dating General relationships
SleepingStandingUp · 13/02/2024 22:23

Coffeedate · 13/02/2024 21:47

@SleepingStandingUp oh right, apologies. I thought you just went for coffee and cake and that was it. He sounds lovely.

He is, but that was my point about judging more than on just that one decision.

BronwenTheBrave · 13/02/2024 22:25

Naptrappedmummy · 13/02/2024 21:23

This.

We’re not on an equal footing. Men earn more, they’re a bigger risk for us. Women are very usually the ones left looking after and paying for their children after they’ve fucked off. They don’t even pay tax on their razors. Women also do the vast majority of unpaid care, whether that’s as the mum of their kids, or sister looking after elderly parents.

Convincing us that we need to look ‘less grabby’ by splitting everything even on the first date is a brilliant trick they’ve played on us. Now they don’t have to pay a penny for a nice time, very usually sex and eventually a live in maid.

A man paying on the first few dates shows he feels he has to win you, and impress you, and is happy to take a gamble losing a few quid because he feels the chance to date you is worth it. It shows he isn’t allergic to parting with money which SO many men seem to be.

It may just be coincidence but in my experience EVERY man that is obsessed with going Dutch and spending every penny directly on himself usually turns out to be a tight, abusive wanker and this extends beyond dating into going exactly halves on food, or asking you to pay the nursery bill ‘because you’re choosing to work’.

This is also the experience of my friends.

Show quote history

Isn’t it more accurate to say EVERY man is a tight abusive wanker?
But personally if a man got me a coffee I would suspect that he had put a date rape drug in it and would immediately leave. Can’t be too careful.

SoupDragon · 13/02/2024 22:28

Naptrappedmummy · 13/02/2024 22:01

No but if he’s already a tight-fisted arsehole he definitely will.

Show quote history

And if the woman expects him to pay then she's probably just after being bankrolled.

Delphiniumandlupins · 13/02/2024 22:28

I wouldn't expect somebody sitting with a hot drink to leave it to go cold while they went to buy me one

PeridotSparkle · 13/02/2024 22:29

Iloveshihtzus · 13/02/2024 20:33

Weird responses OP. I’m with you, if a guy did this on a first date I wouldn’t have a second. It’s OK to have standards and these are yours.

I agree.
It makes it seem more like a work meeting than a date.
You're probably not compatible.

Noseybookworm · 13/02/2024 22:32

I'd be quite happy to buy my own coffee on a first date 🤷‍♀️

mumda · 13/02/2024 22:33

Arrange to meet the next one at a statue and then decide where to go and have your coffee.

AngelinaFibres · 13/02/2024 22:33

Coffeedate · 13/02/2024 20:29

@RenegadeKeeblerElf but what if he asked me out for coffee? Shouldn't he pay for the first one at least? I think it's rude of him to just sit back down and drink his coffee and let me go and order mine

I met my second husband on a blind date 22 years ago. We had coffee and he had a piece of carrot cake. When we got up to leave he got his wallet out. I refused and paid for both of us. He was astonished that a woman had paid. He paid on the second date. We celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary this year. When we got engaged and he moved into my house he paid off my £100,000 mortgage. Pay for the coffee Op. You're only paying for yourself. You could even push the boat and buy one for him. You never know where it might lead.

PeridotSparkle · 13/02/2024 22:33

Thelondonone · 13/02/2024 20:49

This is why my friend hates dating, women expect to be paid for every time and he can’t afford it. Buy your own coffee!

It's £3 quid tight arse!!!

Naptrappedmummy · 13/02/2024 22:34

BronwenTheBrave · 13/02/2024 22:25

Isn’t it more accurate to say EVERY man is a tight abusive wanker?
But personally if a man got me a coffee I would suspect that he had put a date rape drug in it and would immediately leave. Can’t be too careful.

Show quote history

Crying 😂

Notamum12345577 · 13/02/2024 22:34

The man should pay for the first few dates

PeridotSparkle · 13/02/2024 22:34

BloodandGlitter · 13/02/2024 20:50

Men were expected to buy the coffee or pay for the first date because they were expected to be financially better off than the woman as she, obviously, having a vagina could not do a man's job. Women can now do those jobs, and so we can leave that tiredness in the past.

If I meet by friends for coffee I'd buy them one. It's just kind and polite. It's not about sexes.

SoupDragon · 13/02/2024 22:35

PeridotSparkle · 13/02/2024 22:33

It's £3 quid tight arse!!!

Show quote history

Doesn't that work both ways?

Britpop123 · 13/02/2024 22:35

Notamum12345577 · 13/02/2024 22:34

The man should pay for the first few dates

Why?

Naptrappedmummy · 13/02/2024 22:35

mumda · 13/02/2024 22:33

Arrange to meet the next one at a statue and then decide where to go and have your coffee.

Statue? OP is probably in a midlands village or something

PeridotSparkle · 13/02/2024 22:36

@SoupDragon if you were there first then get the coffee. It's just polite. She can get one after. It's not about the money. What's not to get here?

Naptrappedmummy · 13/02/2024 22:37

Comedycook · 13/02/2024 22:06

Men have things way too easy when it comes to dating nowadays. They don't even need to have the chutzpah to chat a woman up anymore...they can just sit behind a screen.

And now we have women telling each other that they're expecting too much if they would like him to buy her a cup of coffee.

Well played lads

The same women will be moaning on here about not getting their CMS or their ‘D’H refusing to merge bank accounts, saying there ‘were no red flags’ before they got together..!

SouthLondonMum22 · 13/02/2024 22:38

PeridotSparkle · 13/02/2024 22:34

If I meet by friends for coffee I'd buy them one. It's just kind and polite. It's not about sexes.

Show quote history

It absolutely is for some people, especially when they talk about chivalry, being old fashioned etc which has happened multiple times on this thread.

aitchteeaitch · 13/02/2024 22:40

If someone invites me out for coffee and is already there when I arrive, I would expect them to offer to pay for the first one.

If I asked them to meet me, I'd offer to buy them one.

SouthLondonMum22 · 13/02/2024 22:40

Naptrappedmummy · 13/02/2024 22:37

The same women will be moaning on here about not getting their CMS or their ‘D’H refusing to merge bank accounts, saying there ‘were no red flags’ before they got together..!

Show quote history

I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone who expected all money to be in a joint bank account.

Naptrappedmummy · 13/02/2024 22:40

SouthLondonMum22 · 13/02/2024 22:38

It absolutely is for some people, especially when they talk about chivalry, being old fashioned etc which has happened multiple times on this thread.

Show quote history

Has it? Lock them up, quickly!

SoupDragon · 13/02/2024 22:41

PeridotSparkle · 13/02/2024 22:36

@SoupDragon if you were there first then get the coffee. It's just polite. She can get one after. It's not about the money. What's not to get here?

If you arrive last and are therefore not already at the table, get your own coffee and ask if the person there wants anything. It's just polite.

It's not about the money, the OP is all about the sex of the people concerned. She's a delicate little flower who needs a big strong man to be "gentlemanly" and "chivalrous" and buy her coffee.

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