Aibu to think he should go and order me a coffee on first date?

[Coffeedate]

I've found this a bit rude. I've been on a couple of coffee dates lately (first dates) where the guy has already been at the coffee shop when I arrive and is sitting with his coffee. When I arrive , they greet me , but don't offer to go and order me a coffee so they just let me go up and order it and pay for it myself.
Call me old fashioned but this bothers me and I just find it rude. Would this annoy anyone else or is it just me?

I agree that whoever is there first should offer as it’s a nice thing to do. So yeah bit lazy !

@SleepingStandingUp oh right, apologies. I thought you just went for coffee and cake and that was it. He sounds lovely.

It's not that I'm tight, or skint or dont want to put my hand in my pocket or whatever.

Dating is to find someone you want to marry, in my mind. If you want to be a SAHM or work PT or anything like that, you need a man who is willing to share his money. That's what it's about, to me anyway.

Now, that's not to say that a man who insists on a 50/50 split will never share his money when youre on mat leave, nor is it to say that a man who buys a coffee will definitely share his money.

However, I do feel it is a reasonable first indicator of generosity. I wouldn't want a man who was out dating so often that he was spending a lot on dating all and sundry
To me, that just indicates he's not serious, nor the type to settle down.

Where did this rule come from? Do you implement it if it’s friends or families? I’ve never heard of such a rule.

Gentlemanly?
What decade are you in?
You have different outlooks to these guys therefore you are not compatible.
You find a man that you like and leave them to women living wholly in 2024. Everyone then happy.

So you meet men thinking if they will pay for you to stay home or work part time? Seriously?

Still going to claim it's nothing about gender? 😂😂

Angry 😂

I stand by what I said!

Clearly.

Some of my experiences of dating.

1. He turned up in a dirty t-shirt, unwashed hair. Told me to grab a table while he went to the bar. Sat down, asked for the exact cost of my coke. I said "oh it would be easier if I grab the next one". No he didn't want that. He also ordered himself a meal and didn't even mention it until it arrived. Very odd.

I didn't see him again, not because he didn't pay though. Just all of it.

1. He insisted on paying. Then got shitty when I wouldn't take him back to my house. Like I owed him for the meal. Didn't see him again. Vile man.

1. Told me before the date he wanted to split the bill, as he was a bit fed up with paying for a date and then never hearing from them again. Finr with me. We only went to the chippy then sat in the park. I went to the cash machine as we got near the shop. He then said he was more than happy to pay. He just wanted to see if I was prepared to. We were together for a few years.

The did they/didn't they pay wasn't the deciding factor in any of those outcomes. If guy 1 had paid I still wouldn't have seen him again. He was gross.
Guy 2 was a fucking creep, albeit one who would pay.
Guy 3 was lovely. Made me feel like an equal, but also that he appreciated I was a single mum with less income than him.

I’m embarrassed for you! We don’t live in the 1950s, we can get our own coffees and even pay for them ourselves!

OP Are these internet dates?

I have never done that but from what I can gather, it's a very different experience than being asked out IRL. IRL, I can see the argument the person doing the asking pays for coffee or whatever. Online, not so much.

You're just meeting up to see if you like each other. It's a lot different than someone you know asking you out, IMHO.

Also, in this weather, meeting outside? I'd want to go in and get a drink myself and I think that sounds fine.

also, he has to sit back down or you'll lose your table? Maybe?

No because I don't meet men for dating purposes. I got married at 25 to the man I met when I was 20. I'm 38 now.

But, if I was dating now and thinking I'd like to have kids, I would certainly be looking at his attitude to money.

You lost me at ‘gentlemenly’. I’m all for being polite, regardless of gender and if I’d asked someone out I’d buy them a coffee. However, relating this to whether you’ve got a vagina or a penis totally debases your argument imo.

Jane Austen is that you?

I sincerely hope I've managed to raise my daughter to be a stronger, more independent woman than some of posters on this thread.

How old are you OP? I would have thought the same but would probably be more annoyed that he didn't ask what I would like when he sent the text. I wouldn't expect a friend to get my coffee in this situation but they would probably know what I would like and have got me a drink.

A man shouldn't have to pay for the first drink so you are being unreasonable.

Reducing women to prizes that need to be won by men is part of the problem.

I'll have to ask my son who pays if he goes on a date. As a gay man. If its the 'gentlemanly' thing to do.

If you've made the effort to meet someone, no matter who suggested it, it's really not worth putting their back up over saving yourself £3 on a coffee. I think the person who arrives first should wait and then the coffees are ordered together, gender irrelevant. One party says don't worry I'll get these, other party says don't be silly, I'll pay for my own - job done. Anything else is just a bit strange.

Just because he buys the first coffee does not mean he won't turn into a tight fisted arsehole once you are married and have kids

No but if he’s already a tight-fisted arsehole he definitely will.

Just wait outside and go in together don't you? I'd not dare someone who started without me..but I'd be on time too.

Not buying a first coffee does not make someone a tight fisted arsehole though

There is tax on men’s razors; the standard rate of 20% VAT.

I can’t be arsed with the rest of your ridiculous comment but at least get the overt facts correct.