How much alcohol do you and/or your partner drink?

[Dancinggirl84]

Genuinely interested to know what is considered 'normal' in terms of alcohol consumption. How much do you drink each day? Do you drink every day? Do you think you drink a normal amount/more than others/less than others? I don't think I drink a lot; I have maybe one or two glasses of nice red wine with a meal once a week, so max of four units per week. DP will have a beer as soon as he gets in from work, large glass of wine with evening meal, another beer or two, then often a whiskey etc later in the evening. More at weekends. I'm aware I drink a lot less than most of our friends. I'm just worried that hubby is drinking far more then the recommended weekly guidelines (14 units), and also that he drinks every day. His drinking increased over covid. I've tried talking to him about it but he just brushes me off and says it's normal. One week I noted down everything that he drank and worked out the alcohol units, it was 84. I showed him and he was very angry that I had been watching what he drank but he did agree that it was too much and cut down for a while. But it just crept back up again. The last couple of years he has done dry January and he seems so much healthier and happier when he isn't drinking. It also saves us a lot of money! This year he said he wasn't doing dry January but he wouldn't drink every day of the week (part of recommended guidelines) which seemed a good idea but he hasn't managed to have an alcohol free day at all. There's always a reason why he needs a drink: bad day at work, children are being annoying etc. We've just been away for a weekend, he drank all the beer and wine we'd brought with us in the first two nights, we were staying out in the sticks and he insisted on driving forty minutes to the nearest shop to buy another bottle of wine. I'm worried that he can't go without alcohol, and may be veering into 'functional alcoholic' territory. He thinks I'm overreacting and most people drink like he does. What do you think?

It's the same as for a woman 14 units. 4 units=a binge which is extremely bad for your health.

On average I don't drink anything.

Occasionally I'll go through a phase of having one or two drinks a night for maybe a week, then nothing for 6 months. Usually in the midst of winter as it's quite nice to while away the dark evenings in front of the fire with a drink occasionally.

I don't like the effects of regular alcohol use on my body, though. It makes everything feel a lot more difficult physically and mentally.

I don't drink, most of my female friends don't drink these days either (I'm mid 40s.)

I know a lot of men that are alcoholics though, I know of 3 men that have died under the age of 50 due to alcohol in the last three years.

I barely touch booze. It just makes me get sick. Didn’t stop me when I was younger! Bubbles on my birthday / Christmas. A pint if I go to the pub, rarely these days. Cocktail on holiday. I’d never drink a glass of wine at home.

DH goes to the pub a few times a week. Has cans at home, watching the footie or when DS is in bed. He sometimes opens a bottle of red, but it will last two / three nights. If he opens a bottle of whiskey, he’ll get through in two weeks.

Thank you all for your replies and sorry I didn't respond to all of them. I tried talking to DP last night about his drinking and he agreed that he drinks too much. I asked what I could do to support him with cutting down/stopping and he said "stop nagging and going on about it". He then changed the subject and refused to talk about it any more. So not a great success. I'm going to be ringing Al-Anon next week when the children are back at school. As some of you have said I can't make him change but this will hopefully support me. At the moment I don't want to threaten him with ultimatums of leaving him. The children love him and he is a good dad and I don't want to disrupt their world. But if his drinking starts to affect them then I will absolutely leave with the children.

My general rule is that I don't drink on a school night before Thursday (I don't work on Fridays). So I only drink on Thursday, Friday Saturday and tbh rarely on all three of those. Generally I might have a couple of glasses on a Friday and a couple on a Saturday. If Im going "out out" I'd drink more.

If I'm going out to a function during the week I would have a glass, perhaps two but that's fairly rare, perhaps a couple of times a month.

My close friend drinks every single night and most of the time she's drinking at least a bottle of wine. She doesn't think she has a problem and when it comes up in conversation she speaks as though everyone does it.

DH - maybe a beer once a week, some weeks nothing at all

Me - I only drink socially, and even then I might not bother - so maybe 3-4 times a year (even then just one!). Never been interested in drinking

When I felt I was drinking too much it was two double gin a tonics everyday for a few months. Always a reason, tough day/ Friday/ celebration/ Saturday/ Sunday lunch/ opening an envelope
Etc occasional add to that wine and Prosecco

Now I have maybe 5 drinks a week, gin/wine/ beer - sometimes more. I didn't reduce my consumption intentionally.

I did start exercising and think this helped. As often the 6pm drink replace by exercise.

Usually have three consecutive alcohol free days a week. I do this unconsciously, just don't have the urge to drink anymore .

I hope you all get the help you deserve op.

So he’s dismissed your concerns. He will cut down slightly for the next week but then it will go back to normal.

Ive been in this cycle a few years with my H but now im at the point of, its how he us, he wont stop so im making changes for me and kids and divorcing. He told me he didnt think i was serious when i talked about his alcohol drinking 🤷🏻‍♀️

Nothing at home. We go out drinking maybe once every four months with friends and have 2/3.

My brother is an alcoholic, he started out like your husband and ended up losing his relationship with his partner and 2 sons, house, car and job.
That was 20 years ago and although he's been sober for 4 years he now lives on benefits with no desire to work and spends his days playing his PlayStation and smoking.

We tried everything to get him to stop, he went to AA, a residential addiction centre, he's been in hospital several times with blood coming from both ends but it was only when his alcoholic best friend died and wasn't found for 3 weeks that he stopped.
It has to be their choice.

Small glass of red twice a week.

OH doesnt drink at all.
I have a beer or a g&t probably once every couple of months.

I don't unless I am out socialising. If I'm thirsty I have a drink and it's never crossed my mind that should be alcohol.
Probably something to do with having had an alcoholic in my family I assume.

Yeah this is me too

We’ve stopped since TTC and pregnancy, but before I’d probably drink a bottle of wine over a weekend and maybe a pint or two at the pub. Partner drunk less regularly but he will have odd binge at the rugby or a stag. Your DH is drinking too much, it’s unhealthy and clearly worrying you. You need to address it

Once a month or less now. Much prefer not drinking (I’ve been every stage of drunk you can imagine, there’s nothing exciting left)

Very little.
i might go through a stage of having a bottle of wine at the weekend for a few weeks then nothing for months.

sometimes the odd half pint on a wed evening.

i haven’t had a drink since Boxing Day

I live on my own, and buy one bottle of red wine with the weekly food shop. I have a glass a night over 3 or 4 days. I don't go out drinking a lot either, probably once every 2-3 months. But when I do drink socially I can go a bit overboard, to the point that I have 3 day hangovers 😕

Very little. We might have 1 beer each or 1 glass of wine if we get a babysitter and go out for a meal (which is maybe once every 3 weeks or so).

It's unusual for us to drink at home. Maybe on a special occasion but again it would be like 1 drink each.

I don't drink at all anymore, but when I was drinking, I would say I was drinking more than your dh is - well over 100 units a week. My dh drinks 3-5 drinks (beer or cider) maybe 4 days a week. Now I think that sounds like 'a lot' and it's probably on par with what your dh is drinking, but I don't think it's at all an unusual amount for many men (and I also don't think it makes him an alcoholic - being an alcoholic myself, I can assure my dh definitely isn't one of us).

It's less about the quantity than the how of drinking and the impact. Having a pint or two at lunch and a cider or two at dinner and then switching to fizzy water is not how an alcoholic drinks. But someone who is drinking heavily in short periods of time, hiding it, and continuing to do it when it has a negative impact on health is a real issue. Your dh may not seem 'drunk' or 'hungover' but he will definitely be affected and he will definitely not be as functioning as he would be if he wasn't drinking. And if he is morbidly obese, his liver is already likely under strain (due to fatty liver, for example) and he might already be pre-diabetic or at risk of T2 diabetes.

When I stopped, I had high levels of liver inflammation - not permanent liver damage, but my liver function was abnormal. And I developed a problem with my pancreas, which while not obviously linked to alcohol, I think was caused by a combination of things that included pancreatic inflammation (the pancreas and liver are very closely connected). While I'm not diabetic (and actually I'm an okay ish weight), people with pancreatic issues can develop diabetes (often type 3, which is a bit of a combination between 1 & 2). For health issues alone, it sounds like he would benefit from stopping.

All that said, do keep talking about it, even if he tells you not to 'nag' him. I hated when my dh brought up how concerned he was about my drinking. It was shameful and awful to think about and I just wanted the floor to open up and swallow me whole. It didn't change anything right away, but it did plant a seed. It took about another year, but that seed did grow. I'm very happily sober now and coming up on a year of sobriety. People absolutely can change. He does have to do it himself though.

If you don't get on with Alanon there's smart recovery friends and family. There are some in person meetings but also two online weekly zoom meetings you can join. I prefer them to Al-Anon myself

I’m have 2 G&Ts(1 shot each) on a Fri, then a glass of wine Sat. Dh will have a glass of wine Sat.

I know a few people who drink all the time, one in particular drinks every night and her health is really starting to suffer now in her early 40s. I don’t see it impacting her kids too much either yet but maybe it will in the future. I know a counsellor and she says a lot of her clients are children of alcoholics.

How did your husband drink 84 units? That seems impossible?

The children love him and he is a good dad and I don't want to disrupt their world. But if his drinking starts to affect them then I will absolutely leave with the children.
OP I work with domestic abuse survivors and this is the sort of thing they very often say. They also often say that the abuse hasn't affected the children at all. But it does, sadly, there's no way to protect children when they are living under the same roof as an abuser.
I don't know but I guess it's similar with alcohol. Have you ever spoken to your DCs about it?