How much alcohol do you and/or your partner drink?

[Dancinggirl84]

Genuinely interested to know what is considered 'normal' in terms of alcohol consumption. How much do you drink each day? Do you drink every day? Do you think you drink a normal amount/more than others/less than others? I don't think I drink a lot; I have maybe one or two glasses of nice red wine with a meal once a week, so max of four units per week. DP will have a beer as soon as he gets in from work, large glass of wine with evening meal, another beer or two, then often a whiskey etc later in the evening. More at weekends. I'm aware I drink a lot less than most of our friends. I'm just worried that hubby is drinking far more then the recommended weekly guidelines (14 units), and also that he drinks every day. His drinking increased over covid. I've tried talking to him about it but he just brushes me off and says it's normal. One week I noted down everything that he drank and worked out the alcohol units, it was 84. I showed him and he was very angry that I had been watching what he drank but he did agree that it was too much and cut down for a while. But it just crept back up again. The last couple of years he has done dry January and he seems so much healthier and happier when he isn't drinking. It also saves us a lot of money! This year he said he wasn't doing dry January but he wouldn't drink every day of the week (part of recommended guidelines) which seemed a good idea but he hasn't managed to have an alcohol free day at all. There's always a reason why he needs a drink: bad day at work, children are being annoying etc. We've just been away for a weekend, he drank all the beer and wine we'd brought with us in the first two nights, we were staying out in the sticks and he insisted on driving forty minutes to the nearest shop to buy another bottle of wine. I'm worried that he can't go without alcohol, and may be veering into 'functional alcoholic' territory. He thinks I'm overreacting and most people drink like he does. What do you think?

I'm the drinker in our relationshi, I'll have 2 glasses of wine on a Friday and Saturday. I stopped it all during a diet and dry jan and now I don't enjoy it.
DH has a beer once a month or so, it doesn't bother him.

It depends exactly how many units are in what you drink. But that approx. 12 so under the 14 unit limit.

None ever. DH has never dunk alcohol, I haven't since university. It's just wet calories imo. In DHs it was seeing the destruction it did to one side of his family.

Neither my DP or I drink. I’ve always been incredibly wary of becoming an alcoholic, my adored father was one after coming back from WW2 and it has huge consequences for children. It is so, so scary when a child realises the adult that is supposed to be ‘in charge’ actually is dangerously not in control.

Does he have parents still alive that you could talk to maybe? A discussion with them could wake some people to the seriousness of loved ones’ concern.

I’ve just realised that’s not quite true!

I bought a bottle of Baileys cream that was on offer last Christmas. About once a week I add a tablespoon of Baileys cream to my hot chocolate. Once it’s finished I probably won’t buy it again until next Christmas when it’s on offer again.

It’s so sweet and creamy I almost forgot it’s alcohol lol not quite sure it counts as “having a drink” in the ordinary sense of the phrase but it is still alcohol consumption.

I think a spoonful counts as about 0.3 units of alcohol.

Also it’s nice to see so many people on this thread who don’t consume a lot or any alcohol because there’s such a big drinking culture here to the extent some people feel under pressure to drink from friends or colleagues.

Not so much recently as I work from home now, but I’ve been asked countless times in work situations why I don’t really drink by people who get terrible hangovers. It’s not as if I ask them why they do drink!

Same here, 3 ish bottles of wine over 2 or 3 nights a week. Sometimes a baileys or cocktail on top of that too.

Yes I think it's too much, but we enjoy it and it doesn't interfere with life/cause hangovers.

I know people who hardly drink and some who drink almost every night (but only a couple).

People who drink a lot are often in denial and wouldn’t comment honestly on this sort of thread so you won’t get a balanced view. You know he’s drinking too much. It’s up to you what you do next. You can’t make him change.

Occasionally we have a drink (single) on a Friday but to be honest with our not very good at going to bed 5 year old, by the time she is in bed we can't be bothered with a drink.

Tend to drink only when we go out now and that doesn't happen that often.

We might have a drink 3 x a week - DP will have a 330ml can of beer or maybe two and I'll either have one of those of a single G&T.

I'm very similar to this. Grew up with an alcoholic parent and it was horrible not having my dad be emotionally present (afraid to say your children will be noticing it on some level OP).

I have a bottle of wine over Fri-Sat and then maybe a G&T or two on the Sunday. During lockdowns in covid I noticed that I was also starting to have a glass of wine most weekday evenings, often when feeling stressed as a parent, which took me to 2-2.5 bottles of wine some weeks. I now don't drink during the week (like you say, sticking to within the guidelines in terms of at least 2 consecutive days alcohol free) and have to say I noticed the benefits on my mood, sleep quality and overall health.

I'm sure on some level you know this already, but if your husband is struggling to have any alcohol-free days, prioritising getting access to alcohol and not able to cut down despite the impact it's having on his health and your worries then he's got a problematic relationship with alcohol.

Perhaps the fact that most of these replies on this thread are from people who don't drink excessively is indicative of the fact that actually a lot of people DON'T drink much?

I don’t drink as I am alcohol intolerant due to a medical condition. My husband has about 3/4 nights out a year with work and has a good few, but other than that it’s generally just Christmas and New Year where he’ll have a couple of glasses.

My ex is an alcoholic and he was like your husband. I tried to put up with it but it got to the point where his behaviour started getting worse and he became dangerous. He drove my car (without me knowing at the time) totally drunk and ended up back on the drive with a bloody face and nose and no idea where he got it from. That scared the living shit out of me so I called the police and they arrested him. There were things he had done prior to that too that were awful to me but not dangerous like that. That was the last straw.

My uncle also drank himself to death. He thought he masked it but ihe didn’t. My auntie kept him in check when she was alive but she died suddenly and it just spiralled.

I’m not suggesting your husband will definitely end up like this but it is usually a slippery slope. As others have said, the only one who can change things is him. I’d be giving him an ultimatum but only of you’re prepared to go through with it - otherwise it’s pointless. Good luck OP, it’s hard.xx

You husband needs to realise that he is an alcoholic.
It would be great if he wanted to visit AA.
Could you attend the group for families of alcoholics to see how best you should proceed.
Could you ask your doctor to talk about it at his next check up? (assuming you share a family doctor)

My DH drinks a half glass of wine or champagne at weddings. So, less than one glass per six months.
I drink a glass every two months with sister or friend, though mostly I enjoy sparkling water or ginger ale better and choose that.
Neither of us drive with any alcohol in our system nor drink if minding children or swimming. We like modelling no/low alcohol. We hate the obnoxious behaviour of selfish drunks.
Alcohol is often responsible for violent abuse.

Your husband has health improvements to make by cutting down his consumption of alcohol.

I think recommended is two alcohol free days per week. No more than two drinks per day. Four is considered binge.
I'm unsure of the total drinks recommended for a man per week.

If I were you I would limit the alcohol purchased each week. I would not have any more than that in the house. Tell your husband that he has a problem and you will not tolerate him not addressing it. Ask how you can help?

Have some call centre numbers ready.

I stopped buying any alcohol in the weekly shop months ago, he buys his own in the way home from work. Family and friends know he likes wine and whiskey so he always gets bought bottles for Christmas/birthdays. I now I need to try talking to him again but I'm fully expecting him to brush it off again.

Thank you, this helpful to hear. Do you have any alcohol free days?

Thank you, have just had a look at the Al-Anon website and found some local and online groups. I'm sorry you went through similar with your ex.

I am a recovering alcoholic so I don't drink at all. Neither did DH for a long while in solidarity but now he has the odd small whisky once or twice a month if he's watching a film and I've gone to bed (I'm fine with this) or he has a couple of beers when on a works do. He completely got out the drinking habit and doesn't feel the after effects are worth it anymore.

It's bloody evil stuff and nearly cost me my life. I'm just grateful the kids will never see me like I was. That's what keeps me sober. I won't put them through that and I want to grow old to see them grow up so my health is more important now.

Oh and OP, as a recovering alcoholic, your DH is on a very slippery slope. Particularly with the excuses why he needs a drink. There will always be an excuse............
He is in denial.

I think you've had a very unusual sample replying OP with a lot of people being tee total or near as dammit.

My friends and my husband and I all drink more than the replies in this thread but I'd say all roughly within the weekly guidelines. We would all consider ourselves people who like a drink. But your husband is an alcoholic from what you've posted here.

We both drink approx 2 drinks, 4 or so nights a week. I have to deliberately "not drink" the other 2-3 nights. Which I can do. Stressful day job, kids, and stuck inside evenings

I agree that OP is getting a lot of very light alcohol users
DP and me drink almost exactly the same- 1-2 glasses of red wine most nights at home, if we go out (rare) 2 pints tops, aim to have 1 alcohol free day a week.
I think this puts us towards the top end of the guidelines but we are very fit and active and have no noticeable ill effects.
As everyone has said you husbands drinking is problematic and it sounds as if his friends enable him.
https://www.drinkaware.co.uk/tools/drinking-check#/
you could use this tool, I think it will confirm what you already know, but maybe suggest to him he gives it a go- and if not, why not?

Thank you for sharing that, and without sounding patronising; well done on your sobriety.

Thank you, that's what I think too.

Thank you, yes I was surprised at the number of low/no drinkers.

Oh that looks helpful, thank you.