How much alcohol do you and/or your partner drink?

[Dancinggirl84]

Genuinely interested to know what is considered 'normal' in terms of alcohol consumption. How much do you drink each day? Do you drink every day? Do you think you drink a normal amount/more than others/less than others? I don't think I drink a lot; I have maybe one or two glasses of nice red wine with a meal once a week, so max of four units per week. DP will have a beer as soon as he gets in from work, large glass of wine with evening meal, another beer or two, then often a whiskey etc later in the evening. More at weekends. I'm aware I drink a lot less than most of our friends. I'm just worried that hubby is drinking far more then the recommended weekly guidelines (14 units), and also that he drinks every day. His drinking increased over covid. I've tried talking to him about it but he just brushes me off and says it's normal. One week I noted down everything that he drank and worked out the alcohol units, it was 84. I showed him and he was very angry that I had been watching what he drank but he did agree that it was too much and cut down for a while. But it just crept back up again. The last couple of years he has done dry January and he seems so much healthier and happier when he isn't drinking. It also saves us a lot of money! This year he said he wasn't doing dry January but he wouldn't drink every day of the week (part of recommended guidelines) which seemed a good idea but he hasn't managed to have an alcohol free day at all. There's always a reason why he needs a drink: bad day at work, children are being annoying etc. We've just been away for a weekend, he drank all the beer and wine we'd brought with us in the first two nights, we were staying out in the sticks and he insisted on driving forty minutes to the nearest shop to buy another bottle of wine. I'm worried that he can't go without alcohol, and may be veering into 'functional alcoholic' territory. He thinks I'm overreacting and most people drink like he does. What do you think?

Which app do you use? Maybe I could suggest DP tracks his alcohol consumption to see how bad it is.

Neither me or DP drink. Maybe once a year at a family occasion/special event. That's it.

That's quite unusual though in our circle. Many have 'a drink' most evenings after work and then on the weekend. I find it a little controversial however I suppose everyone has their vice and each to their own.

I definitely wouldn't be with someone who drank every night though, or to that extent. I wouldn't be comfortable with it at all.
But you need to decide if you're comfortable with it - everyone will have drawn their line at a different boundary.

It’s “Try Dry”.

But honestly I have been you, tried to police my ex-husbands drinking and it was a total waste of time and just caused me years of pain. Even if you did get him to track his units without causing WW3 he’d minimize and lie if he’s anything like my ex. Who I divorced 10 years ago now and is still a mess of a man. Still drinking, yet lost almost everyone and everything else.

To counteract the swathes of relative non-drinkers on here. I have a few bottles of wine a week, though don’t drink every night.

I genuinely don’t know people who have 2 f
glasses a year. Even my very nonplussed-about-booze friends probably drink more than that.

I know people who have a couple of glasses every night and who live very normal lives.

Yes, we are all mostly over the 14 units but hey, it’s all choices!

I drink once every 5/6 months.
DH roughly one every 1/2 months

Thank you for your comment. I am really not comfortable with the amount DP drinks. He's nor drunk, slurring or angry and I don't think anyone else would know how much he drinks from his behaviour. But I know it is affecting his health; he's morbidly obese and I have no idea what state his liver is in. He's not really angry but he is grumpy and it's always been noticeable when he's previously done dry January that he is less grumpy, his face looks less bloated, his skin looks healthier and he has more energy.

But what do I do? we have three beautiful, brilliant children together. They adore him and he adores them. Do I draw a line and say and say if you don't stop drinking I will leave with the children? Is that what is best for the children at this point? I just don't know.

DH doesn't drink.
I'll have a couple of cocktails if I go out for dinner every few months but if you factor in pregnancy/having a small baby it isn't that often in the last few years.

Trying very hard to keep it to two bottles of wine per week

Difficult

DH has beers too, maybe four per week

Three bottles of wine between us at the weekend.Nothing in the week.

I’ve never been a drinker, even as a student. I may have a glass of wine with friends occasionally but that’s about it. My husband enjoys a pint with colleagues on a Friday evening after work. It’s sort of a thing where he works but they always end up talking bollocks about football.

no drinking on a school night. I will have a bottle of wine split over Friday and Saturday. It doesn’t always get finished. DH will have a few beers Friday / Saturday. Sometimes we substitute that for G&T.

I know people who have a couple of glasses every night and who live very normal lives.

Yes, we are all mostly over the 14 units but hey, it’s all choices!

I absolutely love the first couple of drinks, but after that it's just habit to drink more. These days if I drink a lot, or on more than a couple of days a week, especially consecutive days, I just feel low-level crappy and a bit anxious. It's not worth it!

and he insisted on driving forty minutes to the nearest shop to buy another bottle of wine

^^

This is a problem.

I don't drink at all and my partner probably has a single drink once every month or two, plus a few drinks over the Christmas period.

Similar to many other posters, my father was an alcoholic and it's not a path I'd like to follow hence why I don't touch it.

On average I'd say I probably have 3 sober / 4 drinking nights per week. I probably get through 1.5-2 bottles of wine and some gin. I calculated my units last week and it was about 26 so definitely over the recommended limit.

I'd like to cut back but I enjoy it. I don't go out drinking, it's usually at home and it's become a bad habit really.

I drink wine most nights. I have had a drink most nights since 1995.
For the last 20 years or so, I have had a bottle of wine, give or take a glass or two, most nights of the week.

I am not saying this is healthy - but I am saying that the effect of drinking is different for different people.

Some people will be on the 'slippery slope' from their very first taste of alcohol. Others won't be physically addicted on huge amounts of alcohol. Most of us are somewhere within the scale. If you have blood family relatives who are full blown alcoholics, then you are at greater risk.

I am definitely not saying my level of drinking is healthy. I am definitely not recommending anyone else drinks like I do. I am saying that I am not at risk of the slippery slope - 20+ years and I haven't 'slipped' further. I am also healthier than average for my age (probably healthier if I didn't drink (so much) but not unhealthy).

It irritates me when people say 'this happened to me (my friend/relative) so it will happen to you' - NOT TRUE.

Look at some of the alcoholic questionnaires. These predict far more accurately if you, as an individual, have a problem. (affects on living, family, friends, job) (situation - time you want a drink, can you choose not to drink) etc etc.

I drink most nights, last night I went out for a meal with friends. At 6.30pm I had a glass of wine. I was driving, so for the rest of the night I had soft drinks. I drove home at 10pm with no worries. One drink didn't mean I coulddn't stop. Other people drinking didn't worry me.

I do think I am an alcoholic by some definitions. I also know that I am not physically addicted to the point I can't function without it, psychologically I know I don't want to not drink.

I'm retired, I live alone and, if drinking is shortening my life, I don't care.

These things won't be the same for you. Only you can decide. If you are worried about the amount you drink, then it is time to change. Do it because you want to. Don't do it because some random on MN has a friend or relative who concerns them.

Even full blown alcoholism is your own decision - but YOUR decision should take account of the people that matter to you.

i don’t drink and dh only has beer a few times a year. I actually can’t remember the last time I had alcohol? I think it was at Christmas a few years ago. Dh will have a beer or two on holiday and a couple over Christmas. It’s just not some thing we enjoy anymore (we did when we were in our early 20s though!) & most of our circle of friends are similar.

I was drinking 5-6 bottles of wine a week but gave up over a year ago as it was having many negative effects on my life (anxiety, weight gain, fatty liver etc). My DH has also given up wine but has a few beers at the weekend and the odd gin and tonic.

Averaged out, I probably drink about 2-4 units a month. Lots of months I don’t drink at all (most of the winter) but I have a few lagers or IPAs in the summer if it’s a nice day and I’m doing something sociable outside in the afternoon. I don’t drink wine or spirits and I avoid drinking after about 6pm because it affects my sleep and makes me feel shit the next day. DH drinks slightly more often than me but still not much at all.

I’ve reached a stage where I would quite happily never drink again. I don’t go out often so the only exception to that would be if I was stone cold sober at a wedding or something and would probably miss a glass of Prosecco then. Particularly with women I have worked with in the past, they’ve said they have a glass of wine at night and that’s how they relax, but it’s every night. To me drinking every day is too much. I would find it really odd to drink on a weeknight. On the odd occasion I have a glass of rose at the weekend but actually find myself wishing it was a cup of tea at times and staring at it thinking I can’t have a tea until I finish it.. which tells me I should probably just give the wine a miss 🙈

My husband would also say he doesn’t drink a lot but he drinks every other day I would say. It’s always just a casual couple of ciders watching the football/rugby/tennis etc. He’s always so casual about it and really thinks he barely drinks but if you sat it all out at the end of each week, it is a lot!

I don't drink Monday to Thursday. Friday and Saturday will have a couple of spirit/mixers and then Sunday usually prosecco or fruit cider (I am not a wine drinker as I don't like it).

I think your DH drinks excessively, sorry OP. I have a drink if I go out for a special meal, I dont like wine but may have a pint with the meal or a JD and coke afterwards. I rarely drink at home, say once every 3 months if that. My DH has a can of beer about 3 or 4 nights a week, but he isn't a big drinker either and rarely has a second can on the same night.

I don't really drink, maybe 3-4 times a year. I like the taste but not how it makes me feel so I just don't bother unless I'm off work and in the right mood.

DH has a few cans 3-4 nights a week.

My grandparents were alcoholics and it destroyed them as well as their relationship with my dad who is now tee total. Your DH is drinking way, way too much and I promise you, your kids will know and it will impact them - big time.

DP never drinks and I drink maybe once a month if that.

I have a drink once a month or so. I think DH had a beer 4 years ago. I know the last one before that was 15 years ago. They stand out because they are such anomalies.