The EBSA support thread (emotionally based school avoidance/absence)

[BrambleyHedge]

Following this thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4996315-a-question-to-all-those-who-think-school-refusal-in-schools-is-increasing-due-to-lazy-enabling-parents?latest=1

I wondered if some people would welcome an EBSA support thread. I haven't seen another one so if there is already one I can delete this one. For those dealing with EBSA - I don't know about you but sometimes I just want to cry and scream with all the stress and I thought it might be healthier to write it down and share with others going through similar issues.

My son is 15 yr 11 and is currently upstairs refusing to go to his mock GCSE this morning. He is too anxious. He is only doing 5 GCSEs and has small group tutoring in his school rather than the normal classes. There are several in his year with EBSA so they have their own group. He is finally being assessed for ASD after 2.5 years in CAMHs list and also finally being assessed for EHCP after mediation due to council refusal to assess. He is what they used to call high functioning but unable to deal with education. I am practically in tears this morning trying to get him to go in. He usually doesn't go in until about 11 so this is early. He doesn't sleep.

So enough about me. If you too are having a crappy morning then please talk.

It would be good if this thread can be for those who are dealing with EBSA. Well meant advice or judgement from others may not always be welcome or helpful. I have tried literally everything over the last two years to get my son to school and am learning much of this is beyond my control. Sometimes there just isn't an answer.

I have put this in Chat for now so it gets seen. It could fit in education, SEN, or some other subjects.

@Piony yes, it's possible, but I just can't see myself getting her in at all now. I'm also annoyed that he's emailed that with no indication of what's actually happened, I told him I needed to know what I was dealing with, as I've no idea if she has done something to upset them or they've been making her life difficult.

I just don't think it's good enough as a reply.

Fair enough. You might find him more forthcoming in a phone call than he will commit to in writing wrt the disagreement, but achieving that can be a job in itself

I think I’m on the start of this thread. I’ve stopped coming on MN because Dd moved beyond this thread. So I’m trying to give you all hope.

Self harm, mute, severe anxiety, school refusal, fight for EHCP. Been through it all.

She turned herself round. Went to college to do an access course after refusing to attend during A levels. Much prefers it. Has gone from wanting to do an art degree to doing an access course in Maths which she’s really good at. Made friends.

We had her at home for 18 months at 16 and 17. The despair. But also we spent a lot of time with her. But the burnout settled eventually and our happy laughing child came back. As a young adult. She still has her moments, and is still tired. But she’s on her way.

But now she’s spread her wings and is off.

Good luck to you all. Someone once said this to me. ‘ND step off the path for a while, but get back in later.’

I held onto this in my deepest darkest moments. I hope this gives you all a chink of light. 🤞🏻🤞🏻🌤️

Thats really lovely to read and reassuring. Thank you for posting ArseInTheCoOpWindow

Hello, so glad I've found this thread. DD is 13y, Y9, ASD (+ likely ADHD), with brand new EHCP. She's really struggling in a massive MS school. She was fatigued and nearly burnt out before half term. I had hoped the break and lots of pyjama days would be restorative but instead she's found it almost impossible to go back. She's missed several days of school this month due to EBSA and the SENCo has taken her out of a few classes that are particularly overwhelming in terms of sensory (pe, drama, art) to reduce the demand on her. Still, she's finding it so hard to attend even on the days when she only has three lessons to go to.

After a bit of love/hate about the school, I got to the point where I really wanted it to work out. The SEN team is really good but they can't change the things that are the major barriers for DD -- the sensory overwhelm, the social interactions. So more and more we're feeling like it's inevitable that we'll need to change schools, either to an ASD specialist school that supports bright, academically strong kids, or an online platform like Minerva's. And either option would involve another tribunal appeal. Plus DD doesn't want to move (of course she wouldn't welcome such a big transition), even though she says she knows she's should.

It's heartbreaking to see my bright, beautiful child struggle so much. She says she wants to be learning but she just can't deal with seeing so many people and everything else that goes with a normal school day.

I'll start reading through the thread and maybe find some strategies that we haven't tried. Meeting with the SENCo tomorrow, so will see if they have any new ideas.

Thanks for sharing your update @ArseInTheCoOpWindow it really is comforting to hear that your DD (and you!) have made it out the other side. I hope it continues on that trajectory!

Hi @SpaceInvader321 have you a school in mind where your DD could go?
I hope your meeting today is constructive. One good thing you have the tools in place to try to open some doors to getting your DD to a happier place. At least DD is y9 and you may be able to get her on the right path for her by y10. I think it gets more despairing then for parents.
Good luck with the meeting. See if you can get some definite directions school can offer. 💐

Hoping someone can give advice as I'm currently feeling overwhelmed with DS11's EBSA situation.

He’s had difficulties with transition into school since Y1, which escalated during Covid. On return we had a few occasions of him running down the road to get away.

We managed to keep him attending in primary with a lot of support and amendments from the school to get him in (waiting in SEN room until the start of school, sensory circuits etc). We did a lot of work with a CAMHS parent led interventions (ladders etc) which had some success.

Unsurprisingly since secondary transition the anxiety has escalated. He’s now been unable to go in for over a week. He says he feels scared, doesn't feel safe in school.

We're at the start of this journey so I just don’t know what steps to be taking. The school have put some provision in place (eg he can start the day in a quiet room, has a pass to leave class) but we can’t even get him through the door.

Main issues are severe anxiety, which leads to meltdowns under stress. He has friends at school who he misses and he wants to be ‘normal’ but just doesn’t seem to cope with the school environment. Hes also academically bright.

We are meeting with school SENCO on Monday and GP on Wednesday. What should we be asking for? I’m not sure about ND as he definitely has some signs but doesn’t present obviously. It just feels like an upward battle for anyone to even speak to us or offer any kind of help.

I'm reading everyone's situations on here and on Not Fine In School and just thinking maybe we a) go to a private child psychiatrist for diagnosis and possible meds and b) save ourselves months or years of fighting and put him straight into online school, and supplement with lots of sports and social groups outside of that. The thing holding me back is his friendship groups.

We've already gone through so much as a family (DD is just showing signs of recovery after 2.5 years of eating disorder treatment, and DH nearly died earlier this year and spent a month in ICU). None of this helped DS anxiety at all, but I just feel so drained at having to battle for support again.

Any views on this? Should we save ourselves the heartache and accept DS just needs to be schooled in a different way?

That's so sad to hear @LittlePickleHead .

I'm a massive home ed advocate pm me anytime for my views.

In my opinion your sons friendship groups in school will get damaged anyway with his EBSA.
You have gone through loads as a family and you know how damaging jumping through the school system hoops etc is through your dad's awful illness.
Your son probably needs some recovery time from his trauma.
I would see what his options are in moving schools etc and make any decisions over Xmas.
All I can say is there are huge home ed communities all over the country some good meet ups for outdoor fun. Where my GS goes swimming are launching home ed pe lessons after Xmas. You won't need to look far to find loads going on.
Others have lots of advice on here about managing the situation and staying in the LA. Because when you withdraw for home ed you self fund everything.

Personally, I would not EHE. That doesn’t mean DS has to attend school if he isn’t able to. Parents often find it easier, although not easy, to get support if their DC remains in the system. At the moment, the school and LA remain responsible. Crudely, at the minute, you are someone’s ‘problem’. Whereas is easier for professionals to sweep DS’s needs under the carpet if you EHE.

If DS can’t attend school full time the LA has a duty to ensure he still receives a suitable full-time education. This should begin as soon as it becomes clear DS will miss 15 days. These days don’t need to have already been missed or consecutive. And provision should begin by the sixth day of absence. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can use to request this provision. The school should inform the LA anyway, but it is best to request provision directly because they don’t always and when they do, it is often not promptly. However, if you EHE the LA will say you are making suitable alternative arrangements, thereby relieving them of their duty.

Alongside this, request an EHCNA. IPSEA also has a model letter for this. The benefit of this route rather than self funding is an EHCP can fund far more provision, including therapeutic provision, than the vast majority of parents can afford to self fund.

Is DS still under CAMHS?

Sorry I meant to type dd's awful illness not dad's.^^

Thanks so much both, really helpful points of view.

DS is not under camhs, his primary school referred him back for further support but they said he doesn't meet the threshold for additional support. I still have to fill out the online questionnaires periodically but despite him being raised across the board doesn't seem to trigger anything.

Will look into the forms below and get started. I'm just so nervous about how long this will take and currently he's just sat at home going more and more into his shell.

Can we do online schooling whilst keeping him on the roll? Just seeing how long EHCPs can take and how many get refused. I don't want him doing nothing during that time.

We had had a lot of family health trauma her dad had a heart attack then kidney failure her brother had a life changing accident when my DD went through her main period of EBSA about 13/14 years ago.. Children really go through it when their are health problems in the family and it can be like hitting a brick wall every day trying to live the normal life when everything has changed at home and you wonder if things will ever be normal again.
I remember DD having a lot of bitchiness off friends because she was helping with care responsibilities at home. They basically ditched her and did not care. And that was there prerogative but it just adds to the trauma.

@Luddite26 We're considering Minvera's for online school. Our SENCo said he's open to considering a hybrid arrangement so DD could continue the classes she's able to access in MS (she loves her Maths teacher, for example) and could do some of the in-person work with her LSA there, and could do online for other classes. Another option is an ASD unit where she could take as many MS classes as she's able and do a reduced GCSE load, but I need to talk with that school to explore properly.

I've only started to familiarise myself with EOTAS, so need to learn more about that too.

Haven't spoken with the LA yet. Our previous case worker has left and new one is on leave so won't hear back until next week at earliest. I had thought we might incorporate a change of setting into our current content appeal, but the hearing is six months away and I think we need to decide pretty soon, so I suppose we'll need an emergency or early review of her EHCP.

I know the LA claims the SS panel only meets twice a year but our SENCo seemed to think that's rubbish.

@LittlePickleHead if you EHE, DS will not remain on the school’s roll.

If alternative provision is made under s19 of the Education Act 1996, DS will remain on the school’s roll. This can include online schooling or online tutoring.

The EHCP process is governed by statutory timescales, so unless you have to appeal, which I appreciate some do, some more than once, from first request to finalised EHCP, it takes a maximum of 20 weeks. LAs often think these timescales don’t apply to them. They do. If they breach them, you can force them to act, via judicial review if necessary.

If/when you get an EHCP, online schooling can be part of EOTAS (also known as EOTIS). DC with EOTAS/EOTIS packages are not on the roll of a school and there is not a school named in section I of the EHCP.

Push for another CAMHS referral.

@SearchingForSolitude this is so helpful, thank you so much. Have a much better understanding of the steps to take.

Just so I understand, s19 can be applied for ahead of an ECHP so we could ask for online learning before it's granted?

@LittlePickleHead provision under s19 of the Education Act 1996 is completely separate from the EHCP process.

The duty is to ensure DC still receives a suitable full-time education even though they can’t attend school full-time.

What this provision looks like varies. It depends on the LA and individual circumstances. However, it can include online provision.

@SpaceInvader321 we've also been looking at Minerva. Are you likely to get any of it funded? I'm really impressed with what I've seen so far

Won't school send him any work?
My two use a website called IXL for online English and maths, I use CPG books and something called the £2 tuition hub if you wanted to get your son doing some work at home without much commitment. If school are patchy at giving him any.
I especially like CPG books.
We are doing loads of Christmas crafts🌲 right now too which may or may not be your ds's cup of tea but it's pretty therapeutic, even the 15 year old will sit down and join in with us. Loads of inexpensive bits in The Range or on Baker Ross.
This is just a suggestion as you said about keeping him busy. I am not saying to EHE right now your senco seems cooperative if you can see how far you can go with them. 💐

@LittlePickleHead I'm waiting for the LA to get back to me so we can discuss but I would want to get it funded at part of an EOTAS package.

I agree, MVA looks really good.

Hi,
Hope you don't mind me joining.
DS12 AuDHD is having another wobble.

For clarity- we had a period of about 2 years post covid when he was in primary where it was a real struggle. School didn't believe he would be diagnosed, he was "fine in school" and it was very traumatic.
Got diagnosis, went to mediation and basically wrote my own kids SEN plan, which helped.

Now he's in secondary. Y7 was traumatic but school was trying and he had a TA he trusted.

Y8 and we're back in the throws of it.

He masks so much at school to fly under the radar.
He's still making it in every day but had a tummy bug which kept him off for a few days. So, now his attendance is down.

We've had multiple "how to get your child to school" passive aggressive emails and now they want him to head up to the front of the class and tick a box and be congratulated every day he's in.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

All his teachers have changed, his TA hasn't moved up with him, we've not had a SEN plan this year and frankly, he's being left to it, other than this.
To be clear, DS is not motivated by attendance target. He's highly academic, and just wants to get stuff done and get home.

I'm about to start the fight again for them to understand what's going on but if I have to do this every school year it won't just be DS that's getting burnt out - it's just exhausting.

Side note: he won't be ticking boxes. My VERY strongly worded email saw to that.

Don't know what I'm after here, just feeling very drained by it all again

@QuitChewingMyPlectrum you are here because it is a safe space for you to talk about it without judgement to others who are on a similar dreaded path. You must be feeling so frustrated at the very least. It's shocking how disjointed schools can be and no thoughts for the effects on kids.💐

@Luddite26 we've asked school to send him work but so far they haven't - hoping after the SENCO meeting on Monday we will have a bit more of a plan.

You would just think it would be easy to get work sent out and lessons loaded onto tablets these days

@QuitChewingMyPlectrum have you requested an EHCNA?

@LittlePickleHead the school doesn’t have to provide work to do at home. And work sent home doesn’t relieve the LA of their duty to ensure DC still receive a suitable full-time education.