The EBSA support thread (emotionally based school avoidance/absence)

[BrambleyHedge]

Following this thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4996315-a-question-to-all-those-who-think-school-refusal-in-schools-is-increasing-due-to-lazy-enabling-parents?latest=1

I wondered if some people would welcome an EBSA support thread. I haven't seen another one so if there is already one I can delete this one. For those dealing with EBSA - I don't know about you but sometimes I just want to cry and scream with all the stress and I thought it might be healthier to write it down and share with others going through similar issues.

My son is 15 yr 11 and is currently upstairs refusing to go to his mock GCSE this morning. He is too anxious. He is only doing 5 GCSEs and has small group tutoring in his school rather than the normal classes. There are several in his year with EBSA so they have their own group. He is finally being assessed for ASD after 2.5 years in CAMHs list and also finally being assessed for EHCP after mediation due to council refusal to assess. He is what they used to call high functioning but unable to deal with education. I am practically in tears this morning trying to get him to go in. He usually doesn't go in until about 11 so this is early. He doesn't sleep.

So enough about me. If you too are having a crappy morning then please talk.

It would be good if this thread can be for those who are dealing with EBSA. Well meant advice or judgement from others may not always be welcome or helpful. I have tried literally everything over the last two years to get my son to school and am learning much of this is beyond my control. Sometimes there just isn't an answer.

I have put this in Chat for now so it gets seen. It could fit in education, SEN, or some other subjects.

Not really! With DD9 we are going to sit on the school car park and just speak to the teachers on the phone for a little while first. Very small baby steps.

I have no idea for DD14 I feel so sad for her, she was trying so hard, it was easy to see.

Good news about your DS being in! Hopefully like you said he’ll enjoy seeing his mates and catching up.

Just wishing everyone on the thread the very best for the start of term. It’s nice to have a bit of a community here. It’s not always easy for others whose kids don’t have EBSA to understand.

Yes, a lot of kids don’t want the holidays to end, but the start of term for our kids is basically hellish. As parents we (and more importantly our kids, if they are at school) will be facing a shitload of well-meant minimisation of our kids’ needs and their distress by their schools and by the local authority this week/this term. So I wish you all well and hope that you/we can all get the right things put in place at school or AP or EOTAS or homeschool, whatever is right for our kids. Keep going!

Hi I have been wondering how everyone has been going on during the break.
How has today gone @ImAlwaysknackered and @Piony.
@BrambleyHedge how are you and your son?
What is September bringing for everyone?

Good luck for tomorrow @PardontheFrench .
Sometimes this situation often clicks into place. Fingers crossed it does for your DD.x

Start of year 9 has not gone well for us sadly. First day yesterday was a no go. Currently trying (and failing) to get him up this morning.
Back to fighting with school I guess!

Hope everyone else's days have been easier

Dd took a couple of weeks to transition into the holiday, anxiety about starting back has been growing for the last couple of weeks. First day yesterday, anxiety really high but I had forewarned tutor and within an hour or so I could hear that dd was easing back into it. Textiles tutor today so I'm expecting similar. EOTAS hasn't cured the school trauma but with trusted people on board we can manage it better.

Unfortunately 2nd day a no go for us at DD’s new school, lots of tears about how she doesn’t like it, doesn’t know anyone, doesn’t know where she is going, doesn’t understand the work.

We have tried to rationalise with her about how it takes more than one day for things to feel in place and familiar, it’s not that she doesn’t like it, it’s she doesn’t know it yet but unfortunately no luck of her changing her mind.

She has asked to go back to her old school which isn’t possible distance wise and were absolutely awful!

Naomi Fisher had a good read on Substack about school refusal this week. I find these things reassuring. I believe she is also on Facebook.
I listened to a good podcast on Spotify by HEFA it was from July 12th about home education and PDA.
I'm not saying have a listen to push the home ed agenda in any way. But hearing how someone else is trying to plod through the mud is really interesting because sometimes you get more understanding from strangers.
I think there are podcasts on EBSA too which I'm going to have a listen to. When you home ed so many people tell you school is better. Of course home ed isn't the answer for everyone at all.

♥️ To everyone.

@Luddite26 I will have a listen.

I’d love to hear how other parents make it work when they are both working.

My DD begs to be home educated every day but DH and I are out of the house most of the time and just don’t think she would be self motivated enough to get on with the work.

@hiredandsqueak if restarting provision after holidays is difficult for DD, have you thought about asking for provision to continue year round or for part of the holidays? Or for the same amount of provision currently received, but stretched across more weeks in a package delivered flexibly and responsively over 45/48/52 weeks to support continuity, consistency and engagement.

I’ve not long had a meeting with the head/senco.

she was very honest and said she doesn’t see my DD being able to come back to school any time soon. She did mention looking around other schools to see if it was just a school issue but she said she doesn’t want to change school and it will just be the same.

she thinks she has adhd and will tell the paediatricians that. Says ehcp may well be rejected due to not being a multitude of issues. She is academically able and isn’t behind. Says she will still try if we want her to.

back to taking things very slow and just letting her chat on the phone to teacher when she wants to. :(

DD14 just keeps telling me she can’t.

both awaiting counselling via charities rather than CAHMS.

@ImAlwaysknackered EHCPs are about far more than academic ability. Academically able DC can have EHCPs. If DD is unable to attend school, she meets the legal threshold for an EHCNA. Request an EHCNA yourself using the model letter on IPSEA’s website. And appeal if the LA refuse to assess or refuse to issue.

In the meantime, is section 19 provision in place?

No she’s had no education since mid April :(

@ImAlwaysknackered you should request alternative provision. On IPSEA’s website, they have a model letter you can use. Be careful trusting the school too much because they should have already referred for this and provision should already be in place.

Yes it's unmanageable for many.
I guess from listening to others some WFH or don't work from choice or circumstance. I have heard of parents having to finish work because of EBSA mainly losing their jobs.

In my own opinion it's easier for teenagers. I worked (own business) when mine were in their teens and stopped going to school. And there are more online resources now than ever before.

I don't want to come across on here as if home ed is the paradise you all need. I know what he'll you are going through. This was an interesting pod because the mum is talking about home ed not being the best solution etc.
And of course once you opt out the LA are free of responsibility.

I just feel from my own experiences that EBSA is damaging long term into adulthood for some because of the underlying issues the young person has. And the way schools treat pupils can be horrendous and I feel really strongly about that. I feel listening to others experience is a sanity saver.

@ImAlwaysknackered yes many SENCos have said that yet the parents have managed to secure an EHCP.

Sorry to see so many children struggling so much. @hiredandsqueak sounds cautiously like a good start with EOTAS.

DS has attended 3/3 days on his heavily reduced timetable, but I think Y11 is going to be about social skills and communication, not GCSEs. Goodness only knows what he will do next year.

I'm so angry at how little provision there seems to be for children with SEMH needs at age 16-19.

Tbh she needs the holidays so I think spreading it thinner might be worse. Other tutor here today and she is beaming so I think it was first day nerves.

What was that statistic (I think it was on here?) about a high percentage of school refusing people having undiagnosed special needs?
And where did it come from?
Does anyone know?

DD15 had a good first week back. She's been off since October 2033 and had section 19 provision last term. During the summer she met up with her school friends often and they became quite a tight group.

We met with the Senco during this week's inset days and agreed DD will do half days from 11am, she can go to the quietspace at will, sit with her friends in class. The SENCo really seemed to be trying to help. The reapplication for ECHNA will be done in a couple of weeks. Just waiting on some paperwork from CAMHS.

DD was very doubtful she could go in, but we're taking each day at time. She went to one of her friends party today and said "see you on Monday " when she was leaving her house.

Fingers crossed 😵‍💫!!!

I meant 2023!!

purpleme12, EBSA to the level people are discussing on this thread can be a form of SEN in its own right.

Yes but I was referring to the quote
Perhaps it was somewhere else I saw it

Wherever you saw a quote doesn’t matter because DC with EBSA to the extent discussed have SEN.

Ok I was just interested in the statistic that I was referring to that's all and just wondered if anyone remembers that's all!

When my child first went off school for several months with EBSA, school were well aware why. They marked the absence as I for illness. The school or the LA didn’t provide anything educationally for my child during that period though- but I now understand that’s not what’s meant to happen.

Is that traumatic period of just being left with no education for my child who was out of school due to EBSA, my fault because I didn’t know to ask the local authority to provide any education, the school’s fault for not providing anything themselves or asking the LA to, or the LA’s fault for not knowing or not acting on a child being off school that long to provide education?

Is it something I can complain about? To the school or to the local authority? I just feel really upset how many stories I hear of kids out of school with no education or support for months and years. I have no confidence that if EBSA means my kid has another chunk of time outside school that there would be any help in future. Despite these more punitive rules that are coming in about absence from schools.

SearchingforSolitude you said being unable to go to school due to EBSA meets the standard for an ECHNA to happen. Can you say more about this? Is that written down somewhere.
That makes total sense but many parents with kids out of school are waiting to apply themselves or waiting for a school to do it which can take months. If they could just say to the LA that their child meets the criteria that would save a lot of wasted time for the child and stress and effort for parents and schools.