The EBSA support thread (emotionally based school avoidance/absence)

[BrambleyHedge]

Following this thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4996315-a-question-to-all-those-who-think-school-refusal-in-schools-is-increasing-due-to-lazy-enabling-parents?latest=1

I wondered if some people would welcome an EBSA support thread. I haven't seen another one so if there is already one I can delete this one. For those dealing with EBSA - I don't know about you but sometimes I just want to cry and scream with all the stress and I thought it might be healthier to write it down and share with others going through similar issues.

My son is 15 yr 11 and is currently upstairs refusing to go to his mock GCSE this morning. He is too anxious. He is only doing 5 GCSEs and has small group tutoring in his school rather than the normal classes. There are several in his year with EBSA so they have their own group. He is finally being assessed for ASD after 2.5 years in CAMHs list and also finally being assessed for EHCP after mediation due to council refusal to assess. He is what they used to call high functioning but unable to deal with education. I am practically in tears this morning trying to get him to go in. He usually doesn't go in until about 11 so this is early. He doesn't sleep.

So enough about me. If you too are having a crappy morning then please talk.

It would be good if this thread can be for those who are dealing with EBSA. Well meant advice or judgement from others may not always be welcome or helpful. I have tried literally everything over the last two years to get my son to school and am learning much of this is beyond my control. Sometimes there just isn't an answer.

I have put this in Chat for now so it gets seen. It could fit in education, SEN, or some other subjects.

EHCPerhaps yes, you can complain about the lack of section 19 provision. I would complain both to the school (they should have referred for medical needs tuition and requested an EHCNA) and the LA (ultimately it is the LA’s responsibility to ensure CSA pupils unable to attend school still receive a suitable full-time education).

The legal test for an EHCNA is set out in section 36(8) of the Children and Families Act 2014. The threshold is relatively low - a) has or may have SEN, and b) may need special educational provision to be made via an EHCP. A DC who cannot attend school full time meet that threshold. Parents, the school or another professional will still need to request an EHCNA. Parents can do it themselves using IPSEA’s model letter. That doesn’t necessarily mean the LA will agree to assess. After all, LAs often act unlawfully. If that happens, the parents should appeal.

Thank you SearchingforSolitude OK I will complain. I just feel like if I don’t nothing will change. It’s not OK how cavalier schools and LAs have had to become (for want of government funding) about kids with SEND and EBSA missing months and years of their education.

@EHCPerhaps if DC is unable to attend again in future, if section 19 provision isn’t forthcoming after you have requested it, you need a pre-action letter because section 19 provision can be enforced via JR if necessary.

My ECNHA request was recently accepted by the LA. I don’t trust DD’s school to contribute much helpful content though. Is this going to be a problem for us in getting an EHCP? There must be a lot of schools who wrongly say everything is OK?

DD school don’t understand SEMH needs or sensory and dont seem to want to engage to allow me to suggest how they could help with these. They’ve not responded to my requests for an urgent meeting now school is back.

They’ve asked DD to come for a meeting next week though. DD doesn’t know what it’s about. It might be a benign start of the new year check in (which has never happened before). I’m worried they may ask DD what accommodations she needs from them, or what she finds difficult. Either to inform how they work with her, or worse for the EHCNA response. DD can’t articulate that and might just say she doesn’t know why school is so hard to go to or what might help if she’s there. She might say everything is fine.

There must be a lot of schools who wrongly say everything is OK?

@EHCPerhaps sadly, there is. Some incorrectly tell parents their DC don’t need or won’t get an EHCP. Many say DC are fine when they are anything but and the school just isn’t seeing the signs or recognising them for what they are.

You don’t need the school to support the EHCNA, although it can make it easier. What you should do is make sure you request all the relevant advice and information. Advice and information from an EP must be sought but you need to request SALT and OT. Depending on DD’s needs, maybe things like physio and clinical psychologist &/or psychiatrist. Then make sure any assessments are undertaken correctly and the LA sticks to the statutory timescales.

In the meantime, remind the school they must make their best endeavours to meet DD’s SEN and they must make reasonable adjustments. One reasonable adjustment could be knowing what the meeting is about in advance.

Thank you so much SearchingforSolitude you’re very kind to post so supportively on here. It’s such a demoralising system

I’m curious how do you go about getting the EHCP assessment when the child won’t go on school grounds?

The same way parents request an EHCNA for a child who does attend. Parents can use IPSEA’s model letter.

Yes but how are the assessments done? Do EPs visit children at home?

They can be done at home. Or at a clinic/LA building sometimes (some DC can leave the house but can’t cope with professionals in their safe space). Some are also done virtually. IMO LA reports undertaken virtually are often poor (even poorer than normal) so this is to be avoided where possible.

My DD is the same but we both work (ironically as teachers!). As well as wanting someone to supervise her at home, we worry about being able to sort out her exams privately and get her to them. One of us hopes to reduce hours in a year or so but not financially possible at this point.

How old is your DC? A part-time timetable has helped a bit for us but DC is old enough to get the bus home alone and stay at home alone for a while.

We have had a slightly more positive start to the year - contacted the new Head of Year before the start of term. He hadn't been passed on any information about our DD, including the fact that she'd been on a reduced timetable for months. However we had a meeting before she had to go back and already there has been more pastoral support put on place. I don't know how long it will last but it is a relief to feel.like someone is finally listening. I applied for an EHCP over the summer - waiting for the rejection letter!

Good luck to everyone going through this.

That’s interesting thank you! I don’t think she will go in to a clinical setting either. Last time we went the GP she ran out of the surgery and I was looking for her for 15 minutes along with other people in the village!

@EHCPerhaps
I'm not sure how old your DD is, but that sounds like my son. Struggles to articulate himself and often tells the school that everything is fine and there's no reason he isn't in!
We just go round in circles though, what he was struggling with a year ago, he is still struggling with now and asking him the same question millions of times doesn't change anything.

@lavenderlou DD is 13, she did fairly well in secondary until she was in Y8 and then it was like a light went out.

I think we are going to have to consider a part time timetable though as I’m not will for her mental health to be compromised and I think that’s the route we are going down for all of us if we carry on the way we are going.

@SearchingForSolitude Thank you so much for all you support and advice on these threads, I still have all you comments screen shot and in a useful information folder on my phone from when you replied a post about DD at the start of the year.

DH and I have admitted to each other we feel out of depth and need some help with DD. We cannot get her into school at all, she did the 1st day of her new school last Thursday and has refused to go back since, there is absolutely no rationalising with her, she hates it, doesn’t know it and isn’t going.

We can get angry and we all end up upset and shouting, doesn’t work.

We can spend ages cuddling, reassuring her, supporting her, it doesn’t work.

The most we are able to get is her out of her bed and being productive with pets, bedroom, baking/cooking etc.

We have a meeting with the lovely SEN lead from the school in an hour which DD has agreed to come to but at this point I’m not sure what is going to change.

Really no idea where to go and feeling absolutely clueless about it.

@PardontheFrench you are welcome. I hope the meeting went well.

It sounds like you need to request section 19 provision and an EHCNA if you haven’t already (sorry I can’t remember the background).

Interacting with your pets and baking cooking are excellent starts you can build on. Do the pets need walking? Can you work towards DD researching a new recipe. Then the next of going out and buying the ingredients? Gets DD out of the house with a life skills aim. There are APs which can build on both too. You might want to look at animal assisted therapy if you can afford it/for when you get an EHCP.

If you'd like to chat, feel free to PM me? Both mine have EHCPs. It's a battle, but worth it as they also have good ones.

anyone else’s child just can’t go school? My 9 year old will not step foot in the school. Even ran off from the car park. She won’t speak to any teachers, won’t even go in the car park. Won’t go near the place

My 9 year old has just started a special school after a whole year of doing this. He is autistic and it was anxiety about the school work and the school day which was the main trigger for this.
Are there any additional needs with your dd ?

Have you applied for an EHCP?

Two of mine had EBSA and now go to a special school with expertise in it.

We think she has ADHD as do school. I think her fear is being trapped so to speak. She has a fear of vomit and needs to be able to have some sort of escape route if that makes sense?

Literally just starting the process. She’s adamant she is not going any school and wants to stay where she is! Makes no sense to me but obviously does to her. She frequently goes in to fight or flight. And flight always wins.

10pfreddos my child has just started year 8. I’m sorry your son is in the same boat. She can’t tell me what the problem is with school and shuts down the conversation almost immediately very angrily. Keen to keep a total divide between home and school. But from other comments made I am piercing together a picture- it’s sensory, SEMH, the other kids being unpredictable, the adults not being around enough or physically close enough or asking her to do impossible things. The transition points in the day, the food, the uniform, getting lost on site, older kids being mean, long list of things. I hope you can get to the bottom of it for your DS.

ImAlwaysknackered
The running away part is really scary and difficult, massive sympathies. It’s good to document it to use for your application for EHCNA review even though it’s massively stressful

That's because she doesn't know anything other than the school that she's afraid of.

Ehcp request pending. I cannot keep doing this. At the end of the day she did however go and say hello to two of the teachers which is progress! I’m just really hoping we can build on it. 😔