The EBSA support thread (emotionally based school avoidance/absence)

[BrambleyHedge]

Following this thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4996315-a-question-to-all-those-who-think-school-refusal-in-schools-is-increasing-due-to-lazy-enabling-parents?latest=1

I wondered if some people would welcome an EBSA support thread. I haven't seen another one so if there is already one I can delete this one. For those dealing with EBSA - I don't know about you but sometimes I just want to cry and scream with all the stress and I thought it might be healthier to write it down and share with others going through similar issues.

My son is 15 yr 11 and is currently upstairs refusing to go to his mock GCSE this morning. He is too anxious. He is only doing 5 GCSEs and has small group tutoring in his school rather than the normal classes. There are several in his year with EBSA so they have their own group. He is finally being assessed for ASD after 2.5 years in CAMHs list and also finally being assessed for EHCP after mediation due to council refusal to assess. He is what they used to call high functioning but unable to deal with education. I am practically in tears this morning trying to get him to go in. He usually doesn't go in until about 11 so this is early. He doesn't sleep.

So enough about me. If you too are having a crappy morning then please talk.

It would be good if this thread can be for those who are dealing with EBSA. Well meant advice or judgement from others may not always be welcome or helpful. I have tried literally everything over the last two years to get my son to school and am learning much of this is beyond my control. Sometimes there just isn't an answer.

I have put this in Chat for now so it gets seen. It could fit in education, SEN, or some other subjects.

We had this.

Then the child who wouldn’t speak to teachers decided she would. I guess she felt safe!

Oh you must be near us! We're also on the was CAMHS, was Psicon, now Owl Centre fairground ride.

She's saying she doesn't want to visit. Gutted

You know your DD but this might be a tough love situation? When DD2 got completely overwhelmed by having SaLT sessions, she desperately wanted to stop them. But I knew it would be the key to unlocking life for the future. They are communication skill sessions more than speech. I said to her "DD2, I know this is tough. I know you don't want to. But if you give this up now, you may never get it back again." We made compromises by cutting the session in half, etc. The SaLT is her biggest advocate today, sees her weekly for a couple of hours, and negotiates all her provision from the LA.

I would do anything to get her there. Bribes - favourite lunch after? Promising that she only has to stay 10 minutes (and sticking to it). Letting her wear headphones and use her phone. Whatever works.

If you can get her past the front gates that might be enough. You never know what the school are looking for - it might be that someone who clams up and doesn't talk to a stranger, or even doesn't leave the car first off, is exactly the student they think they can help. Even MS schools understand when some autistic students need multiple trips to just get out of the car.

If you absolutely can't get her there today could you negotiate a trial run today (say driving to look at the building perhaps) and rearranging the meeting to really quite soon, if school is amenable? Sometimes another run at it is the charm.

Best thing to do is completely draw a line under school.
"When a flower doesn't bloom you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower."
With the greatest respect people give very damaging advice on this subject. Force will not work, period. It's better for the parent to change their perspective, school is not the be all and end all. An interruption from education is not life threatening. Most young people do turn things around, you just have to give it time. Don't send your child back to somewhere that made them sick.

Oh no what time is your appointment? I hope this resolves and you get to go or rearranges. 💐

I hate CAMHs right now. I appreciate they are underfunded but I still hate them. We have a diagnosis and still no support. They even asked me who had diagnosed him with ADHD the other day... It was them (or their sub contractor).

I need to review our draft EHCP today. It is all written as it he is at school. Which he isn't. He isn't receiving any education so it seems a bit like a pointless bit of paper. I wonder if I should edit it to ask for a home tutor or something. He probably still won't get out of bed for it.

@BrambleyHedge one of the benefit of an EHCP is therapies can be included beyond what is typically available via CAMHS. You will probably have to appeal though, but it sounds like you are going to have to anyway. Home tuition via the EHCP is possible. You would need to prove it is inappropriate for the provision to be made in a school. There are also options for those where formal tuition isn’t appropriate. But all will require evidence, so if you appeal you should look at independent assessments.

In the meantime, the LA should have been providing s19 provision. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can use to request this.

We made it thank goodness. She was v nervous and clingy and didn't speak !! But liked what she saw. Just a waiting game now to see if they can meet her needs and if we can get funding.

Well done to you and your daughter @lollipoprainbow . I hope they offer her a place.

Well done @lollipoprainbow . One step at a time.

DD2 doing well so far with online school. Only day two but all good. I didn't have to wake her up, she got up naturally both days at 9 o clock and even boiled a couple of eggs for me with her own this morning - and they were perfect!

The student support person seemed really nice.

It's a lot of self study so takes some getting used to. But will set her up for her future if she can crack it now.

We've even done things like writing emails together which she was much more patient about and open to than in the past- that in itself was a short English lesson.

I feel so much more involved but in a positive way.

My DD (Y9) has found going back after the Easter holidays so hard. She was just diagnosed with autism so I was hoping that would open doors to a bit more support from school but they haven't even responded to my email asking for a meeting about it. DD messages me throughout the day begging to be picked up. I did call and ask someone from the pastoral team to support her and they did go and speak to her but nothing seems to help.

Has anyone found anything that has helped their child other than taking them out of school? I'm going to do an EHCNA request but that will take forever. I wish we could just hime school her but both DH and I work full time outside the home (as teachers, ironically) and just can't afford to give up work. Have looked at online schools but too expensive.

@lavenderlou if DD can’t attend school the LA has a duty under s19 of the Education Act 1996 to ensure she still receives a suitable full-time education. It can be provided in many forms including online schooling. You don’t have to give up work for this, and it is separate to the EHCNA process.

@BrambleyHedge
I hope you can have some sort of big push and get a response or maybe have a look for some legal advice.

Good to hear some positive news from @lollipoprainbow and
@shearwater2.

I was just wondering if there were many parents on here of children who don’t have ASD or suspected ASD? My DD is at the beginning of being investigated for ASD but I do wonder if the only reason we have thought about this is because of the school avoidance. If she had carried on going to school and not avoided we probably wouldn’t have looked to seek a diagnosis. We wouldn’t have noticed things like we notice them
now.

Another Monday!
I am dreading the attempt to wake up DD.

Well allegedly, a marker will have been added to the register so I don't have to phone/email DD3 in sick. I'll see what happens at around 11 when they send their 'your child didn't register today...' texts. Hopefully I shouldn't get one.

@Stripedpanda I have DC with ASD/ADHD, but I also have a DS who doesn’t, but does have other complex needs. My DS with complex needs isn’t in school. He has EOTAS via his EHCP.

Although, for some, particularly some autistic teen girls, EBSA is the initial sign that triggers them/parents/school raising the question though, so don’t rule it out just because that is the trigger for you seeking an assessment.

Thanks for your reply @SearchingForSolitude

@Stripedpanda in my experience of my own dds EBSA my DD who has as an adult had terrible MH problems and been diagnosed with ADHD and ASD as an adult was the one who refused school for a few months in y9 but managed a full return for y10/11.
But we look back now and think that was an early experience of autistic burnout.
The DD who was more a serial refuser hasn't been diagnosed with any neuro diversity but has suffered from anxiety since she was very young.
Our experience at Cahmns was hopeless - they discharged her saying she would be ok if she never lived with her father again.
I don't know whether it has any significance it was in the 00s and 2010s.
Currently have a Reception aged child who refused to carry on after Xmas. So he's now home ed as we didn't want to start all the rigmarole trying etc. he is Nd.

My child is 10.
She has refused to go to school today.
This is the first time.
'she is sad and her feelings are all jumbled up and school will make it worse' to sum it up very simply
I have tried for an hour and a half.
I don't think we're going to make it today.

What do I do if this happens again?!?

It all depends on what has made your DD feel like that today @purpleme12.

Is it related to school or something out of school?
It could be a one off or it could be the first day of a long and frustrating, heartbreaking journey.