The EBSA support thread (emotionally based school avoidance/absence)

[BrambleyHedge]

Following this thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4996315-a-question-to-all-those-who-think-school-refusal-in-schools-is-increasing-due-to-lazy-enabling-parents?latest=1

I wondered if some people would welcome an EBSA support thread. I haven't seen another one so if there is already one I can delete this one. For those dealing with EBSA - I don't know about you but sometimes I just want to cry and scream with all the stress and I thought it might be healthier to write it down and share with others going through similar issues.

My son is 15 yr 11 and is currently upstairs refusing to go to his mock GCSE this morning. He is too anxious. He is only doing 5 GCSEs and has small group tutoring in his school rather than the normal classes. There are several in his year with EBSA so they have their own group. He is finally being assessed for ASD after 2.5 years in CAMHs list and also finally being assessed for EHCP after mediation due to council refusal to assess. He is what they used to call high functioning but unable to deal with education. I am practically in tears this morning trying to get him to go in. He usually doesn't go in until about 11 so this is early. He doesn't sleep.

So enough about me. If you too are having a crappy morning then please talk.

It would be good if this thread can be for those who are dealing with EBSA. Well meant advice or judgement from others may not always be welcome or helpful. I have tried literally everything over the last two years to get my son to school and am learning much of this is beyond my control. Sometimes there just isn't an answer.

I have put this in Chat for now so it gets seen. It could fit in education, SEN, or some other subjects.

DD15 is still asleep. When she goes in she never manages a full day. I've found a later start gives more chance of going in and managing to stay there.

We have just 4 more weeks and then 4 weeks of the exams. At present just managing to sit a reasonable number of exams will be a success. There won't be any pass grades.

I just hope her mental health can withstand the exam weeks. Then, hopefully, we can get off this nightmare of an education system.

She has hopefully a college place for a level 1 along with maths and English. The summer will be spent trying to build her confidence and focusing on hopefully, a better time at college. If college doesn't work it will be time for a specialist placement (like gold dust) or home tutors for maths and English.

I'm so sad that everything is so difficult right now. Wishing everyone else the strength needed to last until the summer.

@EvenStillIWantTo oh that sounds so hard. Is there an online school offer that you could pay for? Or homeschooling network? I am at the point of switching school with FS as the other school offer 100% online classes as an option. He is managing to keep working but not attend.

I think all ND children are being failed by mandatory schooling. In this day and she of technology, there should be more remote offers.

Hi everyone. Another day of no school.

Like you say @EvenStillIWantTo we are all so low. If I may, what sort of consultant does DD see?

In our rejection letter from CAMHS <hollow laugh> they said DS "may benefit from accessing Autism Services" but I wasn't even aware that is a thing. Still can't find it by googling... having another go today. Fairly sure I would have heard of it by now if it were substantive.

It's a private clinic here in Scotland.

We had to go private. CAMHS spoke to my DD like a piece of shit after she took an overdose and I had to promise I'd never make her go back.

I am not convinced about them - they diagnosed her with ASD (fine) and ADHD (unconvinced) and made us take a £300 parenting course before they would prescribe meds. Which have not yet made any difference.

There might be. I'm not sure she'd do much though independently, and the days I am at home I'm working a busy job and don't exactly have the time to sit with her, she requires such a lot of cajoling etc to get through tasks.

Something is going to have to give though because we're 18 months into this and it's no better.

Every night she says 'I'm going tomorrow' and she really wants to, until she hits meltdown point. It breaks your fucking heart doesn't it.

@Piony meant to add - CAMHS took my daughter off their list as she 'couldn't engage'.

A mentally traumatised autistic child couldn't engage...imagine! Isn't that their actual bread and butter?!

If I had the energy I'd complain but...

@EvenStillIWantTo have a look at Enquire. They provide a similar support to those in Scotland that IPSEA and SOSSEN do for those in England. They have lots of helpful advice on their website and have a helpful.

Morning all. I've had a bit of a rollercoaster with DD3, too. The school referred to police for a welfare check and to SS at the end of last term. The police refused to attend and Social Services initially offered 'early help' but as DD3 had an EHCP draft, they realised that they wouldn't be able to do anything more than the EHCP does.

I have been constantly contacting the school to no avail. Phone calls go unreturned, messages aren't responded to, emails not returned. Yet they say to SS that I'm not engaging.

The final EHCP is in, although it really isn't final, because none of the settings they consulted with have replied (Easter holidays) and they know that they are all going to say they can't meet need anyway. Her EHCP can't be met by a mainstream provider and they've acknowledged this in their email to me.

So we have an EHCP that is not an EHCP. Absence email sent.

Thank you SO MUCH! I'll do that today.

My pp should say have a helpline.

If DD can’t attend school, the education authority has a duty to ensure she still receives an education.

A CSP is the nearest Scottish version of an EHCP, but they are lots of differences between the two.

Yeah I have complained to the education authority three times, she kicks the school up the arse, they say many reassuring things then...nothing.

I really believe they're just glad when people like DD don't come to school. Way easier for them. Their 'support base' is essentially a holding pen for kids who struggle; it's a disgrace.

@EvenStillIWantTo it is ultimately the education authority’s responsibility to ensure DD receives an education so the education authority should be doing more than just kicking the school into action. If complaining to the LA has not resolved the situation complaining to the SPSO or independent adjudication may be possible.

Thanks for the advice @SearchingForSolitude I'm also drafting a letter to my MP. It's astounding that post-diagnosis there's literally nothing in place...

Absence email also sent.😞

I’d go mad!!

When you’ve got the energy back complain to high he’ll. x

I think it depends where you live.

We have amazing post diagnosis support in my city. Dd sees an NHS psychologist every week.

However the ND service is part of the Children’s Hospital and nothing to do with shitbag CAHMS. Which is probably why it works well🙄

Really @ArseInTheCoOpWindow that's great. I wonder if because we stepped outside the CAMHS system we just don't ever know what other resources they could have signposted us to.

But their waiting list was three years for assessment; DD would likely not have survived that long tbh.

Probably.

CAMHS.🤬

Does anyone know about requesting a ‘right to choose’ autism assessment from their GP? Does this actually work in reality. DD is year 11 and at the beginning of a very long wait to be seen by CAMHS for assessment and realistically she will be an adult by the time she is assessed. I have read about this but didn’t know if anyone had actually had any success with it. Are you able to ask for this even if you are at the beginning of a very long wait with another system (CAMHS)?

stripe IME the right to choose process makes no difference. We're still on a collosal waiting list. Almost two years for one service (PSICON, and now transferred to The Owl Centre), and in month four of the right to choose assessor, and I've not had anything more than an acknowledgement from them yet.

I accessed an Autism assessment via Right to Choose in 2022 and was assessed and diagnosed within 6 weeks via Psychiatry UK. I was very lucky, but the waiting times with many providers are now so long. I think it's still worth pursuing, though as new providers pop up all the time, and depending on your area, you might just hit lucky. It can't harm to be on two waiting lists and see which one offers an assessment first.

It's fine to be on the NHS waiting list and also apply via RTC. As soon as I had my diagnosis, I rang to take my name off the NHS waiting list.

I'm now about to access it for DD as she needs an ADHD assessment. GP, school and her SaLT all agree she very likely has ADHD. CAMHS initially agreed, and put her forward. They have now said actually, no and discharged her. I've been given PALS number to complain as even the therapist who initially saw her thinks it's wrong. In the letter, it says she doesn't exhibit signs of ADHD and she needs more time to 'explore' her Autism diagnosis. There are loads of inaccuracies in the letter, including the date she was diagnosed with Autism being out by 6 months. They are a total waste of time. Psicon are saying currently that ADHD assessment can be done within 6 to 9 months, but I get that it sometimes changes due to demand.

@RainbowZebraWarrior thanks so much for this and really useful. Hope you get the answer for your DD soon.

@megletthesecond thanks also

We have a meeting tomorrow with the headmaster of a specialist school that I have already looked at and loved. I'm scared she won't speak and he'll say they can't meet her needs. She's so withdrawn. I'm desperate for a place at this school !

@lollipoprainbow good luck I really hope it goes well.

When things are running well you don't even imagine this relentless treadmill.
Sometimes I think why is it always me that has to be different. Kids fly through school without batting an eyelid but never for me. Not that I really care any more the children are the most important thing damage limitation not what others think.