Just discovered girls I thought were friends are laughing at me

[ofcoursetheyrelaughing]

Sitting together, happened to look at friend’s phone screen. They’re sending messages to each other about how fat I am. I’m devastated. I can’t leave due to where we are (uni) and I haven’t got any other friends. I don’t know what to do. I’m aware I’m fat, it’s a sore point for me, but I’m beyond upset. I don’t want to be here. They keep asking me what’s wrong and I haven’t got the confidence to say what I’ve seen.

im a grown adult of 33 but this has brought me back to being 16.

My best friend (at the time) once accidentally sent me an email intended for another mutual friend, bitching about me! I was very hurt at the time but everyone is a twat sometimes and we're still friends, decades later. Also, I had been a dick at times too and so she wasn't entirely unjustified in some of it!

It is horrible when it happens but it probably does happen to most people. People are gossipy and often they are twats! I'm sorry though, it isn't nice at all.

also, I wanted to add that some girls can be complete bitches and talk about others people like this, not because they are some amazing people or anything like that, but because they literally are that dim and boring that the only thing they can do "well" is talk shit about others. People like this don't get very far in life. They'll always be average if they're lucky. You deserve better so please don't hang around with these dim girls. I'm also a woman and fluctuated between quite thin and quite big in my life, for different reasons. I know what it feels like to be both and I assure you, our body size means nothing in the grand scheme of things. i am a high achiever irrespective of when i was large or thin and a lot of it comes down to how we think of ourselves. please think highly of yourself and dump these bitches :)

I’m so sorry, sending you a big hug. My weight has ranged from skinny to almost morbidly obese at different points in my life but I’ve never been mocked for it, at least not openly.

These women are vile and must be deeply unhappy in themselves to talk about a so called friend in this way. I know it’s hard but I would try to cut all ties as soon as you can. It really is better to be alone than in the company of monsters like this and exorcising them from your life will leave the path open for you to meet new, kinder people who value you in the way that they should.

They're arseholes and you're too old for that shit.

Walk away from them and don't bother with them again.

I know you think you won't make other friends but you will.

Snotty little twunts.

Grown women can be nasty. Hope you ok op. Yes move away from this group who needs friends like that

Just say you're pissed off because you saw someone post some shit about you in their little y6 group chat and you were surprised to find out what pathetic little arseholes they were.

I once heard some women at work I was friendly with talking about how they would never want to look like me(I honestly thought I was acceptable looking up to that point). It really burns as an adult because you aren't used to being judged like that. As pp said those who talk like this are hugely inadequate themselves and will be forced to fac their own inadequacies one day.

You are grown adult, you don't need to stay friends with people who laugh at your expence. It's better to be alone than being with nasty people for the sake of company.

Nasty vile bitches.
I'm so sorry for you OP..
You should call them out on it and make them look small.
And don't forget ..you can always lose weight..but they will always be ugly in the inside

I have experienced this. I saw messages from my best friend to another of her mates calling me an ugly slag and that I'm not as good looking as people think. I put it down to her insecurity as I was a model at the time and got male attention. She didn't, and was obviously bitter about that. It's petty but I do think that was the reason. I forgave her and we stayed friends but later down the line she repeated similar behaviour and I no longer talk to her. I regret not cutting her out my life then.
I think the best course of action is to move on from these so called friends and try to make new ones. I know that's not easy as people say to make new friends, but I honestly believe it's better to be alone than around toxic people.

what a bunch of bitches. Meanly texting about you while you are right there. God I despise mean girl behavior. Really it’s bullying it was called mean girls when I was subject to it in high school. It would take courage to call it out as Mariposistaas suggests but so very very effective. Don’t be afraid to show how upset you are…emotions are healthy and they should see the damage their bitchiness does. I saw a text my adult stepdaughter texted about me and my house while she was sitting at my table eating food I had prepared and served to her and her children and god what a knife in the back.

You are 33, stop giving those horrible people space in your mind. Sit next to others and ignore those girls.

Vile.

I think you’re going to have to dig deep and tell them you know. Even if via text. “I know you were laughing at me for being fat.”

Maybe even tell them how hurt you were. I hope they die of mortification.

And they’re not your friends anyway. They’re horrible, horrible twats.

Just tell them, I'm fat, not blind or stupid- I saw the messages you were sending.

And move away.

Don't grace them with your presence, or opportunity to explain, or wriggle out of it.

Its nasty behaviour..
Who the fuck feels the needs to do that sort of thing anyway?

You're fat! So what! Have they just gained collective vision? Bunch of vacuous dicks.

What a horrible, hurtful betrayal.

I’m in my 40s now and I’ve filtered a group of female friends who always and only build me up. I’ve never heard them tear anyone else down. Believe me when I say - you don’t need these women as companions - there are decent, honest, true friends out there for you. Aplenty, in my experience. Don’t torture yourself thinking about this experience - it doesn’t reflect on you at all. If you get the opportunity to confront them and feel brave enough, I would love to think you could get some satisfaction from a breezy “screw you lot, I never set out to surround myself by toxic mean girls and have no intention of dragging out this miserable experience thanks all the same”. But I wouldn’t even bother with that; you won’t humble or change them.

just walk away. Or preferably run. You can do so much better.

I always seem to get this - no idea why.

It's easy to say ignore but hard to do especially if you are feeling vulnerable on area or bit unconfident.

I found in self help book technique of basally giving yourself a pep talk - as you would a friend. Found out later Dmum does similar though she tend to list all ways her life is better than theirs. MIL used to join in being catty - but in recent years she change to if they'll say that behind someone else's back what are they saying behind mine stance.

I'd take a deep breath stick it out till you can move away from them - and try avoiding in future.

My weight fluctuances and I really need to lose some - but frankly if it wasn't weight I expect they'd have something else to find fault with and it's likely more them bonding over being nasty than anything to do with you.

Are they mature students too

I'm sorry, it's an awful feeling. When I was about 19, I thought I was friends with a girl at work until she forwarded an email to me without deleting the long trail of emails below it. She and a guy from another team had been emailing each other about how fat, ugly and boring I was. How she wished I would shut up, how I probably go home every night and eat a whole cake.

She looked mortified when I (calmly) pointed out her mistake but she actually doubled down and tried to justify her horrible behaviour by saying "well, you do tend to go on and on". Final nail in the coffin.

OP, those girls aren't your friends so you're best to walk away. They won't be remorseful and you can't trust them again.

How nasty they sound. They aren't friends not really.

Also, just wanna point out, being fat doesn't make you lesser than.
I'm fat, I have some gorgeous, gorgeous slim friends who are just as unhappy with their bodies as I am in mine.
The difference between my lovely slim friends and those nasty bitches in your course?
They're losers in other parts of their lives. Happy, confident, fulfilled people don't feel the need to be so vile about people for those sorts of things.

In fact, I'm in therapy for my body image and eating disorder. I was asked to discuss with people if they ever disliked people based on being fat (I had to withhold that I thought that people didn't like me because of how I look)
Sat at various tables with people who were Dr's, solicitors, accountants, pharmacists, and even one PT, not one of them said oh yeah, I hate fat people, or I judge people for being fat.

They all had answers like, unkindness, not being patient, rudeness etc.

So what kind of people are they really?

Well they can get to fuck! I'd rather be alone than 'friends' with rancid rats asses like these.

It hurts whether you are 13, 33 , 53, 73 or 93. OP Is not the immature one here.

Another thought that may help, I always remember the quote from JK Rowling when being fat is brought up (btw I am fat): ‘Fat’ is usually the first insult a girl throws at another girl when she wants to hurt her. I mean, is Fat really the worst thing a human being can be? Is Fat worse than vindictive, jealous, shallow, vain, boring or cruel?’
I think we can all agree these ‘friends’ are not worth having in your life

They are nasty human beings, avoid, as they are and will continue to be toxic. Love yourself and you'll find real friends, not those that quite frankly are not worth investing time or effort on. It is not easy to call someone out, but I did do this once and just the fact I asked, nicely, if being a bitch was going to be a life career for her, as she'd just reduced a colleague to tears, changed her ability to bully / bitch about others. Bitches / Bullies are interchangeable in my eyes and very low down the food chain.

The absolute BEST thing you could do is to tell this pair of bitches that you know what they’re saying about you and you don’t consider them to be friends anymore. It will do wonders for your self esteem.

Please know this: the way you look is the least interesting thing about you. Anyone focussing on your appearance above everything else is not a friend or worth dwelling over. The person you are behind your appearance is what draws those that matter towards you.

Be your own best friend and look out for yourself and protect yourself from awful women like this.

Sorry for sounding like a motivational desk calendar. Keep your chin up and don’t let the bastards grind you down!